Kerry Rocks Out With His Cock Out!

Mr. Spears Stole My Phrase!
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

For all the doubters out there, I hope you watched the debate tonight. George W. Bush is a dunce who was given very little to work with from his advisors and Kerry destroyed him. Dubya just kept repeating himself when he wasn't saying um and uh. I hope this gives momentum to Kerry to pull off a victory in November.

one term
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Mmmm This Food Is Delicious.

My life as I know it is an absolute nightmare. I'm thinking about getting a tattoo that says DOORMAT across my forehead to save people the trouble of wondering whether or not they can walk all over me. Just jump right in baby and fuck me over.

I don't ask for much in life. I give out way more than I have ever taken. But somehow I am always the fucking doormat.

Why am I steamed? Well, it's gonna sound silly, but right now it's about food. Yeah, I know...the fat guy and his food issues. Hilarious. But it's not just about food, it's really about respect or the lack thereof in my household, family and life in general. Did you ever get some take out and not be able to finish it all in one sitting? Did you ever put in the fridge so it doesn't spoil? Did you ever get up and go to work the next day and think about half through the day, man I can't wait to get home tonight and finish off my left overs? Did you ever have only $4 in pocket and $0 in the bank and nothing in life but an empty stomach and half a stomboli in the fridge? Did you ever come home and find out someone decided that they were going to help themselves to the food you half ate and put aside for a fucking reason? Yeah. Now you see where I'm coming from.

If you are wondering why this situation with food sets me off so much, then let me explain in greater detail how I am not respected elsewhere in my life. I've got an aunt who borrowed 5 grand off me a couple years ago to open up a hair salon. She was in need and I had the money saved, so I did the family thing and made a loan. Mistake. Now this same so called family member not only refuses to pay me back, but never made one payment on time according to our loan agreement. Furthermore, she ignore's me at all costs because she knows she is a low life. When I lost my job and lived hand to mouth for 9 months and had to move into my brother's college house did she offer to help me out with a payment or two? Nope. In fact she judged me for moving into the only place I could actually afford to live. Fucking unreal.

Maybe it's me. Maybe there is something about my personality that says that I like to be taken advantage of. Maybe I'm a pussy like my brother says and that I bring this on myself?

I wish I had the answers. I wish I knew why shit like this happens to me. I guess I never will...

Mildly Amusing Link

Role Model

Last time I put up a celebrity quote about politics, I got a response from my favorite terrorism fighting conservative Saybolt.
I dare you to support this one.

As seen on Stereogum.com:

Nelly tells Vibe magazine he has no interest in the upcoming presidential election because the candidates are a little too whitebread: "You don't like nobody that ain't got a little dirt on 'em. How can you trust someone who ain't got a little bit? You ain't never jaywalked? You can't relate to somebody that ain't been in a little trouble. That's why people loved Clinton. You knew he had some dirt."

Besides not being in English, which is the first language of the USA (or at the very least a close 2nd language), it's just plain fucking stupid. Take that stupid band aid off your face and read a newspaper you imp.

German Cinema Is Zeee Pits!

Why do movie critics revere foreign films so much? Recently I have rented a number of foreign films that were lauded by critics and I didn’t get it. I feel as though you can get away with murder as a filmmaker if you make the characters speak another language. For instance Talk to Her by Pedro Almodovar is basically a melodramatic mess with hokey dialogue and unrealistic situations. It’s like Melrose Place, but in Spanish. Somehow this equates to a good movie? If it were in English, the critics would tear it apart for being overly dramatic and completely void of a reality based story line.

In the past month I watched the Oscar winner Barbarian Invasions (see old post), Goodbye Lenin!, The Dreamers and Sex and Lucia and all of them were certifiable garbage. And all of them were highly recommended by many American critics. Now don’t get me wrong, I love some foreign films. Delicatessen, City of Lost Children, Leolo, Europa Europa, Amelie, Run Lola Run and The Princess and the Warrior are some of my favorites of all time. But I honestly think that most of the crap that comes out of Europe is too easily lauded as being good here in the States.

The Japanese and Chinese are more consistent with continually releasing quality films in the US on DVD or in your local art house. I rarely get burned when I go with an Asian film, wacky pissing/lactating nipples/necrophilia movies aside.

What is the point of all this? I don’t know.

Soaked

So it rained like a bitch today in Philly. I mean, a lot of rain. Streets were closed, highways were flooded, it was silly. I'm drying off as I write this awaiting my strombolie to show up from the pizza joint down the street. I had my windows near my bed open and a fan on high in the one window on all day and my bed is dry as can be. Odd.

