Trick or Treat?

Eagles gave us a scare today with a close one against the Ravens, but they pulled it out and now stand alone as the only team in the NFL without a loss. Pittsburgh shoved it up the Pats' ass this week, so now they get to try and give out 2 undefeated teams their first loss back to back weeks. Bring it on.

Busted out the camera today to snap some shots of the little ones in costume. Ventured to the great NE to see my nephews, niece and baby sister in full on Halloween mode. Hyper chocolate eating frenzy!! Was disappointed in how lame my old neighborhood has become with the whole trick or treating thing. When I was a kid, you were on the street with a hundred other kids all trying to make it around the block as fast as you could. Tonight I stood outside waiting to give out candy for 20 minutes between groups of kids. And these kids today have no fucking enthusiasm. They mumble and put no effort into their costumes. I think I saw about forty kids with wings on their backs; including 3 of my sisters. You call this a costume? Come on now...

Oh well. Clearly I'm not alone in thinking that this Halloween was a complete disappointment. All of my sisters were in agreement that without our party here on The Ridge, the events this weekend let them empty. Maybe we should have gotten it together and thrown the damn thing again? We went from having Bam Magera and his band of merrymen in attendance two short years ago, to not having a party at all.

I'm gonna watch a movie called I'm Not Scared now in the hopes that it scares me. Afterall, it's still Halloween for a couple more minutes....

NO (fucking) W.

NO (fucking) W.
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter....and Spring

This is a very interesting Asian flick that I watched last night. It's a tale of a Buddist Monk and the art of zen. It's very simple and there is little dialogue, but it's so engrossing and beautiful. The story takes place on a lake throughout various stages of a man's life. In each of the seasonal parables, he learns another life lesson. I liked it.

Welcome to Lameville, I'm Your Host Skip

I couldn't do it. I was almost at the Halloween party tonight and I decided against it. Why?

1) I'm old.
2) I worked today.
3) I have work at 11 AM tomorrow morning and I need my rest because I'm old.
4) I wasn't in costume.
5) I couldn't find a parking spot.
6) I shit blood today....possibly a reaction to what I ate, possibly cancer of the stomach.
7) I am officially manic depressive with anxiety disorder on top.
8) I've been to a million parties and they are all the same.
9) I called ahead to survey the scene and was provided the following quote, "I haven't been upstairs in an hour, but last time I was it was weak"
10) I'm fucking lame.

In other news, my brother Mike managed to purchase a house on his own like a grown up. After all the build up, my involvement in the ownership of the "new house" wasn't necessary. However, at this time I'm officially a border in his Germantown oasis come the winter. The word came in today and I couldn't be more thrilled for the kid. Living in his Dad's basement with his wife and 2 year old has driven him almost to the verge of delirium. It will be nice to have him back amongst the living.

Scratch that bit above. Old Mike realized he was buying a house in the middle of the ghetto and withdrew his offer on the house. Yikes! I thought trying to get laid took a lot of energy....it doesn't compare to trying to buy a house.

And finally, I managed to hook up those $10 speakers I bought to my IPOD at work for after 8 PM listening pleasure. My battery died tonight at around 10:30, but at least I know they work and it makes work a little more tolerable listening to some tunes. Again...read the title of this post....I told you so.

Dropzines Come to Philly

Dropzines Show
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

My old band, the Dropzines (harmony laden indie pop) are coming to Philly and it would be swell if you could show your love. It's on the early side, so no complaining about having to work early the next day. Not sure about Whiskey Dix, but the music I can assure you will not disappoint.

Halloweenie

I have decided that I'm taking a year off from dressing up for Halloween. Chances are that if I just wear one of my normal ensembles, people will think I'm dressing as Michael Moore anyway. So why get all worked up over trying to figure out what to be? When you are my size and haven't shaved off your VanDyke in 15 years, you are very limited in what you can dress as anyway. I'll wait until I get my Extreme Makeover and then dress up as Brad Pitt from Fight Club every year for the next 10 years.

In place of our annual Halloween party that was scraped this year due to lack of enthusiasm, there is a party going on out in Fairmount that is hoping to steal our thunder. Or carry on the tradition? Whatever. I'm working until Midnight tonight and have to be back in work at 11 AM tomorrow morning, so no matter what I'm sure to miss out on the bulk of fun.

Ironically enough, I am out of work at 8 PM tomorrow night and off Sunday, so if the party were Saturday I would probably wind up enjoying it immensely. In any case, I am going tonight and making an appearance. I'm bringing the camera to try and document the remaining bits of goofiness the roommates get into before the walls crumble on this living situation. Plus I have pretty much abandoned the camera for the last 5 months and need to bust it out and use it more often.

Now I do know of a party tomorrow night that I could attend, but I'm not sure I could handle it. A pimp and ho party featuring 19 year old girls from work. I think I may have to avoid this one at all costs. No telling what kind of trouble I could get myself into....

Bid

Monroe!
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

The day has finally arrived. My brother Mike, his wife Deb and I all agreed on a house that we like over in Germantown and a bid was placed late yesterday afternoon.

The neighborhood seems alright, a little lower middle class...just like us. But the place was rehabbed from soup to nuts recently and is currently vacant. 6 Bedrooms, 2.5 baths, backyard, on street parking, couple blocks from train station. It seems to good to be true.

So the picture above may soon reflect my life as I attempt to live with a married couple with a small child. Remember when they made Ted Knight have a small child on Too Close For Comfort? Retirees raising a baby...now that's comedy.

"I'll change your diaper, then you can change Daddy's diaper!"

The One That Got Away

On the verge of 33, I guess I'm at that point in life where you start to reflect a little more clearly on how you spent your twenties. Not a mid-life crisis or anything like that, just some recollections of events and what not. Being single and childless, I have plenty of time to spend on reflection. Not that I want to be married and have kids, I'm merely saying that I bet all bachelor's once they hit a certain age think about what it would have been like if you chose a different path.

I think a story I heard yesterday at work put me in this odd state of rememberance. This guy was talking about his high school girlfriend who was really cool and how her sister wound up married to The Edge. He was saying that if things worked out differently, his brother in law right now would be The Edge. That's fucked.

