Woke up this morning and it hit me. The nasty plane trips, shaking hands with all kinds of people, kissing relatives (and friends) must have exposed me to some evil illness that has rendered me useless. Sore throat, mucus, it's a cold I suspect. I'm pretty bright like that. Anyway, that made work extra FUN after a 5 day vacation. Looks like everything got taken care of in my absence and the place was a ghost town today. So I can't complain too much. I'm back in there tomorrow morning at 7 AM which is thrilling. And then it's a night in with some champagne, port wine cheese and Red Stripe.
Anyway, here are my photos from the visit home.
Today I spent my Barnes and Noble gift card online. I grabbed the book Superstud, a wall calendar of classic Movie Posters and Leolo on DVD. Maximized the shit out of a $25 gift card. And then I thought about my Best Buy purchase, I'm thinking Sirius Radio (I'm dying listening to Nickelback and Alice in Chains EVERYDAY) or a scanner for those old family photos I just scored. Tomorrow, if I'm able and healthy enough, I will most likely give those Regal Bucks a shot at the theater. King Kong? Brokeback Mountain? Decisions, decisions.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Holiday Trek Home.
Just got back into town from a jaunt to Philly for the XMAS holidays and I am happy to report that I feel refreshed and renewed.
Gifts acquired:
1. The Truth by Al Franken, $30 in ITunes and Oedipus Wrecked by Kevin Keck from Brother Mike (my secret Santa).
2. $100 to Best Buy, $50 to Regal and an authentic Brian Westbrook Eagles' jersey from my Dad.
3 Some Old Navy wear and $50 from the Stepfather.
4. $50 from Grandparents.
5. Family Bonds DVD from Katie Beele
6. Cookies
7. Curve (cologne maybe?)
8. $25 to Barnes and Noble
A recap of the trip would most likely be a boring read, so I'll just go with highlights.
I arrived on XMAS afternoon around 12:30 and had my sister and her family pick me up at the airport. The plan was to surprise my family with an appearance on XMAS since all along I told them I was arriving on 12/26. Mission accomplished. My brothers and sisters were shocked I was there on XMAS and then over at Grandmom's a similar reaction. It was my gift to the family I suppose.
After some family time, I headed to my sister's house in Jersey where my father was waiting for my second round of XMAS delight. Monday night we met up with Dad's side of the family where a pretty heated political discussion unfolded and we spent a good amount of time sorting through family photos left by my Grandmother who passed away a couple years back. Since I have very little in terms of mementos from my youth, it was a thrill to gather up some old snapshots of my youth and my Dad when he was a kid. After Monday night I was through with family obligations and I spent the night downtown at my friend Kate's house. Kate is an amazing friend who used to work for me back in my Philly days and I was dying to see her for about the last month before I made the trip home. Without her friendship over the internet this last six months, I'd be a bigger mess than I am. We spent a nice quiet evening in chatting and watching TV. Tuesday I was forced to sleep at Brother Mike's abode while no one was home since Kate had to work as did everyone else I knew. Tuesday night was the visit with my boys at a watering hole in Upper Darby, followed by another go round at Kate's house Tuesday night. Wednesday was spent watching 8 episodes of the West Wing Season 2 on Kate's couch all fucking day followed by a visit with Myers, Brother Dan and Cousin Todd who moved into a house across the street from my Stepfather. I spent my final night at Todd's new house watching a movie with him and got up this morning and spent the majority of today getting back in town.
Here's the thing about visits home. You never have enough time to please everyone. I felt like I disappointed some people based on the choices I made. With a small window of time to work with I had to use my time wisely. Now I know spending time with Kate isn't something my family thinks is important, but it was vital to me to do. Where I have been for the last 6 months, feeling isolated at times, having many floundering moments with women, I needed to see what time with Kate would do for me. I wanted to know if being around her was the answer. This probably seems all over the place tonight, and I blame jet lag, but Kate and I have flirted for a long time and I've always had a strong bond with her. We have formulated a connection over the past year and a half and me coming back on the heels of Jamie disaster I had to just go for it and see if I could make something happen with Kate. As luck would have it, our connection seems legitimate. Kate is the kind of girl I could fall madly in love with, I know this for a fact. Our time together this past week was amazing and I cannot wait to see her again (which I will no doubt do shortly...). Having been down this road recently and getting hurt hasn't deterred me one bit from putting 100% into something and that was the biggest relief for me. One door closes and another opens I suppose.