Shaun of the Dead

Shaun and his crew
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Monday's off are dope. Everyone else is dealing with the whole back to work or school nonsense, and I'm out watching a movie at the multiplex with 3 other people who I assume also work retail. Considering my weekend was lame and filled with work, I thought I would grab a laugh and go see Shaun of the Dead.

Good choice on my part. It's funny as hell in a british humor sort of way and features my all time favorite horror movie icon, the ZOMBIE! Couple people from the Office have small roles and the lead guy playing Shaun is really good. This movie is everything Club Dread wasn't. Taking the piss on the horror genre can go either way. Exhibit A: Scary Movie vs. Scary Movie 3. Can I get an AMEN?

Anyway, spend the 8 bucks and check it out. Or wait for DVD and put this shit on your Netflix list. What? You don't use Netflix? Fucking Blockbuster using loser. Wake up!

LL in GQ?

lindsay
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Wait a minute, why is Lindsay Lohan on the cover of the new GQ magazine? Is she trying to branch out into new markets? Only homosexuals and men over 55 read that shit magazine. And I'm not sure either population give a crap about some big boobed, freckled floozie who makes Disney movies and sings pop songs for 12 year old girls to covet. (Well, maybe the men of 55 do...but I doubt the gay community wants to see LL bounce Antonio Sabato, Jr. from their precious "men's" magazine cover page!)

Another Weekend

It's time to play the music
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.


Got a new ring tone tonight. Been rocking the theme to The Office for about 6 months and frankly it's played out. Moving on to the Muppet Show theme song for now. It matches my mousepad which currently is a picture of Kermit, Fozy, Animal and Gonzo. Seriously. I bet this makes me sound like I have a hard on for the Muppets, but I don't. Well, maybe I have a small soft spot for them. I'm sure there is a meaning behind my feelings for the Muppets, but that's for another day.

This weekend was kind of shitty. Once a month I have to open both Saturday and Sunday morning at work. This means I have to get up at 7 AM and get my ass to work. Hence, my Friday and Saturday nights were spent sleeping. I managed to squeeze in a little television watching, but otherwise I didn't do shit.

However, I should mention that the new fall TV season is in full swing and if you haven't yet, check out Lost on ABC this week. It's kind of cool. Most of the time I'm committed to reality shows, so the fact that this 1 hour drama has peaked my interest is huge.

Speaking of reality TV, fucking Extreme Makeover Home Edition is the biggest fucking tear jerking show of all time. I cry almost every episode. It's ridiculous.

Oh, Wife Swap blows. Same with The Benefactor. But I thought that show with Dr. Phil's kid was kind of interesting.

And on the documentary front, avoid Sex with Strangers an exploration of swingers. It was so pathetic.

Eagles are going all the way...and so is my fantasy squad!

Jim Jarmush Blows

Coffee and Cigarettes is the worst movie ever.

Here's Johnny...

It's that time of year again. The Johnny Walker drinking event is coming back round to Philly and I know I'll be there with fucking bells on. Essentially all you do is sign up to go, show up, present ID and get plastered for free.

I went last year and it was the tits. Pounded down 8 drinks in under 45 minutes and listened to some guy in a kilt explain how the JW is made. The slide show gets boring, but the free booze makes up for it. 90 minutes of heaven.

If you are interested, here's a novel idea...click the title of this post and register.

I'm hitting the October 5 @ 8:30 PM event with a posse. join in the fun if you dare...

My plus one is available ladies.

Finally.

Hit up Target today for all the bathroom essentials. My loofah fell to pieces in my hand in the shower this morning, so a new one was tops on the list. I also needed razors, gel, fibercon, all the shit that makes me clean and pretty. Needless to say it was one of those $50 trips where you walk out with one bag and wonder how the fuck you just dropped that much coin. So as a treat to myself, I grabbed multiple bags of Peanut M & M's (the family size were 4 for $7) and wandered into the music section. Much to my surprise not only did the music department carry the Garden State soundtrack, but it was only $9.99. I snatched the last copy like my lfe was on the line and hurried home to break it open and listen. Whoa. Soundtrack of the ages. Love every song from start to finish. Great choices. Great film. Horrible title. Keystone State would have been a better title, but I'll get over it.

Colin Hay (lead singer of Men At Work) contributes a very Nick Drake sounding ballad that is superb. Frou Frou, Iron and Wine, The Shins...all got crazy good tracks. I'm in heaven. Buy it, burn it, whatever. You won't regret it.