Maybe seeing my buddy Rob's sister last night added to this decision to piece things together. I remember vividly in college of having a huge crush on Beth who was still in high school at the time. Sounds sick now that I am 33, but I was 20 at the time and she was probably 15 or 16 which isn't too bad. I'm thinking she might actually be responsible for my continued obession with young gals. Hogwash!

I can only blame myself for continuing to look at teenage girls as a viable dating alternative. I'm not sure why I do this. I mean the attraction factor comes across as possibly illicit considering my continued maturity. Lolita looks pretty in that two piece...fucking sicko. Maybe it's the uncomplicated behavior of a teenage girl. She's more concerened with material things than procreating. I rule out dating most women in my demographic simply because I don't want kids and I'm allergic to cats. That wipes out a ton of eligible single women.

Whatever the fascination with women 20 and under is, I'm sure it is making me seem more and more like a dirty old man instead of a real person. I'm a bit of a caricature to most, potty mouthed and willing to say anything to make people uncomfortable. But I think there must be a deeper reason for how I act and who I ultimately am. Was it because I wasn't a cassanova in high school? Was it because my parent's divorced when I was 3? Was it because I went to an all boy's high school? Part of me thinks that all of these had an impact on shaping who I am today.

I have spent a large part of my life not having any intimacy with a member of the opposite sex. I have had relationships, but nothing longer than say 6 months. It's odd. Sometimes I am happy to say that and other times I think it makes me seem a bit like a freak. I don't exactly crave a relationship, but sometimes I wonder why I am not more actively looking for one. The older I get, the more distant I am becoming with my friend's who are all grown up. Most of them are married, dating someone or having kids....and here I am doing nothing. I work, I watch TV, I read, I sleep, I blog. I'm not a go getter when it comes to women. Fear of rejection is a huge part of that. It's not just fear, it's actually rejection that I have suffered that beats me back into my shell. Most of my casual hook ups in the past few years have all been a drunken mistake that some girl made. How's that for your self esteem? Mr. Mistake. I'm not saying that these women were cruel enough to refer to me as a mistake to my face, but their behavior the following day says it all. (Ever get the feeling that you are sharing to much? That's where I am RIGHT NOW.)

Is there a point to all this rambling? I guess so. It's just that I wish I could have made one of these hook ups turn into a relationship of some sort. It would be nice to have some experience longer than 6 months to draw on. Even if it's for material to shape my dreams or musings. In college I spent a lot of time being 'the friend' to girls. I should have been more forthcoming and just told them straight out that my angle was to be a boyfriend, not a friend. I've spent the last few years doing just that and as a result I don't have many female friends. Some women look at me like a pig, not just my physical stature, but my personality as well. And that sucks. How do I fix it? I don't know. I remember back in the day, when I had female friends, they would always tell me that I was too nice. Apparently boyfriend's are assholes and until I become one, I won't succeed. I like being nice. I like being concerned about people. And supportive. And complimentary. What the fuck is wrong with that. I think that I get a bum rap sometimes. I'm not a pervert because I like one of my sister's friends. I can't help who I like. If I feel a connection or attraction to someone, I need to act on it consequences be damned. I'm getting to old for this shit. Either I am going to become a hermit who is extremely social at work, but otherwise hides in his room or I'm going to find the right gal to make mine.

Bottom line. I'm currently accepting applications for a girlfriend. Must be between the ages of 18-24, must like attention and pampering, must like movies. If you are a bitch, all the better. The machocist in me is attracted to the bitchy ones.

Oh Crap!

NAIROBI (Reuters) - More than 100 jailed Kenyan street children smeared themselves and their Nairobi cells with feces in a protest Wednesday, leading police to call in firefighters to hose them down.

Now I love a good shit story like anyone, but if you dig past the headlines on this one you get to the real tragedy.

Nairobi's streets are home to thousands of homeless children, many of them abandoned or orphaned by AIDS. Many steal and sniff glue and are regarded as an aggressive menace. They are also often the victims of abuse and violence.

Awesome. Book my trip for Africa post haste. But seriously, American kids bitch when they run out of a PS2 game at Target. Could be worse. Who's with me?

Sedaris, Conference, Long Day

I'm immensely tired at this point. Up at 7 AM, spent all day sitting at a conference about software for workforce management that my company should buy but probably won't. (Workforce huh?) Then over to work for a catch up on emails. Then off to the Kimmel Center to see the wonderfully funny David Sedaris.

My back is aching from sitting prone all day, but it was worth it. Seeing David Sedaris was a delight. (Good job Dan...finally a birthday present that doesn't suck ass.) I ran into my friend Rob's sister Beth there and was able to grab an address from her to start a postcard love affair. Now that Rob has settled down and become a house wife in SF, I need a new postcard buddy.

Anyway, I have to do a weekly recap for my Fantasy Football league (I beat my old man this week...hoo-ha!) and watch Biggest Loser on VHS before I head to slumber land.

Yum.

Yum.
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

What I Want From A President

With a week to go before we elect John Kerry as President, I think it would be nice to put together a little list of things I want to see from Kerry. I'm not talking about World Peace and Lower Taxes and all that pie in the sky bullshit. These are things that I want. Just me. Although some of you may agree with them, I am asking for them for myself. If you benefit, then so be it.

1.) When something falls out of your tooth and you call your dentist for an appointment, you should only have to wait 48 hours maximum before being seen. High health care premiums and considerable over charges that every dentist makes to your insurance company should warrant you a little immediacy when you actually have a fucking need to see the dentist. (I had to wait 2 weeks to see my dentist when a filling in my mouth fell out. Then when I got in there, all they did was clean it and tell me to come back in 5 days for a dentist to re-fill it. When I went back for the refill, the dentist says it's now too close to the nerve and therefore you need a root canal from some other guy who can't see you until November. And oh yeah, once he's done with you, you need to have those wisdom teeth removed so that we can fit a crown on that newly root canaled tooth of yours. And P.S. you have a co=pay for all of this...)