Oh well, I'll be sure to post up a photo log of my adventures shortly. I'm not doing much for New Year's Eve, most likely staying in my apartment building and attending a function downstairs. I have work the next 2 days which sucks. And I am scared to be back here in Augusta since I just had a great trip and shit was really bad last time I was in town here. I guess we'll see how it goes...
Gifts acquired:
1. The Truth by Al Franken, $30 in ITunes and Oedipus Wrecked by Kevin Keck from Brother Mike (my secret Santa).
2. $100 to Best Buy, $50 to Regal and an authentic Brian Westbrook Eagles' jersey from my Dad.
3 Some Old Navy wear and $50 from the Stepfather.
4. $50 from Grandparents.
5. Family Bonds DVD from Katie Beele
6. Cookies
7. Curve (cologne maybe?)
8. $25 to Barnes and Noble
A recap of the trip would most likely be a boring read, so I'll just go with highlights.
I arrived on XMAS afternoon around 12:30 and had my sister and her family pick me up at the airport. The plan was to surprise my family with an appearance on XMAS since all along I told them I was arriving on 12/26. Mission accomplished. My brothers and sisters were shocked I was there on XMAS and then over at Grandmom's a similar reaction. It was my gift to the family I suppose.
After some family time, I headed to my sister's house in Jersey where my father was waiting for my second round of XMAS delight. Monday night we met up with Dad's side of the family where a pretty heated political discussion unfolded and we spent a good amount of time sorting through family photos left by my Grandmother who passed away a couple years back. Since I have very little in terms of mementos from my youth, it was a thrill to gather up some old snapshots of my youth and my Dad when he was a kid. After Monday night I was through with family obligations and I spent the night downtown at my friend Kate's house. Kate is an amazing friend who used to work for me back in my Philly days and I was dying to see her for about the last month before I made the trip home. Without her friendship over the internet this last six months, I'd be a bigger mess than I am. We spent a nice quiet evening in chatting and watching TV. Tuesday I was forced to sleep at Brother Mike's abode while no one was home since Kate had to work as did everyone else I knew. Tuesday night was the visit with my boys at a watering hole in Upper Darby, followed by another go round at Kate's house Tuesday night. Wednesday was spent watching 8 episodes of the West Wing Season 2 on Kate's couch all fucking day followed by a visit with Myers, Brother Dan and Cousin Todd who moved into a house across the street from my Stepfather. I spent my final night at Todd's new house watching a movie with him and got up this morning and spent the majority of today getting back in town.
Here's the thing about visits home. You never have enough time to please everyone. I felt like I disappointed some people based on the choices I made. With a small window of time to work with I had to use my time wisely. Now I know spending time with Kate isn't something my family thinks is important, but it was vital to me to do. Where I have been for the last 6 months, feeling isolated at times, having many floundering moments with women, I needed to see what time with Kate would do for me. I wanted to know if being around her was the answer. This probably seems all over the place tonight, and I blame jet lag, but Kate and I have flirted for a long time and I've always had a strong bond with her. We have formulated a connection over the past year and a half and me coming back on the heels of Jamie disaster I had to just go for it and see if I could make something happen with Kate. As luck would have it, our connection seems legitimate. Kate is the kind of girl I could fall madly in love with, I know this for a fact. Our time together this past week was amazing and I cannot wait to see her again (which I will no doubt do shortly...). Having been down this road recently and getting hurt hasn't deterred me one bit from putting 100% into something and that was the biggest relief for me. One door closes and another opens I suppose.
Oh well, I'll be sure to post up a photo log of my adventures shortly. I'm not doing much for New Year's Eve, most likely staying in my apartment building and attending a function downstairs. I have work the next 2 days which sucks. And I am scared to be back here in Augusta since I just had a great trip and shit was really bad last time I was in town here. I guess we'll see how it goes...
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Holidays
Well, it's Christmas Eve and I'm sitting home alone. But it's okay. I am dealing just fine with my recent let down romantically. I've grown up a lot in this department in the past couple of years, so I don't get my hopes up too high anymore. Last night Jamie and I awkwardly exchanged presents and more than likely said our last goodbye. Putting things in perspective, she doesn't want a boyfriend and I really, really want a girlfriend. A good old fashion recipe for disaster.