Kryptonite Lock Debacle

By now, I'm sure you've heard the you can open a kyrptonite lock for your bike with a BIC pen. Videos are all over the net and I came across this funny item on Ebay. Click away my pets.

Chernobyl Heart

Chernobyl Heart can now be seen on HBO. The Academy Award winning film movingly and shockingly depicts the continuing effects of radiation on the children of Belarus, the country most effected by the Chernobyl nuclear disaster of 1986. The film was inspired by and shows the work of Chernobyl Children's Project International, and the work of the pediatric heart surgeon William Novick, M.D., whose work in Belarus is funded and logistically supported by CCPI.

This documentary will rip your heart out. Double feature with Children Underground and you might even kill yourself. Seriously, it's so fucked up what goes on in the world.

Elephants have what kind of cocks?

You knew this post was coming...

Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray is hosting Extra (and he's creepy bad at it) and I'm working in retail. See what happens when you are pretty? You get all the breaks.

Liberal Goddess, Wicked Comedienne and POA!

garofalo
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

My crush for the past 10 years steady has been JANEANE GAROFALO. She is the funniest stand up comic (female) that has ever graced the stage. We are about the same age, so we share the same angst and taste in all things entertainment. She used to sport flannel shirts, so did I. And politically, we are pretty much in line with each other.

This bitch needs to call me. I'm here for you Janeane...make it happen.

Random Cultural Reference

monchichi
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Mon chi chi, Mon chichi
O so soft and cuddily

Member these bitches? My brothers look like them.

Sick Day Part Deux

I had every intention of going to work today. Last night we had an Eagles celebration complete with full dinner, some alkie hall and hor's de vours. My nasty stomach managed to quiet down for a few hours to allow me to partake in both the spinach dip and the entire game. (Thanks Bowels!)

However, fast forward to 5:30 AM at which point I am still up having conversations with the roommates about the transition from college life into real life. I still had the hope that I would somehow wake up at 9 AM, hop in the shower and be alright to catch the bus to work. And I did get up, albiet at 10 AM as opposed to 9 AM, but as soon as I got out of bed....gurgle, gurgle....hello Mr. Spinach Dip and Mrs. Mickey Light....nice to see you again so soon.

So here I am spending another day recovering from destroyed stomach illness and missing out on getting bitched out by rich women who just absolutely NEED their jacket which matches an ensemble that is being worn to an event this coming weekend. How will I survive?

By basking the Eagles victory, that's how. What an great game...I am very impressed with how much better this team seems to be over the last couple of years. TO was uninvolved almost the entire game, except for the cheap TD, and we still man handled those Vikes! I wish I could say the same for my fantasy team. I lost in horrible fashion on that late Randy Moss touchdown catch. Garbage.

I swear I am going back to work tomorrow. I swear I am.

Sick Day

Waking up this morning chilled to the bone with a raging piss hard on, I came to the quick conclusion that going to work today was not in the cards for me. I have been a good boy during my initial 4 months at the old UO, so I decided I was able to knock off this once without any forseeable problems. I'm working a middle shift, so I don't have to open or close and I do feel a tad under the weather. Most likely I have a combination of a slight cold from the drastic change in weather that has eveloped our region the past couple of days and the after effects of Italian Sausage cooked in left over Heineken that I scarfed down yesterday. Usually I would time my sick days with some sort of event that would involve cinema, but since there is absolutely nothing playing that I can find even remotely watchable, I'm destined to sit around all day and be bored.

This weekend was plain sad. I opted out of an AC trip on Friday night and instead got pounded in my living room and things just went sideways from there. The high point of Friday was involving into a card game, that I can't recall the name of, a sadistic rule that forces you to call someone randomly in your cell phone and tell them in all seriousness that you love them. I chose to call the juggiest gal in real estate (my realtor) at 1 AM. I told her I was lying in bed thinking about how I love her. (It was embarassing, but she's very forgiving and probably instantly knew it was a joke.) The joy of this game was watching everyone else have to do it, sometimes multiple times. I think I may have gotten off easy considering that 2 guys called other dudes and said I love you. Drunk guys always steer shit towards being gay....it's kind of funny.

