My life as I know it is an absolute nightmare. I'm thinking about getting a tattoo that says DOORMAT across my forehead to save people the trouble of wondering whether or not they can walk all over me. Just jump right in baby and fuck me over.
I don't ask for much in life. I give out way more than I have ever taken. But somehow I am always the fucking doormat.
Why am I steamed? Well, it's gonna sound silly, but right now it's about food. Yeah, I know...the fat guy and his food issues. Hilarious. But it's not just about food, it's really about respect or the lack thereof in my household, family and life in general. Did you ever get some take out and not be able to finish it all in one sitting? Did you ever put in the fridge so it doesn't spoil? Did you ever get up and go to work the next day and think about half through the day, man I can't wait to get home tonight and finish off my left overs? Did you ever have only $4 in pocket and $0 in the bank and nothing in life but an empty stomach and half a stomboli in the fridge? Did you ever come home and find out someone decided that they were going to help themselves to the food you half ate and put aside for a fucking reason? Yeah. Now you see where I'm coming from.
If you are wondering why this situation with food sets me off so much, then let me explain in greater detail how I am not respected elsewhere in my life. I've got an aunt who borrowed 5 grand off me a couple years ago to open up a hair salon. She was in need and I had the money saved, so I did the family thing and made a loan. Mistake. Now this same so called family member not only refuses to pay me back, but never made one payment on time according to our loan agreement. Furthermore, she ignore's me at all costs because she knows she is a low life. When I lost my job and lived hand to mouth for 9 months and had to move into my brother's college house did she offer to help me out with a payment or two? Nope. In fact she judged me for moving into the only place I could actually afford to live. Fucking unreal.
Maybe it's me. Maybe there is something about my personality that says that I like to be taken advantage of. Maybe I'm a pussy like my brother says and that I bring this on myself?
I wish I had the answers. I wish I knew why shit like this happens to me. I guess I never will...
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