And so it is, another weekend where I am working on a Saturday and not doing much of anything else. I am trying in vain to get my buddies together to watch the Eagles game at my house tomorrow, but the response to my invite has been tepid at best. I guess since my lifestyle has changed due to the crazy work schedule and in some of these cat's eyes I don't keep in touch as much, I'm not high on the priority list. C'est La Vie. That's french for "I don't really care." I used to be a guy that worried about hanging out and keeping the bonds people had with each other together for as long as possible. After a while you realize you are one guy paddling a boat full of people upstream. I don't like talking to people on the phone, I have social anxiety and I'm fucking poor. These factors lead to a less than exciting social life.
My point is that despite all these things, I do make an effort to involve my friends in my life. If I am having a BBQ the ones who may come get an invite, those who would never come don't. Saves me some time and trouble. I run a fantasy football league and most of my friends opted out due to other factors (wives, money, etc.) I make appearances at baby's birthday parties (with the coolest fucking gift I might add), stupid German fests that don't intertest me in the least, just to keep the relationship going...because if I didn't I'm sure I would just be cut loose. I'm expendable and that's the sad reality. Because I chose to work a job that pays very little, live my life on the cheap and not pursue the marriage and kids thing, I'm finding it harder and harder to relate to my friends. I fight the good fight, but sometimes I don't feel like it.
I'm almost 33, and I'm starting to see why Jesus was like, "alright...I'll die for everyone's sins." He was 33 too. Life just gets fucking old at 33. I'm still lusting unsucessfully after 20 year olds, sitting in my room, playing music or watching television....all the same shit I did in high school.
What is the moral of this story? Well, I hope to fuck I win Powerball tonight.
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