I am very hopeful for the future. 2006 just feels like it's gonna be a good one. Maybe I'll get what I want out of life, someone who gets me and accepts me. Someone worth my time and effort. Someone who appreciates what I bring to the table, a giant head, a bigger heart, a nasty sense of humor and questionable ethics. My cyincal nature is just looking to be extinguished by the right person.
Why spend the holidays depressed? I'm gonna pop on Elf, plop in front of the TV and just revel in the idea that I'll be home shortly. My family and friends will no doubt make me feel better about things. Oh wait, no they won't. I haven't been away that long. Ha. But it will be nice to have my balls busted by people who love me. Bring it on fuckers, bring it on.
Happy Holidays.
I am very hopeful for the future. 2006 just feels like it's gonna be a good one. Maybe I'll get what I want out of life, someone who gets me and accepts me. Someone worth my time and effort. Someone who appreciates what I bring to the table, a giant head, a bigger heart, a nasty sense of humor and questionable ethics. My cyincal nature is just looking to be extinguished by the right person.
Why spend the holidays depressed? I'm gonna pop on Elf, plop in front of the TV and just revel in the idea that I'll be home shortly. My family and friends will no doubt make me feel better about things. Oh wait, no they won't. I haven't been away that long. Ha. But it will be nice to have my balls busted by people who love me. Bring it on fuckers, bring it on.
Happy Holidays.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Get Me Out Of Here!
I cannot wait to be back in Philly for a short stay.
Work sucks.
My personal life sucks.
I need to regroup so that I can begin anew when I come back to Georgia late next week.
Jamie has become what every one told me she would become, and therefore as much as it pains me to say this, I'm deciding that I am not wasting my time on someone who thinks they are entitled to shit on me. Yeah, we had great times together, but in the end if you can explain away all the messed up shit about yourself by saying "I told you I wasn't going to be a walk in the park" then you need time to grow up and decide who it is you want to be. I care for her immensely, but even me being the most supportive fucking doting fucking pussy whipped idiot in the world wasn't enough to stop her from being a liar and destructive individual.
The good news for you all is that mopey, can't find love Skip is back in full effect. So keep reading! This shit could become inspirational again instead of flat out boring. And by inspirational, I mean I'll give you that much needed reason to be alive each day. Just knowing things aren't as bad for you as they are for me should put a smile on everyone's face.
But first, I will try to put on a smiley face for the holidays (something I haven't been capable of doing this entire week due to stress.) and look forward to seeing my family and my friends back in the city of brotherly love. I've got a lot to do in my short amount of time back in Philly, but above all the things I want to do and I'm obligated to do....the thing I am looking most forward to doing is seeing Beele. The timing is impeccible. My life is a train wreck and I know that seeing Beele with make most of it fall away until I have to come back here and deal with it.
Work sucks.
My personal life sucks.
I need to regroup so that I can begin anew when I come back to Georgia late next week.
Jamie has become what every one told me she would become, and therefore as much as it pains me to say this, I'm deciding that I am not wasting my time on someone who thinks they are entitled to shit on me. Yeah, we had great times together, but in the end if you can explain away all the messed up shit about yourself by saying "I told you I wasn't going to be a walk in the park" then you need time to grow up and decide who it is you want to be. I care for her immensely, but even me being the most supportive fucking doting fucking pussy whipped idiot in the world wasn't enough to stop her from being a liar and destructive individual.
The good news for you all is that mopey, can't find love Skip is back in full effect. So keep reading! This shit could become inspirational again instead of flat out boring. And by inspirational, I mean I'll give you that much needed reason to be alive each day. Just knowing things aren't as bad for you as they are for me should put a smile on everyone's face.
