Removed, But Soundly Aware

So much is happening in the lives of those I left behind in Philadelphia that I feel compelled to mention it and explain how strange it is to be in the loop, yet so far away. Since moving away a year ago I've had a cousin get married, a sister drop out of school and attempt to deal with her issues, a brother begin to hit the film festival circuit with his first production, another sister graduate college, yet another sister travel to London for a semester, a best friend get engaged to a wonderful girl, another best friend end his relationship and go into a funk, another best friend decide the time was right to move to North Carolina with his family to start anew, a father retire after 30 plus years working for the same company and a friend finally end his troubled marriage. So many things that I'm just not around to be part of...

But I'm very aware of all of it. When I'm not obsessing over how my life is going here in Georgia, I'm thinking about all the changes happening in the lives of those I care about immensely. All of the beginnings and endings, all the highs and lows are reflected upon more than I probably let on. I'm not much of a phone guy, I don't call people as much as I probably should. Email is not a strength for many of the people mentioned above, which sucks because the written word is my forte. Myspace is more trivial than anything else, a comment doesn't do justice sometimes to the sentiment I need to send.

There is a definite bond you always have with people regardless of circumstances of distance. When I found out my buddy Gabe was moving to NC, I thought about two things immediately. On the one hand I'm stoked he will be closer, offer up a nice free vacation spot for me and will hopefully pursue his dreams of opening a restaurant finally. On the other hand, I was sad to see another friend abandon the city we all learned to love so much. And he is leaving behind the last of the mohicans in Jared, a guy who worries too much about too much instead of just trying to enjoy himself. Then again, this is just an impression I get from very infrequent phone calls and emails. Perhaps I am the one worrying about things I shouldn't worry about.

I'm so proud of my siblings pursuits over the past year. Mike and Crystal, the eldest two behind me, accomplished another successful year of marriage and parenting, a feat that is easily overlooked in this day and age. Their children are growing up so quickly and I can only hope that I live on in their memories when the get older, despite my absence. The next generation of siblings are spreading their wings and soaring to great heights without my constant interference and prodding. Daniel will no doubt owe a huge part of whatever success he has in the film world to my brother Mike for his patience and financial support. God knows that if I was there, I would most likely be the one doing what I had to give him the outlet. The success of any man can be measured in his support from those who almost never reap the rewards. Malia is a college graduate, spending her last summer as a child down the shore and will probably allow Daniel's inroads help her along in the pursuit of her future. Tina is traveling abroad as we speak and loving every moment of living in London. As a guy who traveled to the UK often in my early twenties, I can almost taste the excitement she must be feeling at this very moment. Her time there will change her forever, and hopefully give her the boost in maturity she needs to complete her last year of schooling. Candace, well I wish I could be there more for her as she goes through a rough time. So many in my family have tired of her situation, and this no doubt troubles her deeply. Often times she works so hard at being different and the wild child that she doesn't realize that she can be that person and achieve her goals at the same time. I see so much of myself in her and wish I could help her understand all that she doesn't, but I also respect her journey towards self discovery.

This past weekend I missed an engagement party that I so wish I could have attended. Kevin has become another brother of mine over the past 5 years, and I'm so honored to be representing him in his wedding next year to Noele. The two of them are perhaps the most genuine people I've ever encountered and at times, with my behavior, I suspect that I don't deserve them in my life. I'm a foul mouth, obnoxious, perverse asshole at times and they both overlook that more times than not. Having them visit me here in Augusta was a highlight from the past year and will always rank them aces in my book. I understand that not everyone can mark down a date with Augusta in their vacation book, but to visit me before some of my family has is remarkable to me. I know that they both know that although I wasn't there this weekend, I was drinking to their future together from here.

It's been a very strange ride, this relocation thing. I sometimes feel so isolated, so removed from all that is important to me. I've made connections here, but I'm still searching for that reason to make this my home. And it's hard to do that when so much is happening back home. My brother Dan likes to interpret posts like this and make assertions, so let me put a disclaimer on this for him...THIS DOES NOT MEAN I'M READY TO MOVE BACK. But when he does bring up the concept of moving home, I know that it's because he misses me. And that little boost gives me what I need to make it another week, month, year here in pursuit of my own place in the world.