The rest of the weekend I didn't do much of anything except shiver and lounge around. Both days my brother lined up houses that I opted not to see...I guess maybe this whole house hunting shit is starting to drag on past the point of my attention span. As it turns out, it was a wise move on my part since they were all shit. And naturally seeing my realtor first thing Saturday morning wasn't on my top ten list of things to do based on the events of the prior evening. Luckily I got 3 magazines in the mail that I could tear through in between naps and it was a brand new Cops. I avoided calling anyone due to my constant dizziness and stomach achiness from those aforementioned Heinie's. Capped the night off watching United States of Leland with Ryan Gosling. Either the kid can act or he does a mean impression of Jake Gyllenhal in this flick. The plot meandered a bit, but a strong cast made up for it. Overall, I'd say C+.

Sunday brought another episode of hunt for a home with Mikey that was ill fated. Thankfully Mike brought with him a shit load of food and not just his devil child who wrestles our dog for hours on end. The rest of the day pretty much unfolded like this, watch football, drift off to sleep, eat sausage. Again I didn't make any calls or get any calls, I'm basically becoming a certifiable hermit. I had such high hopes for a weekend off from work, but I'm beginning to wonder why I have these hopes. I don't do anything, so I probably should just friggin work them to give me something to do. Maybe things will get better, maybe I'll make enough money to actually support a social life. Right now, I am treading water. I make, everyone takes. It's a viscious cycle that seems to never end. I hate to end this post all down in the dumps, but oh well. What can you do? I'm sick! Remember?

Lindsey Lohan...Shut You Mouth!

LL,

You are so hot and freckled. I love your milky white jugs and devilish smile. I don't like seeing Fez rubbing up on you in those pictures from a nightclub that were plastered all over the internet, but I forgive you. But honey, please don't open your mouth. Unless it's to sing a nice little ditty, recite a fucking line in a movie or suck a cock. (Mine please!)

The following quote was attributed to Lindsey: "I don't like to talk about politics. If you say you're a Democrat, that'll turn off Republicans, and that's half of your fan base."

Wow LL! Thank's for doing your part to get out the young voter this election season. Fucking idiot. Someone muzzle her...

Let's Do The Time Warp Again!

What year is it? I thought it was 2004, but in reading the pages of the Philly Weakly and Shitty Paper this week I have to wonder if I didn't somehow wake up back in 1994. Every periodical in the city is running their fall preview edition this week and I came across a section in the latest Weakly or Shitty Paper devoted to the music tours that wil be touching down in my fair city over the next couple months. As I started glancing the listings I began to get scared that I was somehow in a dream...

The Ocean Blue and Riverside @ North Star Bar on 9.17.04
Trashcan Sinatras @ The Troc on 9.19.04
Helmet @ Noth Star Bar on 9.29.04
Morrisey @ the Tower Theatre
They Might Be Giants @ the TLA
Yo La Tengo @ First Unitarian Church
Beasties Boys @ FU Center

Ministry, De La Soul, Camper Van Beethoven, Social Distortion, PJ Harvey, Slayer, Bad Religion, Guided By Voices, Cake, The Tragically Hip, My Life With Thrill Kill Kult, Dio, Anthrax, Clutch, the Cramps, Parliment Funkadelic, Gwar

Holy Shit! It's out of control. Is there anything contemporary to go to in the coming weeks? Oh, thank God. Yellowcard is coming soon...

First Real Test

Having been a call center manager for many years, I have had my fair share of irate customers to deal with on the phone. Usually I can finesse the situation so that no one gets hurt and we all move on with our lives in about 5 minutes. Usually, you give the customer what they want and be done with it. It's not my money, so what do I care?

Well, today I had 3 consecutive calls from lying, cheating, fucking asshole bitches who want something for nothing and it made me question if I thought this whole move into retail thing out. I'm not used to being talked down to by some rich bitch who is angling for a free jacket or some cunt that clearly broke her curtain rods by putting heavy as fuck curtains on them and wants me to send her new ones without letting us get the damaged ones back!!!! It is so easy to see through people when they are lying. I have a very in tune bullshit detector. What's frustrating is knowing that someone is lying and being upset about it, but having no control over the resolution. The bitch will get what she wants. She knows this. I know this. The people who flaunt this knowledge, that they are eventually going to win, are the ones I want to stab in the eye.

And so I am resigned to finally leave work, after missing my bus for the third consecutive day, and get off one stop early to grab a cold case of Heineken and drink these slimeballs out my life.

Rockaway Beach

Are the fucking Ramones cursed or what? Johnny died of cancer yesterday. That's 3 down in a couple years and they all are dying at a young age. It's not fair.