But first, I will try to put on a smiley face for the holidays (something I haven't been capable of doing this entire week due to stress.) and look forward to seeing my family and my friends back in the city of brotherly love. I've got a lot to do in my short amount of time back in Philly, but above all the things I want to do and I'm obligated to do....the thing I am looking most forward to doing is seeing Beele. The timing is impeccible. My life is a train wreck and I know that seeing Beele with make most of it fall away until I have to come back here and deal with it.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Up To My Ears In Shit
Today began with a nice vomit session on the way to work. The stress of the past couple of weeks has gotten to me and I'm at a bit of a breaking point. What's keeping me together right now is that I am on the verge of having some much needed time off for the holidays. Although I feel secure with my job, as hectic and overwhelming as it can be sometimes, I am experiencing an immense amount of turmoil in my life outside of the job. My confusion over what Jamie and I are up to has been lingering there in the distance as I try to focus on a) slaving away at work during the busiest time of year and b) trying not to fuck up perhaps the beginnings of a great relationship with her.
I've shifted a lot of my attention towards Jamie of late and as happy as it makes me, sometimes it feels like I'm the only one actually interested in anything beyond the moment. We have great times together, but eventually situations occur that make me very confused about her ability to contribute to a relationship with me. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, considering that she is coming off a tumultuous relationship, rather a few in a row, and I don't want to push her too hard. To be honest, I am the kind of person who desires so much to be loved that I'm trying not to rock the boat too much on the glimmer of hope that this shit works out for us. And this could be a mistake that I regret for a long time or it could be a very wise decision. The not knowing which it is right now is killing me.
Right now I am experiencing chest pains. Wow. This is awesome.
So much uncertainity is a bitch. And most likely the cause of said chest pains. Is this the work of my overactive brain that doesn't allow me to spend a moment enjoying anything in life? Here I am again detailing the misery of my mundane life instead of just putting on some music and going the fuck to bed. Alternating between episodes of Scrubs on DVD and drunken phone calls from my "friend who is a girl but not my girlfriend" after perhaps the shittiest day of work this year has wound me up and is no doubt the cause of my chest pains. Sprinkle in some late breaking news from back in Philly that should make me happy but only makes me sad, and I've got the makings of a shitty week. And it's merely Tuesday.
Where am I going? What am I doing? Why can't this shit just be easy? I'm a good fucking person, I do everything right. I am always here when I'm needed, fully supportive, 24-7. Why can't I just be rewarded with some fucking normalcy? Why can't I just win on ocassion? At this point I feel like my trip home will be a real test for me, a crossroads if you will. As much as I would love to come home and spout off that I've fallen in love with a super, amazing girl, I don't want to do it unless I feel like this is real. I've been a sucker too many times in my life, and I don't want to go there again.
I've had a crappy day. And maybe I'm not in the best mind set to be dealing with any of this right now. Perhaps I should go to bed, close my eyes and imagine that everything is okay. Maybe I'm just scared about a lot of things and it's making me think too much. Whatever the case is, I don't see me sorting anything out this evening...
I've shifted a lot of my attention towards Jamie of late and as happy as it makes me, sometimes it feels like I'm the only one actually interested in anything beyond the moment. We have great times together, but eventually situations occur that make me very confused about her ability to contribute to a relationship with me. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, considering that she is coming off a tumultuous relationship, rather a few in a row, and I don't want to push her too hard. To be honest, I am the kind of person who desires so much to be loved that I'm trying not to rock the boat too much on the glimmer of hope that this shit works out for us. And this could be a mistake that I regret for a long time or it could be a very wise decision. The not knowing which it is right now is killing me.
Right now I am experiencing chest pains. Wow. This is awesome.
So much uncertainity is a bitch. And most likely the cause of said chest pains. Is this the work of my overactive brain that doesn't allow me to spend a moment enjoying anything in life? Here I am again detailing the misery of my mundane life instead of just putting on some music and going the fuck to bed. Alternating between episodes of Scrubs on DVD and drunken phone calls from my "friend who is a girl but not my girlfriend" after perhaps the shittiest day of work this year has wound me up and is no doubt the cause of my chest pains. Sprinkle in some late breaking news from back in Philly that should make me happy but only makes me sad, and I've got the makings of a shitty week. And it's merely Tuesday.
Where am I going? What am I doing? Why can't this shit just be easy? I'm a good fucking person, I do everything right. I am always here when I'm needed, fully supportive, 24-7. Why can't I just be rewarded with some fucking normalcy? Why can't I just win on ocassion? At this point I feel like my trip home will be a real test for me, a crossroads if you will. As much as I would love to come home and spout off that I've fallen in love with a super, amazing girl, I don't want to do it unless I feel like this is real. I've been a sucker too many times in my life, and I don't want to go there again.