2.) When you register to VOTE, your polling location should be printed on your voter registration card in fucking english. Not some sort of government code. It's hard enough getting people to show up at the polls when they know where they are for fuck's sake.

3.) You shouldn't have to pay car insurance on a car once you have paid into the insurance system more money than the car is worth. I know people paying $200 a month in this city for a car that is only worth $200?!?!? Huh????

4.) Prostitution should be legalized. And there will be a decency standard imposed. This means that the hookers will have to be decent looking. No ugly bitches sucking dick for crack.

5.) 6 weeks paid vacation from every employer per year.

6.) College education should be free. And on top of that all student loans already in repayment status should be forgiven.

This is just a starter list of my demands. I'm always working on adding to the list. So if you have any you would like to add, comment this post and when I talk to Kerry I'll let him know what's up.

Saturday Night

Perhaps I should have went out? Like a fool, I stayed in. Alone. Watched some midget porn. Surfed the internet. I thought long and hard about how my lifestyle models that of every serial killer in the last 40 years. I'm single. I keep to myself. Don't hang out with many friends. So much for the big 3 day weekend!

And now I have diarrhea from eating Mexican during the Eagles game. Guess that makes tonight a wash too.

I Didn't Heart Huckabees

Very talky. Plays long. Not sure it should have been a comedy. Schwartzman and Wahlberg were the only people who looked comfortable with the dialogue. Schwatrzman is so funny to me. Like Owen Wilson. He has a quality to him that makes it impossible to not expect everything that comes out of his mouth to be a joke. Naomi Watts looked good, but had a worthless role. Jude Law looked awkward. My least favorite David O. Russell film at this point.

The Office

BBC America this weekend is broadcasting the 2 hour special filmed 3 years after the original run of the 12 episode series. If you don't know what The Office is, kill yourself.

Tivo that shit biatch!

Link is Stereophonics covering the theme song Rod Stewart's Handbags and Gladrags. (Thanks Stereogum.com)

In Good Spirits

My boss April is the bomb.

The other night I got stranded at work doing time on this set up we call the bridge. Essentially, when you go to the bridge you don't have time to piss, shit or breathe. It's a phone and computer that is set up to receive incoming questions from the staff who are taking orders over the phone. Now most days, a supervisor like myself will spend about 3 1/2 hours manning the bridge. When I work 3- Midnight, I get to ride the bridge from 8 PM to close since no one else is there after 8 PM. On Monday, my 7th day in a row of work, a scheduling snafu caused me to get on the bridge at 5 PM and man it until Midnight. Ugh. It's a horrible fate.

Anyway, for being the good soldier, the aforementioned April is allowing me to begin my long weekend early by allowing me to work tomorrow from 11 AM to 4 PM. How cool is that? And then on Tuesday, instead of returning to work, I am actually attending a conference in Philly with April about Call Center shizzle. (I got a postcard about this conference and approached her about attending and she decided to join me....probably because she can just sense that I am a good time...) So essentially as of 4 PM tomorrow, I have no work until next Wednesday which is super. Did I mention that Tuesday night post the conference I have David Sedaris at the Kimmell Center? Looks like the sun might actually come out on me this weekend.

I Was Waiting For This Link With Video!

So here it is...JON STEWART on CROSSFIRE!

Shoptastic!

Today I decided to play a little game with my money. America's Best Eyeglasses fucked me over on my second pair of glasses by not only delivering them to me fucked up, but then losing them for 3 months. (A long story...) Anyway, I decided to go there today and demand my $120 back. Mission Accomplished. So once I got this refund, I decided to try and spend it all on other shit since in reality I had already spent the money 3 months ago.

Here's how I did:

Depeche Mode 101 DVD for $13.77 @ FYE
Foot care shit for $20 @ Eckerd
2 tee shirts for $20 @ Pac Sun
Speakers for my IPOD (so I can listen to it at work) for $9.99 @ Best Buy
New CDs (Beasties Boys, Keane and Jimmy Eat World) for $37 @ Best Buy

Shopping for sport makes it more interesting.

Team America; World Police

I had high hopes, but alas the South Park guys just aren't funny outside of doing the cartoon thing. Basketball, Orgazmo and now Team America. When are they no longer allowed to make films that don't star Kyle, Cartman, Stan and Kenny?

The major flaw for me was that they don't pick a side, they just make fun of everyone. And the puppets play it straight a la a Hollywood action flick which is funny for like 25 minutes and then it is just annoying. I loved the songs which was also the strength of the South Park movie in my opinion, but otherwise I could have passed on this one.

Use extreme caution if you decide to see this film.

Gorgeous Day Off

It's miserable out. And I'm cold. Slept until 11:30 AM in honor having not having to do a fucking thing today. Perfect day for a movie, and maybe some clothes shopping. I'm sporting tee shirts from like 3 years ago in my wardrobe, it's plain embarassing.

Watched a documentary called Rivers and Tides before I went to bed last night. It's about this Scottish artist who builds sculpture out of rocks and driftwood and other pieces of nature. His work was inspired by the river as a youngster and a lot of it features S shaped themes. It was kind of rad, so check it out if you like art.

Still have high hopes that I will be doing something meaningful this coming weekend. With three days off in a row, I gotta take advantage. Maybe drive somewhere...and just wing it. Road trip.

Day 7

So I'm about to roll out to work for the 7th straight day. Ugh. It's not that the work is very difficult or taxing, it's just that usually my plate has more on it from being out of the office for 2 days. Last night from about 6 PM until Midnight I did absolutely nothing at work except stay awake. It's just busy enough so that everyone else working is on a call and I'm basically there in case anything goes wrong.

I'm rocking the midnight shift again today. But I'm off tomorrow and looking to check out Team America World Police for shits and giggles. What's cool is that all this working has gotten me a 3 day weekend this coming weekend. Done at 8 PM on Friday until Tuesday...

Me and the Old Man

So my Pops came up from Virginnie for the weekend and picked me up from work Friday night to take me out on the town with him. Since I haven't written in detail about the kind of man my father is, I guess I should preface my time with him with a little bio on the shizzle.

