I had a conversation today at work with one of my employees Tracy, a great chick, who after hearing me state what my weekend was like flat out said "so you are depressed?" I took a beat, soaked it in and thought about it and finally said "kinda."
I try to avoid thinking in terms like depression, my boy Jared shares a similiar opinion, you start thinking about shit like that and the next thing you know you are a pill popping, rainbow farting robot. But we also agree that it would be nice to have access to a medicine to take when the feelings crop up from time to time. I would say that maybe I need to start smoking pot again, but I remember feeling like this when I was on the pot as well. It comes and goes, and right now it comes.
Friday night I sat and drank beer with my buddy Eric for a touch and eventually hit the sack on the early side. No desire to go do anything else, perhaps a warning sign of sorts? Saturday I woke up and immediately hit the gym and worked out for twice the time I usually spend there, perhaps another signal that I'm not quite feeling so great about shit. Saturday night I went to see the Break Up with a couple, and got the hell out of there the minute I could because seeing a movie about people breaking up and then talking about it with a hand holding couple is just too much. (Sidenote: I liked the movie. Vince is my well documented man crush, and Jon Favs and he are the best duo on screen of the modern era.)
Sunday I basically sat in my apartment and stared into space for hours. I read some. I had no desire to go anywhere. I was further sent down the rabbit hole by not being able to connect to the internet all day and night. Eventually around 4 PM I tired of this wallowing and did what any self respecting human would do in this position....I went to Best Buy and bought stuff I don't need. Not like major appliances or anything, just some headphones, Rob Zombie's Greatest Hits, Wolfmother CD, Blender Magazine and Dazed and Confused on DVD. Ah, now I feel much better.
Not.
The point I suppose I am making is that right now I feel like crap. I don't understand why my life can't be more fulfilling and enjoyable. I have been saying for a while that Augusta is kind of limited, okay extremely limited, but I'm not doing anything about it. I need to be more adventurous, I need to do some travelling. Well, I need to stop talking about it and actually fucking do it. Today at work I was plotting out my next course of action, after my jaunt up North at the end of June I'm gonna plot out some weekend getaways. This pretty killer chick I met online (it's not as lame as it sounds) lives in what appears to be a beautiful part of North Carolina, in the mountains and near this big estate called Biltmore. So destination number 1 will be Asheville, NC. Then I want to be a goober and go to Universal Studios in Florida. Hey, the time I feel the best is when I'm watching a movie and escaping my life, so an entire theme park devoted to film might be a santuary of sorts. And then, who knows? But I gotta keep on moving.
Otherwise, this blog is going to become tragic again. And no one wants that. Well, some of you assholes want that, but I hope to not give you the satisfaction. You know who you are Anonymous.
2 comments:
Stay strong. As someone who has dealt with his share of depression from time to time, try to keep in mind that if you aware that you are depressed, you can deal with it. Nothing is going to be perfect and the worst thing in the world is having to listen to some bonehead telling you to "Cheer up!" But take some time to let it work itself out if you can and try and remember that you have both people and things in your life that you do care aboutand don't dismiss the importance of that.
It used to be easier back in the Peabody days, wasn't it?
I can't belive you bought Dazed & Confused with the Criterion edition coming out tomorrow.
Eh, it was $10 and instant gratification. And yes, Peabody was easier.
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