Foolish

Of late, I have steered this blog in the direction of pop culture musings and the daily mundane life that I lead and purposely away from heartfelt reflections on my personal life. This decision was pre-meditated and calculated on my part, not because ocassionally I suffer the embarassment of building up a relationship and then allow you to share in it's ultimate death. No, I did not get into detial this time around because I felt that you were tired of my banal and depressing banter and would appreciate a funny SNL clip instead. And, I guess I always knew that whatever was brewing in the personal life would be fleeting and ulimately would end up horrbily.

So, I'll spare myself the ebarassment a little since I didn't rave on here a couple hundred times about how in love I was, but the end result is still the same. I can't seem to figure out how to keep a good woman down I suppose. Not sure on that phrasing, but you get the point I hope.

Here's what I want, it's very plain and simple actually. I want to be worth it for someone. I want her to fight instead of giving up so easily. I want her to consider my emotions when she makes her decisions. For whatever reason, I don't get any of that. And it's unacceptable to me anymore. My one fault in a relationship appears to be that I am too intense with my emotions. Now silly me, if those emotions were rage or anger or violence, I could see the problem. But they aren't. They are true feelings, the kind that allow me to support, devote and care. The worst part about watching the house you are trying to build crumble to the ground, is that I feel like I'm always the only one who fucking cares.

This is not a cry for help or a mandate that I'm done with women. It's simply my one and only mention of the ill-fated, what could have been and never will be, end to all things Katie Pepin Beele. My disappointment in this fact cannot be measured. I'm haunted by many songs during my daily musings, but now all I hear is The Supremes Only Fools Fall In Love on repeat.