Joe is 57 and single. Or if you like, twice divorced. He sired my sister and myself in the early 70's and promptly gave up having children. His role of weekend Dad makes his contribution to my upbringing sound trite, but that's what he was. I am cut from the identical mold that he is, complete with requisite facial hair that is practically a permanent feature of our faces. I'm extremely obnoxious at times, a bit of a know it all when it comes to pop culture and possess a ferocious desire to win at anything competitive. Just like dear old Dad. We have the same sense of humor and bad luck with women. At this stage of Joe's life, he cares about retiring soon, golfing and seeing his kids and grandkids as much as possible. What's cool about Joe is that he is 57, but acts like he's 20.

Let me explain. Joe's major form of entertainment, outside of golfing, is music. The man lives on Kazaa illegally downloading thousands of songs. It's kind of humorous considering his attitude toward technology in his 40's was that of "I don't want to know how it works or what is does!" When the weekend comes, his goal is to make it out to a bar to see a cover band play all the latest and greatest pop faves on the radio. Now being a self professed music snob, I loathe the fact that his palette is so limiting. But the man is driving around in his car singing along to Green Day and the Cult and he knows who they are, so I can't be all that ashamed. Does your Dad download The Strokes in his spare time? I didn't think so.

Anyway, getting back to last night. As I get in the car I am given 3 choices for the event of the evening. Cover band here, cover band here or cover band here. It's always the same choice, and I always just go along with the plan whatever it is. As much as I hate watching a cover band in a bar, I like hanging with my Dad the exact same much. You dig? I could do without his excitement at how good he thinks the band we are watching is, but he's into music and so am I and that makes me happy. I listen to Avril and he listens to Hillary Duff...who's worse?

We hung out at a dive in Jersey listening to this chick go through her set of Sheryl Crow and Jewel covers as I pounded Jack and Ginger doubles (Dad's treat and drink of choice by way...we even have the same taste in drinks). We argued about politics and television shows. We don't agree with everything, I'm indie and he's Joe Republican, I like reality TV and he hates it. But the point is we drank and talked and hung the fuck out. I like the fact that my Dad makes time to come visit me. I know a lot of people get all cringy when they have to spend time with their family, I know I do most of the time, but my visits with Dad are different. We're like friends instead of father and son. Maybe being a weekend Dad created that dichotomy, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

News Flash

This just in.

Frats are fucking evil.

Rain Of Terror Continues

So on the heels of crappy day/night yesterday, I get up this morning and wait in the rain for 45 minutes for my bus to NEVER come. At 10:45 I decide to drive to work since I have to be there at 11 AM. Like the nice guy I am, I offer a lift to the two other dudes waiting for the bus with me and they accept. It's all about Karma. Anyway, I get down to work and I can't find a lot that isn't full in the entire city. Rain makes everyone a pussy and on top of that everyone gets to work at 9 AM, not fucking 11 AM.

So I wind up parking 10 city blocks from work at a 2 hour meter spot. I think you can guess where this is going. Of course I get a $20 ticket for not feeding the meter which is pretty much what I would have wound up paying in a lot anyway. But the long ass walk and search for the spot made me 40 minutes late to work. Ugh.

It's not all bad. This chick Terry who works for me loaned me this "never released" documentary about fraternities called "Frathouse" that I am dying to see. Rock on Terry!

Entre las Piernas

My jigga JV finally came through with a respectable movie recommendation in the Spanish flick Between Your Legs. It's got Victoria Abril (from Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down....the only good Antonio Banderas movie.) and Javier Bardem (Before Night Falls), some sex, some mystery, some twists and turns. It hit the spot. De Palma meets Cronenberg but with a spanish flavor and not Almodovar flavor cause that bitch is nutty. Two decent Spanish movies in a row. Go Spain!

Madman
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Nonsense

Check it.

My day was kind of crappy. Not because of my mood, just because things were happening to me that were unfortunate and unsavory. I was super erratic at work today, couldn't focus on anything for much. Got a voicemail from my brother telling me that my phone was turned off. I flaked on the bill apparently. Then I tried to call and make things right and got sick of waiting on hold for an hour! Fucking AT&T.

And oh. Before I left work I filled up a Gatorade Propel bottle with water for the journey home on the bus. While listening to the Garden State soundtrack (again) on my IPOD and reading this Kevin Smith book that is dope, I didn't notice that the bottle was leaking all over my bag and through to my pants. So now it looks like I wet myself. Super.

I'm in the midst of working 7 days straight, and on top of my Grandfather's birthday that I am missing on Sunday, now my Dad is coming up from VA to visit this weekend. I'm trying to squeeze him in on Friday night just cause I never see him.

Things may turn around, I taped Lost. And I bought some M&M's at Rite Aid today. Yum.

A Sight To Behold

This link conjures up memories of Star Search and KIDS Incorporated. This kid Zach is at that tender age where enthusiasm comes across as just downright NOT RIGHT. You know there is a stage mom behind this whole thing and that's the scariest part.

Click the title of this post and ROCK OUT to Katrina and the Waves reinterpreted by the ZACH ATTACK!

Rockin' The Sure Shot

Beasties concert was off the hook, fo shizzle. I was concerned that they were gonna go heavy with the new shit, but they didn't. Played something from every era and had a dope ass encore. You got 45 minutes of rapping then the stage revolved and out come the instruments. Good to hear those instrumentals from back in the day. Then back to rap, encore in the fucking crowd and then super secret 2nd encore after a ton of people roll out...Gratitude and the show stopper Sabotage dedicated to Bush to close things. The Beasties doing right. Hell yeah.

I Can't Stand It I Know You Planned It
But I'm Gonna Set It Straight, This Watergate
I Can't Stand Rocking When I'm In Here
Because Your Crystal Bal Ain't So Crystal Clear
So While You Sit Backand Wonder Why
I Got This Fucking Thorn In My Side
Oh My, It's A Mirage
I'm Tellin' Y'all It's a Sabotage

Monday Day Darkness

Having seen Friday Night Lights today, it's funny that I mentioned in an earlier post that a coin flip would determine my movie selection on this Columbus Day 2004. A pivotal point of the high school football movie involves a coin flip, one that has great meaning for the focus of this feature, the Odessa Permian Panthers of Texas. Now let's set the record straight, men like sports. Not all men might like movies as much as I do, but I garuantee that if a man HAS to watch a movie, he'd prefer it to be about sports. Sports movies are great, whether they are dramatic like the Natural or Any Given Sunday or comical like Tin Cup or Major League. They always deliver on the rudimentary level of sports action and the plot is usually along the same lines which breeds familiarity, and that makes them pretty safe bets. If you like one football movie, chances are you will like them all. It's hard to fuck it up, Necessary Roughness (Kathy Ireland saved that one) and Radio (nothing could help this one) aside.