Discovered Covered

daniel johnston
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Coming soon to a record store near you is this 2 disc collection of Daniel Johnston songs. Disc 1 is covers of his masterful works by bands like Flaming Lips, Gordon from Violent Femmes and tons more. Disc 2 are the same songs done by Danny himself. If you've never heard of Daniel Johnston, do yourself a favor and check him out. He's amazing.

American Candidate

Am I the only person watching this show on Showtime? I remember hearing about it a few months ago and thought, this is stupid. American Idol with politics. My desire to watch reality television progamming drew me to give this show a shot and I'm so glad I did. I don't harbor any pretense that any of these people will ever make it in politics, but it's refreshing to see people that are active and involved and have a vision for America. I'm really impressed by a gal named Malia Lazu from Boston who is a youth activist. She's from Hawaii and half black/half latino. And she has my sister's name! This chick is firey and very smart. But more than Malia, I'm fascinated by Lisa Witter, a thirtysomething progressive democrat from the left coast. Lisa is intelligent, knows her shit about the issues and speaks to my political views. But most of all, I really can't help thinking about how much I want to fuck her.

Carol Seaver is a Crazy Bitch

Tracey Gold, the thespian best known for playing brainy Carol Seaver on the hit ABC sitcom Growing Pains, was arrested Sept. 3 and booked for investigation of felony drunk driving, after flipping her sport utility vehicle on a California freeway, according to the California Highway Patrol.

Gold, 35, was driving with her 39-year-old husband, Roby Marshall and their three children shortly before midnight, when she lost control of her GMC Yukon, swerved off the road and rolled over, tumbling down an embankment.

Invesitgators found vomit at the site, but aren't sure if that was due to excessive drinking or the dinner Ms. Gold, a known anorexia sufferer, had comsumed earlier that evening. (Clearly I'm embellishing here...)

Poop in Pants

This link works most effectively if you have your volume jacked up and a roll of toilet paper on hand. Click the title of this post to enjoy.

Tom Sizemore as Pete Rose

Funniest shit I have ever seen. Tom the Toot (even though he went to Temple, the guy is a coke snorting, wife beater) in a Dutch Boy wig. Priceless.

We have a winner!

So I managed to pull off a win in both my fantasy football leagues. That's right, I'm in more than one league. It's a sickness really. But only one league is for cold hard cash. And I won big time in that league. In fact, of 8 players in the $ league, 4 of them are my immediate family. (Dear Old Dad, Sis, her hubby Jimbo and naturally Me.) It appears to be a family sweep this week since none of us were playing each other and we all won our games. Now that's family pride.

Super Size Happy Meal

Super Size Happy Meal
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Fucking unreal. Some people shouldn't be allowed to be parents. They need to be taken out back and shot in the head. Let's start with the Mom of these two. I guarantee she is a fucking 800 pound trailer trash welfare recipent.

But I'll tell you what, I hate McDonalds for serving their crack to us and capturing us as slaves to it from infancy more than the pathetic mother of these chubsters.

Read Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser and see what I mean.

Conspiracy Theory

Top 20 Countdown

Had to get up early today to go view yet another house that isn't the ONE. While waiting for my brother to show up I peeped some of that VH1 Top 20 show and have a few observations I would like to pass along.

1) Ashlee Simpson is weird cute. I don't know why I find her attractive, I just do. I'd give her a piece of me.

2) I love the fact that Avril Lavinge in her new video is like totally banging some guy who's mid-30's and it's portrayed so seriously. It's laughable. And kind of hot.

3) Fergie in Black Eyed Peas has the most intense abdomin area I have ever seen on a woman. She's like Catwoman hot or some shit. Let's Get Retarded!

4) Keane sounds like a Travis rip off. But I think I might like it.

5) Who the hell are Alter Bridge? Thank God I don't listen to commercial radio.

6) Bowling for Soup won a Grammy. Ridiculous.

I've Got The Blues

Oh yeah. Rejoice. I am once again a functioning member of society. I have medical coverage. Blue Cross and Blue Sheild are on my side, so look out world! I may actually get my sixty or seventy ailments looked at by a professional. First up, shit problems. And then the rash on my foot that hasn't gone away in 2 years. And then I might have a referral for a dermatologist to get shit removed from my face and neck. Extreme Makeover can't be far behind.

And this means I can have my teeth cleaned again. That's right ladies...I'll be kissable. If you close your eyes that is.

Let The Fantasy Begin

Today marks the beginning of the 2004-2005 NFL season. More importantly though, it is the first day of play in Any Given Sunday, my fantasy football league. This week my squad, Imodium Men, is taking on My Pet Goat and folks, this looks like a great match up.