I've had a crappy day. And maybe I'm not in the best mind set to be dealing with any of this right now. Perhaps I should go to bed, close my eyes and imagine that everything is okay. Maybe I'm just scared about a lot of things and it's making me think too much. Whatever the case is, I don't see me sorting anything out this evening...
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Beer is Evil
A week like the one I just had at work forced me to go a touch overboard last night. In honor of Joolie's birthday the gang all met up at Firehouse and the beer was flowing like a river. I have no clue how much money I spent, but I think I had a good time. When I woke up this morning Jamie was in my bed, so I'm guessing that I didn't fuck up too much. Speaking of Jamie, the girl forced me to watch Green Acres Season 1 on Friday night in lieu of going out. She loves that show. Go figure. I bought her Season 2 and 3 on DVD for XMAS which made her oh so delighted. I guess I'll be watching a lot of that show in the future.
Tonight my team at work is getting together for a holiday dinner at some steakhouse. I feel like a bag of shit right now, so I'm hoping I recover over the next 2 hours. Otherwise, this could be a long evening. I guess I'll go back on the couch and watch the Colts win another game. And continue to zone out into a coma like state. Or maybe I should shower? Eh, I'll figure it out.
Tonight my team at work is getting together for a holiday dinner at some steakhouse. I feel like a bag of shit right now, so I'm hoping I recover over the next 2 hours. Otherwise, this could be a long evening. I guess I'll go back on the couch and watch the Colts win another game. And continue to zone out into a coma like state. Or maybe I should shower? Eh, I'll figure it out.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Horrible Week
This is hell week for me. The push for holiday gift cards for the entire Urban Outfitters website and catalogue divisions across all brands falls on my shoulders. I'm so tired and stressed out that I'm pretty much an asshole to be around 99% of the time. I've never been more anxious to get a holiday over with than I am with XMAS this year. I've managed to get most of my shopping done via the internet, but I've got a couple more things to grab before I can officially say I'm done.
To make matters worse I'm trying to figure out the situation with Punk Rock Baby. What I've learned in the past couple of weeks is that yeah, I like her and yeah, she likes me. And this is all well and good, but I'm concerned that she is super instense about things one day and the next day she is very standoffish and distant. Granted, I'm pretty intense myself, I am more than willing to take things to the next level rather quickly just to see if this can work, so I can't really blame her for being hot and cold. It's just that when I'm with her, man, it's just so good. I want to just stay in those moments for days and enjoy the hell out of it.
I guess I'm just expecting too much too soon. Afterall, she is living with her ex-boyfriend at the moment. The same guy that she was cheating on with me. I know that most folks would say that this is a recipe for disaster, once a cheater always a cheater, and I'd be lying if I said I don't think about that. And when she is cold instead of hot, my mind goes right there. The girl is very friendly with many, many guys, so it's hard for me to imagine that I'm only person who is interested in her. I always tell her that I'm not concerned about her talking or hanging out with other guys, which is partially true. I'm kind of confused about where my boundary is with that anyway? I'm not her boyfriend, so why should I get upset? But at the same time, I really want to be with her and when she says she wants to take it slow, I immediately think that it means "I'm not done weighing my options" and that she is getting ready to just tell me that she's done.
The last week or so we've been discussing the concept of her moving in with me. Mind you, this was her idea. And I've really got zero problems with that situation mainly because I feel great when she's around and if she's around all the time, then maybe I'll be feeling great all the time. Her living situation is not exactly the best in my opinion, the ex-boyfriend, the insecure best friend, dirty living space, and she is about to go to school in the Spring, so I'm thinking living here would be a help to her. Financially she is having some struggles as well, and I know first hand how financial troubles can fuck up your life and make you lose focus. So after some back and forth, I've come to this realization. When she's drunk living with me is the best solution. When she's sober, no way Jose. Now I don't care one way or the other, but when you go down the road of discussing living together before you have even defined what you relationship is....well, it just seems like there is work to be done. I'm fully committed right now to building a future with this girl, and that's a bold statement for me, but I want to know that I'm not wasting my time. I want to feel like I'm working towards something. Maybe I want to take things faster than she does and that is why I'm feeling all weird about shit? Like I said, I have a tendancy to move into the "relationship" stage very quickly. I know the right thing to do is to give her time to deal with her break up, focus on herself, allow us to develop organically as best friends first, but when I come home from a shitty day at work, I selfishly want her to be here for me. Maybe this just proves that I am insecure and in dire need of affection?