What usually separates an okay football movie from a superb football movie are the performances. The story goes either one of two routes.

A) meet the team, watch the overcome adversity and win the big game in the 4th quarter
or
B) meet the team, watch them overcome adversity and lose the big game in the fourth quarter.

And both work just as well from a viewing perspective because throughout either scenario we meet interesting characters, maybe see some boobies and always get caught up in the "big game" action. It's a guy thing. We are essentially easy to please and most of the makers of sports films get it.

Now what makes Friday Night Lights special are 3 things.

1) Billy Bob Thorton is legit as an actor. The role of coach in this particular movie is very subtle, it's not your typical loud over the top (Al Pacino in Any Given Sunday anyone) cliched performance of the small town coach. And the strength of the film is his ability to evoke emotion visually instead of saying every hackneyed one liner you have come to expect in movies.

2) Peter Berg provided a strong script devoid of the expected and fairy tale endings that Hollywood loves. I don't want to spoil the film, but things don't get resolved easily and not everyone is going to be alright....and I like that.

3) The style in which Berg chose to direct this comes across as very fly on the wall, much like a documentary. Considering it is based on a true story, it makes absolute sense, but it would be so easy for another director, one without a connection to the story (Berg's cousin is the award winning journalist whose work the movie is based on) or with indie credibility, to fuck it up.

Getting back to Billy Bob for a moment, let me say upfront that his personal life is none of my business and that I pretty much consider him to be a scum bag when I comes to women. (Kids everywhere, 20 ex-wives, etc.) And he tries to hard to be eccentric (see Jolie's blood, tattooes, horrible singing) and that detracts somewhat from him getting the respect he deserves. But I'll be damned if he isn't a phenominal actor.

Sling Blade, Bad Santa, A Simple Plan, Monster's Ball, The Man Who Wasn't There, U-Turn and I'll even give him Armegeddon. Even in the shit he was in, Intolerable Cruelty, Pusing Tin, Bandits, he makes an effort to be above the others around him and it shows.

Don't get me wrong, there are flaws in Friday Night Lights. The "coach's wife" character is the most pathetic in all of cinema. I counted two lines for that hot, tall red head from Spin City who plays Billy Bob's hapless wife and mother to his invisible daughter. And based on the epilogue, you get the feeling there must have been a lot of scenes that got cut out. Why don't we learn what happens to Colmer the 3rd string Running Back? But overall, I would rank this football movie a sure thing.

Now ladies, I'm not sure how you are going to react to this one, but considering that I know no less than 10 guys who have been dragged to a Kate Hudson movie....it's time you returned the favor. You dig?

Busey Bush Cartoon

Is This The One?

So I saw a house today about 5 blocks from where I currently reside, 5 bedrooms, yard, 1 full bath, big living room and dining room that has decent potential for living and perhaps an investment. It's like 2 blocks from Main Street in Manayunk and that means it's rentable in any condition. It needs some work, but the process of finding the perfect place is ridiculous. We need to have a person who knows what shit costs to walk through and tell us how much it will take to fix it up and make it really special. The bathroom sucks as does the kitchen and the basement is nasty. The rugs gotta go as well. In short, it's the closest we've come to actually taking the next step in this process of buying a house. We'll see...

Other than seeing the house, my poor ass didn't do shit. I sort of watched some football games without being very interested...and read a little. I'm getting a bit stir crazy staying in all day when I'm off from work. Tomorrow night is the Beasties concert, but I think I'm gonna take what little money I have in the bank and going to a movie tomorrow in the day time. I gotta do something or I'm gonna go nuts. I am fucking watching the finals of In Search of the Partridge Family as I write this. Yuck.

Friday Night Lights or Ladder 49? I thought both looked marginal at best, but the reviews I see on them are pretty decent. I'll flip a coin and be sure to let you know how it turns out.

Llama Song

Alright kids. Laugh of the day.

Click the title of this post, volume up and click on the WATCH THIS MOVIE button.

Proceed with chuckling.

Friday Night Flick

Devil's Backbone
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

I took a chance on a Spanish film by the director who did Hellboy and Blade 2 called the Devil's Backbone.

I would have to say that I highly recommend it if you are into genre bending films. It's a period piece but also kind of a horror movie with a revenge element to it. Sounds interesting doesn't it?

My faith has been partially restored in the cinema of Europe. Finally.

David Sedaris Is Coming!

My brother Dan has stepped it up a notch and surprised me with tickets to see Sedaris on 10.26.04 at the Kimmell Center in Philadelphia for my birthday. Nice.

If you don't know who David Sedaris is, then hit your local bookstore and pick up a copy of Me Talk Pretty One Day or Barrel Fever.

Stewing, Viewing and Spewing

Food shopping was done for the first time in my house since perhaps July? I can't recall. I just know it's been a long time. It was nice to cook a meal last night instead of patiently waiting for it to be delivered. I even shared it with people! You throw one hissy fit about someone eating your leftovers and now everyone feels as though they have to ask me to eat some food that I made for everyone. Go figure.

Apparently on the heels of the food incident of last week, our cable bill has a porno rental on it that no one is claiming. The roommate hijinx continues. Everyone is looking at everyone else as a culprit and someone is hiding behind it all like a pussy. Oh well. Before long, this little community will come to an end and all the shit talking and distrust will end. And then maybe these guys will be friends again. I can honestly say that ordering a porno and eating someone's stromboli are not imprisionable offenses, so I fail to see why anyone would deny doing them.