Matt Hasselbeck vs. Trent Green
Priest Holmes vs. Shaun Alexander
Santana Moss vs. Hines Ward

I could go up and down the lineup, but that would just be pathetic. Since I am basically going to miss the first Eagles game of the year due to work, I have to get pumped about something football related of else my MAN card will be revoked.

Real World Flithadelphia

I know this is a couple days behind, but did you locals watch our fine city shine on the MTV Monday night? Looks like The Real World has again rounded up the dumbest people alive and put them in a house so they can start getting real, or in the case of the last couple seasons, start acting like caricatures of past cast members.

What did I learn from watching this week?

The overtly sexual horndog chick is going to try and outdo Trishelle.

The gay former child star is going portray Philly as a gay Mecca.

I must truly have Gay-dar because I knew the black guy was going to be the one to come out. The easy money was on Landon due to his lisping style of talk, but I knew that's just how dudes from Wisconsin talk. I get 100 points.

The hillbilly guy or the midwest borderline gay dude both have Miz potential if they drink enough.

I'm sure I'll be glued to the TV watching all year despite the fact that more and more the people on the show don't appeal to me in anyway. I wouldn't hang out with any of the dudes and I would only attempt to hump the blonde chick who didn't have a role in the first episode. I will say that our town looks dope on the big screen. And that house is hot as hell.

Canadian Bacon

Watched the Barbarian Invasions this morning and wasn't impressed. For a Best Foreign Film winner from 2003, I expected more. It was like a french canadian soap opera. Dying father who cheats on wife, millionaire son who bribes everyone to treat this dying old man well, junkies, queer college professors and the long lost daughter away at sea. I say let the French make french flicks, you Canadians stay out of it. Atom Egoyan is the only filmmaker from Canada that makes anything watchable. And he makes movies in English!!

Maybe Next Time

Tonight was a borderline disaster. I was intending to go to the Scissor Sisters show at the Khyber but it turned out that a guy I know who said he could get me on the list wasn't able to. Thankfully I found this out before I trekked all the way downtown. Sadly, I was looking forward to the show. I'm assuming they will be back in Philly before long and playing at a larger venue.

What prevented me from going down early enough to crash the show and beat the cover was yet another house hunting mission. This time right down the street from me on Ridge Ave. It's a house much like the one I am currently in, and I love some of the interior. The kitchen is bumping and the roof deck is nice....but I don't know about the price. It's a tad more expensive than I think we were planning on spending. I'm waiting until tomorrow to see how I feel about it.

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting.

Saw Hero today. The color and framing of shots were amazing. The sound added another dimension to the whole thing. It did meander slightly towards the 3/4 mark, but overall Kung Fu-tastic. I think I still appreciate Crouching Tiger more though.

Previews note: Who decided to team Jimmy Fallon with Queen Latifah? Taxi looks downright awful.

Michael Moore is my Nizzle!

Did you see the story about how Mike Moore wants to show Farenheit 911 on television before the November election? I'll tell you what, the fucking Dems need this to happen. Bush got such a boost from that whore fest that was the Republican convention. I get so sick to my stomach when I hear stuff about how Bush is leading in the pools and what not. Moore would be throwing away his chance to be eligible for a Best Documentary Oscar this year (which would be a lock) by having it air on television. However, he could still pull off being up for Best Picture. All I want to see is which network has the balls to air this thing. Kerry 2004!

Habanero Hurts

Habanero Hurts
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

I can't feel my lips!

Icehouse, Great Band, Horrible Beer

The morning after.

My head hurts, my nose is running and my farts are LADs (Loud And Deadly). If I never see another hot dog I will be okay with my life. Good thing I only have about 50 of them left over! The turnout for my end of summer jamboree was weak. I don't know why I bother. With most of the fellows I hang with being in Colorado, I was taking some chances to begin with. I'm happy that my friend Starlene came up from DC and popped in. And JV never does me wrong. You know your party is sad when you 50 year old neighbors survey the scene and demand you come to their house as their all day rager is winding down. I'm sure they were like, we could throw all this food away or we could just invite the neighbor guys over and watch them attack the plates of chicken like drunken cavemen.