I sincerely hope that things with her and I move into the right direction. I feel as though we compliment each other and that we are good together. And I really think "we" can work. You can't rush greatness, now can you? I guess I need to relax and just remember to breathe when the shit gets to thick. Tomorrow is a new day...
To make matters worse I'm trying to figure out the situation with Punk Rock Baby. What I've learned in the past couple of weeks is that yeah, I like her and yeah, she likes me. And this is all well and good, but I'm concerned that she is super instense about things one day and the next day she is very standoffish and distant. Granted, I'm pretty intense myself, I am more than willing to take things to the next level rather quickly just to see if this can work, so I can't really blame her for being hot and cold. It's just that when I'm with her, man, it's just so good. I want to just stay in those moments for days and enjoy the hell out of it.
I guess I'm just expecting too much too soon. Afterall, she is living with her ex-boyfriend at the moment. The same guy that she was cheating on with me. I know that most folks would say that this is a recipe for disaster, once a cheater always a cheater, and I'd be lying if I said I don't think about that. And when she is cold instead of hot, my mind goes right there. The girl is very friendly with many, many guys, so it's hard for me to imagine that I'm only person who is interested in her. I always tell her that I'm not concerned about her talking or hanging out with other guys, which is partially true. I'm kind of confused about where my boundary is with that anyway? I'm not her boyfriend, so why should I get upset? But at the same time, I really want to be with her and when she says she wants to take it slow, I immediately think that it means "I'm not done weighing my options" and that she is getting ready to just tell me that she's done.
The last week or so we've been discussing the concept of her moving in with me. Mind you, this was her idea. And I've really got zero problems with that situation mainly because I feel great when she's around and if she's around all the time, then maybe I'll be feeling great all the time. Her living situation is not exactly the best in my opinion, the ex-boyfriend, the insecure best friend, dirty living space, and she is about to go to school in the Spring, so I'm thinking living here would be a help to her. Financially she is having some struggles as well, and I know first hand how financial troubles can fuck up your life and make you lose focus. So after some back and forth, I've come to this realization. When she's drunk living with me is the best solution. When she's sober, no way Jose. Now I don't care one way or the other, but when you go down the road of discussing living together before you have even defined what you relationship is....well, it just seems like there is work to be done. I'm fully committed right now to building a future with this girl, and that's a bold statement for me, but I want to know that I'm not wasting my time. I want to feel like I'm working towards something. Maybe I want to take things faster than she does and that is why I'm feeling all weird about shit? Like I said, I have a tendancy to move into the "relationship" stage very quickly. I know the right thing to do is to give her time to deal with her break up, focus on herself, allow us to develop organically as best friends first, but when I come home from a shitty day at work, I selfishly want her to be here for me. Maybe this just proves that I am insecure and in dire need of affection?
I sincerely hope that things with her and I move into the right direction. I feel as though we compliment each other and that we are good together. And I really think "we" can work. You can't rush greatness, now can you? I guess I need to relax and just remember to breathe when the shit gets to thick. Tomorrow is a new day...
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Oh- la-la-la-la-la
So Diddy made his band. The girl band that is. Not Da Band, who are most likely going by the moniker DisBanded. Anyway, I'm thrilled to say that my girl Aubrey made the cut. In fact, all the sexy bitches are in the new band. I have an idea for a new Diddy reality show that I'm emailing over to Bad Boy today. It's called Fucking the Band and it stars this latest incarnation and me. I'll never buy a record by this group, but I'll give a video or two a watch and a tug for sure. Good work P. Diddy.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
The Catch Up
Guy #1: Ah man, last night was a tough one!
Guy #2: Another one of your famous drunken nights?
Guy #1: No. Another one of my not-so-famous sober nights.