Moving on, last night I watched Bill Maher's show (good), Lost (continues to work for me) and Wife Swap (like a car accident, can't look away) on television and about an hour of Iron Monkey on DVD. Remember what I was saying about Asian cinema and how it is like the best of the foriegn genre these days? Scratch that. Iron Monkey sucked a monkey's dong. The action was neat but not interesting neat, just plain old neat. Story line was corny. Oh well....I have a couple more foriegn titles coming this week to cleanse the palatte.

This coming Sunday and Monday I am off and the Eagles are on their BYE, so that means I can actually do something with my life. Oh yeah, I have no money...FUCK. That's the beauty of my job. They pay you so little that it keeps you right where they want you. You work only to survive, not to enjoy life. Fuckers.

However, Beaties Boys concert on Monday night. That's right, I'm going to see the Beasties. I haven't seen them since Lollapalooza had them on the bill about 10 years ago. I'm not the biggest fan of their work post Ill Communication, but I'm looking forward to it all the same. It's a bonding experience with my cousins Todd and Sam and my baby bro Dan. Maybe we will make it through the night without breaking each other's balls.

My Hate List Today

Things that are wrong with the world.

1) You feel something come out of its place in your mouth, possibly a cap or a filling, and you call the dentist for an appointment and the soonest you can get in there is 10/20. Huh?

2) Not having Tivo. I can only tape one channel at a time on my 1992 VCR that I am still rocking and on nights when I work until 10 PM or Midnight, I miss out taping multiple shows that I desire viewing. Ugh.

3) Spending a considerable amount of time on your off day doing a schedule for work.

4) Having only $40 until pay day which is 1 week away.

Freaking Hot

Scarlett Pussy Cat
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

If I had any talent concerning computers, I no doubt would have taken a digital shot of my self posed in a position on my bed to match the likely position a man would be in to be sitting on that red couch behind Scarlett's bum. Then I would have taken said photo of myself and added my likeness to this photo using photoshop.

And this post would be funny had I done that.

Instead, it's just dead sexy.

Steven Starr Must Be Stopped!

Johnny Walker Sucks

I'm pissed. The invite to the drinking event says clearly that the complimentary open bar begins promptly at 8:30 PM. Why then did it fucking close at 8:40 PM? Because apparently they started at 8:00 instead of 8:30 and fucked us. I got one drink in and that was it. What a bummer. And many of the boys actually dressed up fancy for this one...

So another night of drinking games and pounding Mickey Light. I feel like shit today regardless, so I guess it's all good.

Forces Of Good

So that website I write a column for is up and running as of today...

Click the title to see what I contributed and do me a favor and take a look around.

Ham With A Side of Ham

Much like all of David E. Kelley's shows, Boston Legal had a strong debut but will most likely be entertaining for 2 years maximum and then move into the sublime, see The Practice or Boston Public for examples. However, getting back to the strong debut, James Spader and Will Shatner together is fucking genius. Spader is essentially playing a variation of his Secretary character, which I hear is what he was playing on the last year of The Practice. Having given up on the Practice years ago, I'm sorry to say I hadn't seen this fine performance until tonight. Apparently Spader was so good, he got an Emmy as did Shatner I think for playing the same lawyer on a couple episodes of the Practice or some shit like that. Kudos to you both.

Anyway, there are 3 rather attractive women on the show if the hammy-ness of Shatner and Spader don't do it for you. I guess that makes my non-reality show count up to 2 for this season. Lost and Boston Legal. Oddly enough both on ABC which is currently the most horrid of all networks. Is this a resurgance?

Witty Title Taking To Much Effort

I always wondered what was in Michelob Light that made it impossible for me to get drunk off of it no matter how many I put down and I think I figured out today what it is. Water.

Anyway, my football/poker party didn't quite come off as planned, but the day wasn't a complete wash. I managed to get a couple friends to come over and half watch the Eagles boringly beat the Bears. The Poker aspect of the day was undermined by a conflicting poker event last night. (Not really in the mood to describe that debacle...)

My brother Mike made chili that didn't make me crap myself, so I'm chalking this day up as a victory.

Sorry about the tone of the posts lately, I'm working on being more upbeat. I promise.

Pump It Up

Premature

As irony would have it, I'm at work today and I get a call from my buddy Jared who says to me, "I'm in for tomorrow and so is Gabe." So I have friends who are coming through in the clutch after all. I'm looking forward to sitting around and watching the game and maybe even playing some Sunday afternoon poker.

Here We Go Again.

And so it is, another weekend where I am working on a Saturday and not doing much of anything else. I am trying in vain to get my buddies together to watch the Eagles game at my house tomorrow, but the response to my invite has been tepid at best. I guess since my lifestyle has changed due to the crazy work schedule and in some of these cat's eyes I don't keep in touch as much, I'm not high on the priority list. C'est La Vie. That's french for "I don't really care." I used to be a guy that worried about hanging out and keeping the bonds people had with each other together for as long as possible. After a while you realize you are one guy paddling a boat full of people upstream. I don't like talking to people on the phone, I have social anxiety and I'm fucking poor. These factors lead to a less than exciting social life.

My point is that despite all these things, I do make an effort to involve my friends in my life. If I am having a BBQ the ones who may come get an invite, those who would never come don't. Saves me some time and trouble. I run a fantasy football league and most of my friends opted out due to other factors (wives, money, etc.) I make appearances at baby's birthday parties (with the coolest fucking gift I might add), stupid German fests that don't intertest me in the least, just to keep the relationship going...because if I didn't I'm sure I would just be cut loose. I'm expendable and that's the sad reality. Because I chose to work a job that pays very little, live my life on the cheap and not pursue the marriage and kids thing, I'm finding it harder and harder to relate to my friends. I fight the good fight, but sometimes I don't feel like it.

I'm almost 33, and I'm starting to see why Jesus was like, "alright...I'll die for everyone's sins." He was 33 too. Life just gets fucking old at 33. I'm still lusting unsucessfully after 20 year olds, sitting in my room, playing music or watching television....all the same shit I did in high school.

What is the moral of this story? Well, I hope to fuck I win Powerball tonight.

