Progress Report

I set a goal about 6 months ago that I didn't really share with too many people. Unlike when I quit smoking and eating fast food, this goal is a negative one. I decided that I wanted to become one of those people that winds up on Maury Povich and is so fat that they need to be airlifted from their house. This type of goal takes a lot of work, you need to arrange for home delivery of meals, a nice "work from home" job needs to be acquired and you ocassionally have to "upgrade" or "upsize" your wardrobe. So far, I've not been able to find a new job to allow me to concentrate all of my energies on eating and laying still, but I do have some progress to report. I'm blowing by the XXL tee shirts for the roomier XXXL size!!!!! And I'm having trouble seeing Little Skip without the aid of a mirror. Glory be. I'm so excited.

To celebrate, I went to FORMAN MILLS the other day and stocked up on a whole rainbow of plain colored tees in the Triple X size and when I got home I realized I had inadvertantly purchase what the gals at work call a "ghetto gown." For those of you who don't know, did you ever see a "thug" looking guy at the movies (usually the one waiting for his girlfriend to buy the snacks or talking on his cell phone during the movie) who has on a baseball hat sideways and a tee shirt that basically hangs down to his knees? That's the look. I put on this shirt I bought in a lovely dark gray, jersey type material and the thing hung down to my knees. Being the white guy that I am in, and extremely lazy, I did what anyone else in my position would have done. I tucked that shit in to my pants. The office was so hot yesterday, that at some point I felt constricted and had to abort the "tuck in" and just flaunted my new look. I think I may have some newfound respect from a couple of people due to my brazen decision. I looked very Bone, Thugs and Harmony meets the Family Guy. The sad part of this story is that I'm gaining weight so fast I don't think it will be long before I have to upgrade again to 4X and then my new look will most likely bite the dust in exchange for the oversized medical scrubs; strictly for comfort purposes.