Coinciding with an absolutely critical push at work to make holiday deadlines was a disaster of maximum proportions. Under my watch, I had an employee rob the company blind. Now I would argue that I'm not completely responsible for this event taking place, proper controls were not in place and people who steal are going to find a way, but since I was in charge I have this horrible, nagging feeling that I could do an amazing job the next 5 years and always be labeled as the guy who let this shit happen. To make matters worse, the employee in question was someone I considered an actual friend. It's like getting a nice, hard punch in the stomach. However, I have rebounded from this nightmare, appear to be making it through the holiday season without any further problems and I've assembled a crack team of people to run my gift card operation. Of course, last week and this week are the 2 weeks out of the year that I have to work 10-12 hours a day, so I'm really run down and looking forward to my jaunt home for the holidays. I was so exhausted from the week I just had that I took a nap last night from 9 PM to 10:30 PM, attempted to drink a beer or two and make the scene at some local bars, but I was just too out of it. I did swear off 80's night based on prior experiences, so I guess things have a way of working out.
The reality of my not having any fun last night is more or less tied to something else entirely than feeling exhausted. It seems as though I have made the push into working on a full fledge relationship with a young lady. And this lady friend of mine is out of town this weekend, leaving me lonely and longing. I'm certain I more or less went through the motions to take my mind off of not seeing her. I'm hooked. What can I say? Now I'm not sure that many will approve of my choice in this area of my life, considering what I've written about her in the past, but I'm tyring to make something happen with Punk Rock Baby. I've always wanted to be the type of person who looks past people's flaws and tries to give them the benefit of the doubt, and with Jamie I have the opportunity to do just that. I'm not at the point where I feel the need to explain away every nuance of what I'm feeling and shit, but I know that when I'm with her, when I talk to her, I feel love and it feels fucking good. So I'm going with it. Fuck the naysayers. I've spent so much time wasting away, hoping for something to happen that's not going to happen that it's refreshing to put effort into something that is give and take. I've begun to focus on her and let my desire towards other women fall to the wayside, which I'm sure is a clear indication that I'm falling for this chick.
Jack Johnson : It's always better when we're together.
Yeah, Jamie even has me becoming a fan of Jack Johnson which has caused Brother Dan to say that he was "lighting himself on fire" when I informed him of this very fact. It's been a long time since I felt this way. I love the idea of falling in love and being connected with another person. And although the skeptic in me is always waiting to be hurt, I've decided that I'm going to enjoy the fucking ride this time. If I crash and burn it won't be the first time, so I have coping skills. But what if it's not going to unravel? What if it works out? What if it's the greatest relationship of my life? Guess I'll find out.
Guy #2: Another one of your famous drunken nights?
Guy #1: No. Another one of my not-so-famous sober nights.
Coinciding with an absolutely critical push at work to make holiday deadlines was a disaster of maximum proportions. Under my watch, I had an employee rob the company blind. Now I would argue that I'm not completely responsible for this event taking place, proper controls were not in place and people who steal are going to find a way, but since I was in charge I have this horrible, nagging feeling that I could do an amazing job the next 5 years and always be labeled as the guy who let this shit happen. To make matters worse, the employee in question was someone I considered an actual friend. It's like getting a nice, hard punch in the stomach. However, I have rebounded from this nightmare, appear to be making it through the holiday season without any further problems and I've assembled a crack team of people to run my gift card operation. Of course, last week and this week are the 2 weeks out of the year that I have to work 10-12 hours a day, so I'm really run down and looking forward to my jaunt home for the holidays. I was so exhausted from the week I just had that I took a nap last night from 9 PM to 10:30 PM, attempted to drink a beer or two and make the scene at some local bars, but I was just too out of it. I did swear off 80's night based on prior experiences, so I guess things have a way of working out.
The reality of my not having any fun last night is more or less tied to something else entirely than feeling exhausted. It seems as though I have made the push into working on a full fledge relationship with a young lady. And this lady friend of mine is out of town this weekend, leaving me lonely and longing. I'm certain I more or less went through the motions to take my mind off of not seeing her. I'm hooked. What can I say? Now I'm not sure that many will approve of my choice in this area of my life, considering what I've written about her in the past, but I'm tyring to make something happen with Punk Rock Baby. I've always wanted to be the type of person who looks past people's flaws and tries to give them the benefit of the doubt, and with Jamie I have the opportunity to do just that. I'm not at the point where I feel the need to explain away every nuance of what I'm feeling and shit, but I know that when I'm with her, when I talk to her, I feel love and it feels fucking good. So I'm going with it. Fuck the naysayers. I've spent so much time wasting away, hoping for something to happen that's not going to happen that it's refreshing to put effort into something that is give and take. I've begun to focus on her and let my desire towards other women fall to the wayside, which I'm sure is a clear indication that I'm falling for this chick.