Not Good

Either a cap or a filling is coming loose in my mouth. Time to call the dentist and make an appointment ASAP. I was at work minding my business chewing on some Trident and all of a sudden something is preventing my teeth from coming together to form a bite. That kind of shit always freaks me out.

Kerry Rocks Out With His Cock Out!

Mr. Spears Stole My Phrase!
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

For all the doubters out there, I hope you watched the debate tonight. George W. Bush is a dunce who was given very little to work with from his advisors and Kerry destroyed him. Dubya just kept repeating himself when he wasn't saying um and uh. I hope this gives momentum to Kerry to pull off a victory in November.

one term
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Mmmm This Food Is Delicious.

My life as I know it is an absolute nightmare. I'm thinking about getting a tattoo that says DOORMAT across my forehead to save people the trouble of wondering whether or not they can walk all over me. Just jump right in baby and fuck me over.

I don't ask for much in life. I give out way more than I have ever taken. But somehow I am always the fucking doormat.

Why am I steamed? Well, it's gonna sound silly, but right now it's about food. Yeah, I know...the fat guy and his food issues. Hilarious. But it's not just about food, it's really about respect or the lack thereof in my household, family and life in general. Did you ever get some take out and not be able to finish it all in one sitting? Did you ever put in the fridge so it doesn't spoil? Did you ever get up and go to work the next day and think about half through the day, man I can't wait to get home tonight and finish off my left overs? Did you ever have only $4 in pocket and $0 in the bank and nothing in life but an empty stomach and half a stomboli in the fridge? Did you ever come home and find out someone decided that they were going to help themselves to the food you half ate and put aside for a fucking reason? Yeah. Now you see where I'm coming from.

If you are wondering why this situation with food sets me off so much, then let me explain in greater detail how I am not respected elsewhere in my life. I've got an aunt who borrowed 5 grand off me a couple years ago to open up a hair salon. She was in need and I had the money saved, so I did the family thing and made a loan. Mistake. Now this same so called family member not only refuses to pay me back, but never made one payment on time according to our loan agreement. Furthermore, she ignore's me at all costs because she knows she is a low life. When I lost my job and lived hand to mouth for 9 months and had to move into my brother's college house did she offer to help me out with a payment or two? Nope. In fact she judged me for moving into the only place I could actually afford to live. Fucking unreal.

Maybe it's me. Maybe there is something about my personality that says that I like to be taken advantage of. Maybe I'm a pussy like my brother says and that I bring this on myself?

I wish I had the answers. I wish I knew why shit like this happens to me. I guess I never will...

Mildly Amusing Link

Role Model

Last time I put up a celebrity quote about politics, I got a response from my favorite terrorism fighting conservative Saybolt.
I dare you to support this one.

As seen on Stereogum.com:

Nelly tells Vibe magazine he has no interest in the upcoming presidential election because the candidates are a little too whitebread: "You don't like nobody that ain't got a little dirt on 'em. How can you trust someone who ain't got a little bit? You ain't never jaywalked? You can't relate to somebody that ain't been in a little trouble. That's why people loved Clinton. You knew he had some dirt."

Besides not being in English, which is the first language of the USA (or at the very least a close 2nd language), it's just plain fucking stupid. Take that stupid band aid off your face and read a newspaper you imp.

German Cinema Is Zeee Pits!

Why do movie critics revere foreign films so much? Recently I have rented a number of foreign films that were lauded by critics and I didn’t get it. I feel as though you can get away with murder as a filmmaker if you make the characters speak another language. For instance Talk to Her by Pedro Almodovar is basically a melodramatic mess with hokey dialogue and unrealistic situations. It’s like Melrose Place, but in Spanish. Somehow this equates to a good movie? If it were in English, the critics would tear it apart for being overly dramatic and completely void of a reality based story line.

In the past month I watched the Oscar winner Barbarian Invasions (see old post), Goodbye Lenin!, The Dreamers and Sex and Lucia and all of them were certifiable garbage. And all of them were highly recommended by many American critics. Now don’t get me wrong, I love some foreign films. Delicatessen, City of Lost Children, Leolo, Europa Europa, Amelie, Run Lola Run and The Princess and the Warrior are some of my favorites of all time. But I honestly think that most of the crap that comes out of Europe is too easily lauded as being good here in the States.

The Japanese and Chinese are more consistent with continually releasing quality films in the US on DVD or in your local art house. I rarely get burned when I go with an Asian film, wacky pissing/lactating nipples/necrophilia movies aside.

What is the point of all this? I don’t know.

Soaked

So it rained like a bitch today in Philly. I mean, a lot of rain. Streets were closed, highways were flooded, it was silly. I'm drying off as I write this awaiting my strombolie to show up from the pizza joint down the street. I had my windows near my bed open and a fan on high in the one window on all day and my bed is dry as can be. Odd.

Shaun of the Dead

Shaun and his crew
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Monday's off are dope. Everyone else is dealing with the whole back to work or school nonsense, and I'm out watching a movie at the multiplex with 3 other people who I assume also work retail. Considering my weekend was lame and filled with work, I thought I would grab a laugh and go see Shaun of the Dead.

Good choice on my part. It's funny as hell in a british humor sort of way and features my all time favorite horror movie icon, the ZOMBIE! Couple people from the Office have small roles and the lead guy playing Shaun is really good. This movie is everything Club Dread wasn't. Taking the piss on the horror genre can go either way. Exhibit A: Scary Movie vs. Scary Movie 3. Can I get an AMEN?

Anyway, spend the 8 bucks and check it out. Or wait for DVD and put this shit on your Netflix list. What? You don't use Netflix? Fucking Blockbuster using loser. Wake up!

LL in GQ?

lindsay
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Wait a minute, why is Lindsay Lohan on the cover of the new GQ magazine? Is she trying to branch out into new markets? Only homosexuals and men over 55 read that shit magazine. And I'm not sure either population give a crap about some big boobed, freckled floozie who makes Disney movies and sings pop songs for 12 year old girls to covet. (Well, maybe the men of 55 do...but I doubt the gay community wants to see LL bounce Antonio Sabato, Jr. from their precious "men's" magazine cover page!)