Alcohol is an amazing elixir. If has some many effects, so of which are far reaching. For example, when you drink your inhibitions come down, you say things you might not say if you were sober. You find ugly people attractive, meaning when you are drunk you are attracted to personality, which is how is should be anyway. When you are drunk, you think you can eat a Habanero or clear the air on issues, when in reality you shouldn't try to do either because you are drunk. Perhaps this is the beauty of being drunk? I don't know. I do know that I hate seeing friends fight when they are drunk. But I love seeing a guy wrestle with the pain caused by the fucking Habanero.

Sidenote: For someone who hates Guacamole, I sure as hell ate a ton of it.

Funny Ha Ha

So I watched some of the new Dave Chappelle comedy special on Showtime last night as I was falling to sleep and I'll tell you what...he's funnier than I thought. He's show is annoyingly stupid, but his stand up act is really tight. The bit about white guys always wanting to do homo shit to each other when they get drunk is dead on. You never see a black dude in those PRICELESS photos that float around the internet where guys have their faces painted or another guys nutsack resting on a passed out guy's forehead, do you?

I Wish I Smoked Crack

Apparently the only people selling houses in the Philadelphia area are people who live in absolute squalor. My current rental house, which is kind of a dump, is a fucking mansion compared to the places I am looking at. I don't trust people who show you their house at 10:30 AM and have more than 3 children under the age of 5 years old sleeping. Is the Mom feeding her kids NYQUIL? Late night watching HBO? Why would little kids be sleeping at 10:30 AM on a Sunday? Anyway, the house search presses on and it looks like we are eliminating some more areas of the city that are in our price range, but out of our league locations. (One house faced a ghetto 7-11. Seriously. It wasn't a 7-11, it just looked like one.)

I am starting to see the value in renting. No fuss, no muss.

Mystery Solved

Okay, back about a month ago while shit faced in Chicago I texted this cutie from Temple that I've been crushing on for about a year. I guess since I was drunk as hell, I decided that when I was sober I would regret what I did, so after I sent the message I immediately deleted it and therefore had no recollection of what the message was. Smooth. Mind you, I'm not a stalker or anything. Most likely, this girl probably had no clue that I thought she was hot or she might have thought I was kidding when I would attempt to flirt with her in my awkward 32 year old way. Doesn't matter. She was away for the summer, I was drunk in Chicago, I thought about her and "the text message" happened. It was dumb, but I did realize that she would have no idea it was from me since my phone number is not one she is familiar with. Secondly, when she called me back immediately following receipt of the text message, I declined the call and she would never guess that it was my voice mail account. I'm not sure I would make the top 100 of people who may have texted her.

What is the point of this Skip? You are killing me with all the extra details here. I know. Hold on. It's coming....

Last night I went over to the brand new apartment of said cutie and we had a talk about the message. I wanted to basically find out what I wrote, not to try and defend it, but to see just how embarassing my actions got out there in Shytown.

So I approached the subject and said "Did you get an odd text message like a month ago?"

And she said "Yeah."

So I said "Do you recall what it said?"

And she said "I have it on my phone still"

Yikes. Seeing my words on the phone was scarier than actually hearing her repeat them. I'm convinced if she would have told me what I wrote, she would paraphrase and maybe if they were ridiculously over the top, I could play it off. But seeing them attached to my phone number...with my distinctive use of ....right in the middle of the sentence, with my very own eyes.

YOU SUCK....AND I LOVE YOU.

Why? Why did I choose the word suck? Why did I tell a girl I hadn't seen in 2 months and have never really had more than a couple of conversations that I LOVE her? I'm sure an analyst could have a field day with this. I can't really defend my actions. I'm was drunk and lonely. That's probably the extent of it. It never crossed my mind that this girl may have had a boyfriend (which it turns out she did) and that my stupid act might have cause some friction (don't think it did). I was being selfish and retarded, as per usual. The bigger issue here is that I'm old enough to not be embarassed for very long by my own actions. I had no problem admitting that I wrote it. If she would have asked me why I did it, I'm not sure I would have an answer other than "cause your hot." Or "cause I was drunk." But I'm not a neanderthal. I did it because I wanted to. I wanted to say "HEY!" I think your amazing, funny, attractive but it came out as I LOVE YOU.

I'm hoping that this doesn't make things weird when we hang out, and if I know this girl even a little bit (and I think I do) she isn't bothered by it. I'm too old to fucking care. So there you have it. A 6th grade moment. Revel in it fuckers.

Frankie's Hello Kitty VW Rabbit on Ebay

Check out the description on this listing on ebay, especially what is located in the back seat of the car and the how it runs. I didn't think it was possible to hate this Real World attention whore, but I think this might have done the trick. (Click the title silly...)