Jack Johnson : It's always better when we're together.
Yeah, Jamie even has me becoming a fan of Jack Johnson which has caused Brother Dan to say that he was "lighting himself on fire" when I informed him of this very fact. It's been a long time since I felt this way. I love the idea of falling in love and being connected with another person. And although the skeptic in me is always waiting to be hurt, I've decided that I'm going to enjoy the fucking ride this time. If I crash and burn it won't be the first time, so I have coping skills. But what if it's not going to unravel? What if it works out? What if it's the greatest relationship of my life? Guess I'll find out.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Exhaustion
I am there.
Thanklessly long, tiring days worrying about gift cards for the holidays is making me slowly lose it. I woke up yesterday at 5:30 AM freaking out about getting to work early to get started on the day's tasks. The weekend seems so far off yet, but I can assure you when it comes I will be swimming in libations.
For now, I get up, work, come home, sleep. And in between I'm trying to fall in love. This is a story I must save for a day when work hasn't destroyed my very being. What day is it anyway? I'm sure I have some type of bill that I forgot to pay...
Thanklessly long, tiring days worrying about gift cards for the holidays is making me slowly lose it. I woke up yesterday at 5:30 AM freaking out about getting to work early to get started on the day's tasks. The weekend seems so far off yet, but I can assure you when it comes I will be swimming in libations.
For now, I get up, work, come home, sleep. And in between I'm trying to fall in love. This is a story I must save for a day when work hasn't destroyed my very being. What day is it anyway? I'm sure I have some type of bill that I forgot to pay...
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Murderball
This documentary about wheel chair rugby is an interesting look at life after tragedy and the complexity of the rivalry between an old USA team player who now coaches the Canadian team and his ex-teammates. The portraits of these athletes is very engrossing and the MTV style of editing/direction makes the sport look more exciting that it actually is. Call me shallow, but mid-way through this movie I was convinced that wheel chair rugby would be the worst thing to ever watch from the tip off to the final buzzer. It's not as brutal as I was expecting, so I was a little let down.
However, seeing these guys regain some normalcy in their lives after horrific car accidents and life threatening childhood illnesses hooked my interest and for that reason I would recommend watching it.
However, seeing these guys regain some normalcy in their lives after horrific car accidents and life threatening childhood illnesses hooked my interest and for that reason I would recommend watching it.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Craziest Week Ever
I made it to Saturday. Thank goodness. This week was incredibly surreal and intense for many reasons, none of which I will go into on this here post. Considering that I don't know who reads this stuff anymore, I would hate to speak about things I shouldn't be. I'll just say that I had some serious challenges crop up at work that have made my life miserable and I've been working like a dog. But it's not all bad, there have been some work developments that are good too. Christmas time is always intense, but my company always tries their best to make you feel like you matter. So getting rewarded when the shit is hitting the fan just added to the surreal nature of the week.
Personally, I've been all over the map too. Constantly examining why I think the way I do about people. Grappling with the issue of love, connection and all that other shit. I guess for me I've just come to a conclusion that anything that is work in that department just isn't fun. So I'm just going to begin enjoying myself and not worry about things to much. I'll say that I have realized what it is like to have someone reciprocate feelings and it feels pretty fucking good. It beats longing for some chick that doesn't make a fucking effort. Ever. Maybe I'm moving into another stage of my life, one where I decide to commit to something, someone and stop trying to make things happen that just aren't possible.
Personally, I've been all over the map too. Constantly examining why I think the way I do about people. Grappling with the issue of love, connection and all that other shit. I guess for me I've just come to a conclusion that anything that is work in that department just isn't fun. So I'm just going to begin enjoying myself and not worry about things to much. I'll say that I have realized what it is like to have someone reciprocate feelings and it feels pretty fucking good. It beats longing for some chick that doesn't make a fucking effort. Ever. Maybe I'm moving into another stage of my life, one where I decide to commit to something, someone and stop trying to make things happen that just aren't possible.
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