Flat Stanley

It's a very rainy morning here in Philadelphia and I just found in my brother Mike's book case a children's book that used to disturb me as a child. Flat Stanley was written in 1964, so how it was presented to me when I was 3 or 4 years old is a mystery. The inside cover has a very cryptic signature from both my sister Crystal and myself, so I'm guessing we were most likely haggling over ownership rights as children. Considering how this book as lingered on in my memory banks, I wish I would have just let her have the damn thing to herself. Why you ask? Well, this book is by far the creepiest book I've ever come across in my life and I think as a child it gave me bad dreams. As an adult re-reading it in five minutes on the can, I can honestly say I'm still disturbed.

The book's theme is tolerance. I guess all kid's books have themes hidden behind clever dogs, or wacky ducks or some shit. This book uses a "flat" child as the outcast and shows all the perks to being flat but the jealousy it causes for others who aren't flat. Hold on, I'm jumping slightly ahead. Forgive me.

So Stanley goes to bed in the same room as his little brother. During the night a cork board falls on top of him while he is sleeping and he is found under it in the AM completely flattened but alive. Crazy premise so far don't you think? So Stanley's parents take him to the doctor and they find out that this type of thing happens all the time. I'm pretty sure it was at this point I started to manifest hellacious thoughts of getting flattened in my sleep. Although the book outlines perks, the drawings of this kid being only 1/2 inch thick are spooky. The next few pages of the book show Stanley being lowered into sewer grates to find Mom's ring, being used as a kite, being rolled up for travel purposes with the parents and most insanely being mailed to California to visit a friend in a giant envelope. Even in 1964 there are jabs about the high cost of airfare in a children's book!

Eventually word catches on about Stanley and his "gift" of flatness. The local art museum has been hit with a rash of robberies, so the curator asks Stanley's parents to let the boy help. Stanley is dressed up like Little Bo Peep and is mounted to the wall like a painting due to his flatness and winds up nabbing the crooks when they try to steal him. Even the celebrity around this event doesn't make Stanley any happier about his situation. His younger brother is jealous of his success and fame, and tries to flatten himself to no avail. Eventually Stanley and his brother conspire to "inflate" Stanley back to normal size using a bicycle pump. And low and behold it works! Stanley is restored to normal size and will take with him the lessons learned from his experience of being flat. I on the other hand only learned to sleep with one eye open to watch out for falling items in my room that may crush me. This book fucked me up as a kid. And I bet it would do the same today...