Holiday Hangover Anyone?

I'm targeting Sunday about 4 PM for a little Hot Dogs and Beer party at the Yunk Palace. I made up a flyer and all. Gonna rally some worker bees at UO, but those city hipsters might snub me for living a bus/train ride away from "the city." Nothing big and fancy, just a little soiree in honor of the rare work holiday upcoming. Laborers unite and drink with me!

Calendar Girls

I liked it. What of it?

It's 2:30 PM and I'm already exhausted...

So I'm off today and getting mad shit accomplished, sort of.

I ran my credit report to see what may fuck up my chances of buying a house and low and behold, I have something lingering from like 12 years ago that ain't all that good. So I had to so some disputing online with the credit bureaus, make some calls to the collection agency, etc. You would think a place that is out to get money out of deadbeats would answer incoming calls. Nope. It's unreal. I was on hold for like 10 minutes to talk to someone at this shady ass collection agency that is attempting to collect on a debt that I settled already with another agency years ago. Of course, this will become a battle and cause me much grief before it's resolved. I can just feel it.

I'm going out Sunday to check out some houses with my realtor (sounds weird saying that) and my brother. I'm hoping they are at least an upgrade from the crack house I visited last week in West Philly.

Got an oil change on the Echo.

Tried to fix some shit in my current house to no avail. I'm not all that handy, so I don't know why I even bother. In fact, I am about to go try some more handy shit which will probably be a waste of time. Oh well.

I tried to buy tickets to see Scissor Sisters next week at the Khyber, but it's sold out. Bummer.

I'm definitely writing a column for a monthly online website devoted to Pop Culture, so be prepared for a link in the coming weeks. My topic will be one I am familiar with, reality television. Go figure.

Considering a BBQ on Sunday or Monday at the crib. Might even branch out and invite some work folks over.

So I'm off today and getting mad shit accomplished, sort of.

I ran my credit report to see what may fuck up my chances of buying a house and low and behold, I have something lingering from like 12 years ago that ain't all that good. So I had to so some disputing online with the credit bureaus, make some calls to the collection agency, etc. You would think a place that is out to get money out of deadbeats would answer incoming calls. Nope. It's unreal. I was on hold for like 10 minutes to talk to someone at this shady ass collection agency that is attempting to collect on a debt that I settled already with another agency years ago. Of course, this will become a battle and cause me much grief before it's resolved. I can just feel it.

I'm going out Sunday to check out some houses with my realtor (sounds weird saying that) and my brother. I'm hoping they are at least an upgrade from the crack house I visited last week in West Philly.

Got an oil change on the Echo.

Tried to fix some shit in my current house to no avail. I'm not all that handy, so I don't know why I even bother. In fact, I am about to go try some more handy shit which will probably be a waste of time. Oh well.

I tried to buy tickets to see Scissor Sisters next week at the Khyber, but it's sold out. Bummer.

I'm definitely writing a column for a monthly online website devoted to Pop Culture, so be prepared for a link in the coming weeks. My topic will be one I am familiar with, reality television. Go figure.

Considering a BBQ on Sunday or Monday at the crib. Might even branch out and invite some work folks over.

Conducive Schedule For A Change

I'm quite happy how my schedule is falling this week, despite the fact that I wasn't able to attend my good friend Matt's wedding in Colorado as I had planned. Before I took this job at UO, I had booked the time off to make this coming weekend a kick ass one. I was going to head out to the Telluride Film Festival and then cruise over to Vail for the wedding, then back to Telluride. However, I wound up taking a job that makes me wait 6 months before I earn vacation time. Evil. They are very generous to you once you start earning it, but that waiting period is a killer.

Anyway, no wedding/travel for me this week, but I am off Thursday, working 11-8 Friday and Saturday and off Sunday/Monday. My point is that I should be able to be a social person for a change. With the kids back in school this week, I'm hoping that something crops up. I'm trying to rally the troops here to have a BBQ dizzle on Sunday or Monday, but so far I haven't seen much of anyone. They must be at campus or sleeping whenever I am in the house these days.

Snow Patrol

I grabbed that album by Snow Patrol a little while back and I happy to report that it has overtaken Postal Service as a must listen to on the way to work. It's beautiful and haunting. Go buy it.

I am getting a couple CD's burned by this cool ass chick at work. Scissor Sisters and Burning Brides latests are on tap. I've heard a couple songs by each and I like what I hear. Might even check out SS at the Khyber with a crew if my schedule lines up the right way.