Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

Kill me!

Ok. So I have been forcing myself to just deal with my housing situation and not allow myself to have any enjoyment whatsoever. No watching TV shows that I like, no watching Netflix, no going to the movies on my day off, no shopping for anything other than necessities and despite my best efforts, all I've accomplished is stripping my life of anything that resembles joy. I still have no place to call my own and the deadline of January 31 looms and in the meantime I've made myself miserable. I have spent probably 400 hours on craigslist looking for a new apartment over the past 6 weeks. My eyes hurt when I sleep from being on the internet.

I'm consumed with my concerns about money, my job, my future, my nonexistent love life. I anxious to live on my own again, but scared by the prospect of what that means. Can I afford it? Will I get lonely? Will I become a hermit? Will I be able to afford a social life? There's that word again AFFORD. It's so expensive living alone in this city. Can I survive without cable, a luxury that might be too costly? Can I make it without internet at home, again too costly?

Tomorrow I am scheduled to see a couple of places and I need to be less picky than I ever have in my life. I need to make a move. I want to have a reason to rejoice on Saturday night, not wallow in depression over my lack of decent housing. We are celebrating the end of an era, the end of college for some and the end of The Ridge for all. I want this night be one full of memories and fun, not despair. It's bad enough that the impending threat of snow is already making this party unstable, I don't need to add to it.

Please, Please, Please, Let Me, Let Me, Get What I Want This Time