Dag.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. - Mark Twain

Yeah, today is a bit of a bummer day. I'm not feeling too great about myself. It occurred to me that I cannot recall the last time someone in my life asked me how I was feeling. Someone that I care about anyway. It's not a huge deal, it's just one of those things that pops into the mind when you are feeling kind of shitty or bored. And I probably wouldn't even think about such a thing unless I was as self aware as I am. What I mean is that I am constantly asking my friends how they are doing, asking if there is anything they need, almost to the point of annoyance I suppose. Karma tells me that if you give you will get, but I'm not so sure about that. Maybe it works in funny ways. I found $5 bill on the ground the other day, maybe that's my payback for being a really supportive and giving friend? Does Karma mean I have to be satisfied with that? A $5 bill?

The reality of this situation is that when you realize that no one asks how you are doing, you start to examine who you are in an effort to determine why. Who, What, Why, blah, blah, blah. I'm making this more complicated than it needs to be. I guess I just grapple with being the friend of convenience sometimes. It would be nice to be the first person called, not always an after thought. It would be nice to give to people and get it back in return. Simple shit really.

Yeah, I get that I'm not always 100% fun. Sometimes I am probably a cramp in people's style. My honesty is my curse. When I am alone to my own thoughts with nowhere to go and no one to see, I start to get uncomfortable. And it leads to stuff like this.