It’s amazing the amount of value television and the internet add to my otherwise dull life. Once I managed to square away all the particulars of moving into my new apartment, I had nothing but time on my hands thanks to some gracious scheduling by my boss. Three days off in a row would normally be a dream come true, but without a working television equipped to bring me Food Network, HGTV or MTV or a way to get on the information superhighway, forget it. I’d rather be dead.
How did this happen? Well, it’s a funny story. And by funny I mean tragic. I decided to be a bit of a cheapskate with my spending now that I am on my own again and I went with a satellite provider instead of the local cable company. I saw a deal on the internet that I couldn’t pass up…isn’t this how most tragic stories start? They do in my life. Anyway, on the day of installation (Monday between 12-5 PM) this nice Russian man calls me for my exact location at 3 PM. Yuri was on my street but nowhere near my apartment building so I went outside to wave him down as he made another pass down my block. I guess these cats are freelance or something because Yuri pulled up in his unmarked minivan and was wearing an Airborne Express sweatshirt. Fast-forward to the part where Yuri says he can only install 1 dish and not the 2 that is apparently necessary due to issues with property and sight lines. I’m not sure if it was his heavy accent or my complete ignorance, but when he rushed through explaining that he could only install 1 dish, I was like “okay” and he continued at it for another 45 minutes banging and doing what it is he does.
Now here is where it gets hilarious. So this 1 dish that I had put up on the side of my apartment building will only get me local and international channels. Huh? “So it’s basically a gigantic set of rabbit ears,” I ask Yuri. I’m not extremely concerned about it since at this point I’m frustrated, tired and completely sick of seeing Yuri in my apartment (we are like 2 hours deep on this situation) so I’m like WHATEVER. I’ll deal. At least I’ll have DVR action. No more VCR. I can live without my MTV. I’m strong. Now all that is left to happen is for Yuri to “call it in” to the Dish Network folks, get me up and running and pack up that shitty minivan of his and take off. Apparently Yuri needs to make the “call in” call on MY cell phone. This dirty-handed Ruskie waits on hold for 30 minutes to get a representative on the line and then proceeds to battle with her for another 30 minutes about what he has done. According to the Dish Network folks, Yuri can’t just install one dish, he needs to do them both or else the deal is over. It’s now 6 PM and I have shit to do. I have to go back to my old house and finish moving out my clothes and food and then I have to head to Target for various apartment needs. When all is said and done and Yuri hangs up the phone he tells me that he is coming back to my house on Thursday morning to install Dish #2. Huh? Until then, I’m outta luck. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I’ve been plowing through Season 1 of Kin of Queens on DVD to keep me sane and give the impression that I at least have TBS or something.
Now I know what you are thinking…if’s Yuri’s coming back to install the second dish on Thursday, why didn’t he just install it on Monday? Well, now that Dish Network got Yuri in line he was chock full of ideas on where this second dish could be mounted to get adequate site lines. But here’s the good part, I need to be his fucking installation wing man and ask either the next door mechanics garage if they are willing to hold my dish on their rooftop or ask my neighbor behind me if he minds if Yuri taps into his already existing satellite dish located 3 stories up on the back side of my building. What the fuck? To make matters worse, I never did get permission from my landlord to even get the thing installed to begin with. Considering that there are no less than 4 dishes attached to my building, I hardly think this would have been an issue, but nonetheless, if I ask him now about drilling into his siding (the option left if both neighbors turn me down…which they will…if I talk to them…which I refuse to do.) he might be a little steamed that I never asked from the start. Yuri wants permission from one of these 3 options, if not then he comes back to unplug what he has installed and move on with his life. And then I’m back to ground zero. Ahhh!!!!!!
Phase 2 of this mess is my internet situation. I again located a great deal on the internet from Road Runner that offered 6 months at $29.95 a month, $44.95 thereafter. Nice deal for a cable connection. So I registered online and got a phone call on Monday (pre-Yuri’s visit) that I slept through. When I called them back about arranging service installation, I was told by Andre that if I looked at the fine print on my offer it says this offer is not valid in all locations and apparently my apartment is one of those locations. Huh? Andre could only give me service for the price of $54.95 a month since I’m not a cable subscriber. Naturally my reaction was something along the lines of NO FUCKING WAY! Andre then suggested I visit Best Buy or Circuit City and register there for Road Runner. Huh? Apparently if I go to Best Buy and use their computer I will magically be able to get a promotion of $29.95 a month for 3 months (the offer ongoing in “my area”). Since I was heading to Target in the vicinity of Best Buy later on, I told Andre that I will register there and thanked him for his “help.” Fast-forward to me in Best Buy at 9 PM essentially putting my name and address into their computer only to receive a print out that I will “need” when Road Runner calls to arrange installation. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why I needed to come all the way to Best Buy to do this, but I was exhausted and decided not to question anything more at this point. (Yuri’s idiocy really did a number on me earlier in the day) I went to bed on Monday dreaming of a world with internet and cable TV and slept horribly knowing that when I awoke I would still be without both. The next morning when my Road Runner wake up call came from Andre, I politely ignored it once again. I don’t want to seem that eager….that’s how they get you and try to add “features” and shit to your order. When I went to call him back I glanced over my Best Buy print out and saw the instructions of what I was to “next” after I printed out the registration AT Best Buy. It appears that I was supposed to take the print out to a cashier who would then print out some forms I will need when I speak with Road Runner. Huh? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Back in the car and twenty minutes later I am getting my necessary print outs from the cashier.
I called Andre from the parking lot to get the ball rolling. The earliest he could get me in is between 12-2 on Saturday. OMG! What the hell am I supposed to do until then? Read? I’ve organized everything I own already. I have rearranged my furniture in 2 rooms and it’s only Tuesday. You cannot imagine how slowly time passes when you don’t have television or the internet to occupy your attention. I long to view my email. I’m craving a reality TV show. Sidenote: The “forms” supplied to me from the Best Buy cashier never came up in conversation with Andre. Life sucks. Life without cable sucks more.
This was written the old fashion way on Microsoft Word at home, printed out and then transcribed into Blogger when I was near a computer. Appreciate me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment