Today is one of those unexpected days where you get hit with something that you could have never prepared yourself for. I recall when my mother became sick and we were told that she would never wake up from her coma, utter fucking shock. You feel helpless and confused. You try to scream but instead hang with mouth agape and soak it all in. Let the sadness wash over you slowly and consume you completely.
Today a girl I thought I loved attempted suicide. And I honestly don't know how to react to it. Do I make a joke because she was kind of crazy and most folks think she is a loon? Do I brush it off since she isn't my worry anymore? Do I even give a shit at all since basically she fucked me over and I was trying so hard to help her? Do I blame myself for not trying hard enough to help her?
Recently she jumped off a bridge into the Savannah River and when she survived claimed she was just going swimming. When I first met her she had just gotten out of the hospital after an attempted overdose of pills. So this event today would mark the 3rd attempt on her life since I met her in June of last year. Can you imagine the fucking sadness that she has to want to keep doing this? Can you imagine the depths of her inability to cope with life? It so sad to me that a 20 year old can't find the strength to just give life a go.
I cannot understand why someone who has such potential would down a bottle of Xanax instead of enjoying life. Yeah, life blows sometimes, but death blows worse. Like I said, I'm not sure how to process this at all. All I can really say is that I'm in shock.
Word on the street is that she is in Intensive Care now. When she wakes up, I sincerely hope this time she gets help and fixes whatever is broken.
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