This installment of Skip moves to a God forsaken Red State is sponsored by an illegal download of the new Coldplay album X&Y which is yummy as all hell. The same cannot be said for the move situation. In fact it's giving me indigestion. A lot of indigestion.
So as of today I haven't heard from the so-called realtor that was appointed by my "relocation expert" to assist me with finding an apartment in the Augusta, Georgia area. I kind of sensed that shit wasn't going to go well when I spoke with this woman once about 4 weeks ago and she indicated that she wasn't all that familiar with the loft apartment scene in the area. In fact, she had me email her all the links I had come up with on my own online. She never did reply to that email....oh well, as usual I digress.
I wouldn't be that worried about not hearing from her, but since I'm heading down to the Augusta area TOMORROW, I guess you could say that I kind of expected to hear a little something from her by now. Wait, that's a lie. My friend Joolie, who is also moving down and is at this moment wandering around Augusta trying to find a place on her own, gave me a head's up last week that she talked with our "realtor" (apparently we were assigned the same lady) who seemed completely unaware that she was looking to rent as opposed to own. Our realtor then pawned Joolie off onto another realtor who deals with "rentals" who unfortunately wasn't available the times that Joolie was in the area. What a joke! I'm already looking to skull fuck these Southern Belles in slacks and vests who call themselves realtors. Face it bitch you are a wife. Not a realtor. If you were, you would fucking hustle for clients. Did that come off as too angry?
So here I am, spending Memorial Day weekend attempting to contact realtors and apartment complexes on my own a few days shy of rolling into a new town where I know nothing and absolutely MUST find a place to live. I only have this one shot to find a place, otherwise I'm either living in a hotel with all my shit in storage or I'm staying put here in Filthly with no job. Who is around Memorial Day weekend for me to contact you ask? Well, nobody. At this point, I have basically two leads on places and Joolie in the trenches calling me each day with a progress report on her findings. After her first day, my voicemail went something like this....
"I can't find shit for under $600 anywhere and I can't reach any realtors on the phone. I drove by Aiken which closes at dusk, Augusta looks a little better. I'm going to die down here. I just know it. I'm tired and need to go to bed."
Doesn't sound too promising.
So I'm going to need all of you lot to suck it up and talk to God for me. Ask him to help me find a place. I would ask myself, but he and I aren't really on speaking terms anymore. Thanks for helping me out.
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Yeah I'm not a fan of "relocation experts." My old company assigned me one for my move to Minneapolis. At least he knew I was coming and what I needed, but all he showed me was a bunch of huge overpriced "luxury" apartment complexes, which you know they get a kickback from. I moved into one but was much happier a year later when I found something on my own.
I'd try not to stress about finding a place--it's always a crap shoot when you're unfamiliar with the area. If you're stressing about finding a 1/1 for under $600, I'd either get realistic or consider finding a roommate.
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