Another Weekend

It's time to play the music
It's time to light the lights
It's time to meet the Muppets on the Muppet Show tonight.


Got a new ring tone tonight. Been rocking the theme to The Office for about 6 months and frankly it's played out. Moving on to the Muppet Show theme song for now. It matches my mousepad which currently is a picture of Kermit, Fozy, Animal and Gonzo. Seriously. I bet this makes me sound like I have a hard on for the Muppets, but I don't. Well, maybe I have a small soft spot for them. I'm sure there is a meaning behind my feelings for the Muppets, but that's for another day.

This weekend was kind of shitty. Once a month I have to open both Saturday and Sunday morning at work. This means I have to get up at 7 AM and get my ass to work. Hence, my Friday and Saturday nights were spent sleeping. I managed to squeeze in a little television watching, but otherwise I didn't do shit.

However, I should mention that the new fall TV season is in full swing and if you haven't yet, check out Lost on ABC this week. It's kind of cool. Most of the time I'm committed to reality shows, so the fact that this 1 hour drama has peaked my interest is huge.

Speaking of reality TV, fucking Extreme Makeover Home Edition is the biggest fucking tear jerking show of all time. I cry almost every episode. It's ridiculous.

Oh, Wife Swap blows. Same with The Benefactor. But I thought that show with Dr. Phil's kid was kind of interesting.

And on the documentary front, avoid Sex with Strangers an exploration of swingers. It was so pathetic.

Eagles are going all the way...and so is my fantasy squad!

Jim Jarmush Blows

Coffee and Cigarettes is the worst movie ever.

Here's Johnny...

It's that time of year again. The Johnny Walker drinking event is coming back round to Philly and I know I'll be there with fucking bells on. Essentially all you do is sign up to go, show up, present ID and get plastered for free.

I went last year and it was the tits. Pounded down 8 drinks in under 45 minutes and listened to some guy in a kilt explain how the JW is made. The slide show gets boring, but the free booze makes up for it. 90 minutes of heaven.

If you are interested, here's a novel idea...click the title of this post and register.

I'm hitting the October 5 @ 8:30 PM event with a posse. join in the fun if you dare...

My plus one is available ladies.

Finally.

Hit up Target today for all the bathroom essentials. My loofah fell to pieces in my hand in the shower this morning, so a new one was tops on the list. I also needed razors, gel, fibercon, all the shit that makes me clean and pretty. Needless to say it was one of those $50 trips where you walk out with one bag and wonder how the fuck you just dropped that much coin. So as a treat to myself, I grabbed multiple bags of Peanut M & M's (the family size were 4 for $7) and wandered into the music section. Much to my surprise not only did the music department carry the Garden State soundtrack, but it was only $9.99. I snatched the last copy like my lfe was on the line and hurried home to break it open and listen. Whoa. Soundtrack of the ages. Love every song from start to finish. Great choices. Great film. Horrible title. Keystone State would have been a better title, but I'll get over it.

Colin Hay (lead singer of Men At Work) contributes a very Nick Drake sounding ballad that is superb. Frou Frou, Iron and Wine, The Shins...all got crazy good tracks. I'm in heaven. Buy it, burn it, whatever. You won't regret it.

Kryptonite Lock Debacle

By now, I'm sure you've heard the you can open a kyrptonite lock for your bike with a BIC pen. Videos are all over the net and I came across this funny item on Ebay. Click away my pets.

Chernobyl Heart

Chernobyl Heart can now be seen on HBO. The Academy Award winning film movingly and shockingly depicts the continuing effects of radiation on the children of Belarus, the country most effected by the Chernobyl nuclear disaster of 1986. The film was inspired by and shows the work of Chernobyl Children's Project International, and the work of the pediatric heart surgeon William Novick, M.D., whose work in Belarus is funded and logistically supported by CCPI.

This documentary will rip your heart out. Double feature with Children Underground and you might even kill yourself. Seriously, it's so fucked up what goes on in the world.

Elephants have what kind of cocks?

You knew this post was coming...

Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray is hosting Extra (and he's creepy bad at it) and I'm working in retail. See what happens when you are pretty? You get all the breaks.

Liberal Goddess, Wicked Comedienne and POA!

garofalo
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

My crush for the past 10 years steady has been JANEANE GAROFALO. She is the funniest stand up comic (female) that has ever graced the stage. We are about the same age, so we share the same angst and taste in all things entertainment. She used to sport flannel shirts, so did I. And politically, we are pretty much in line with each other.

This bitch needs to call me. I'm here for you Janeane...make it happen.

Random Cultural Reference

monchichi
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Mon chi chi, Mon chichi
O so soft and cuddily

Member these bitches? My brothers look like them.

Sick Day Part Deux

I had every intention of going to work today. Last night we had an Eagles celebration complete with full dinner, some alkie hall and hor's de vours. My nasty stomach managed to quiet down for a few hours to allow me to partake in both the spinach dip and the entire game. (Thanks Bowels!)

However, fast forward to 5:30 AM at which point I am still up having conversations with the roommates about the transition from college life into real life. I still had the hope that I would somehow wake up at 9 AM, hop in the shower and be alright to catch the bus to work. And I did get up, albiet at 10 AM as opposed to 9 AM, but as soon as I got out of bed....gurgle, gurgle....hello Mr. Spinach Dip and Mrs. Mickey Light....nice to see you again so soon.

So here I am spending another day recovering from destroyed stomach illness and missing out on getting bitched out by rich women who just absolutely NEED their jacket which matches an ensemble that is being worn to an event this coming weekend. How will I survive?

By basking the Eagles victory, that's how. What an great game...I am very impressed with how much better this team seems to be over the last couple of years. TO was uninvolved almost the entire game, except for the cheap TD, and we still man handled those Vikes! I wish I could say the same for my fantasy team. I lost in horrible fashion on that late Randy Moss touchdown catch. Garbage.

I swear I am going back to work tomorrow. I swear I am.

Sick Day

Waking up this morning chilled to the bone with a raging piss hard on, I came to the quick conclusion that going to work today was not in the cards for me. I have been a good boy during my initial 4 months at the old UO, so I decided I was able to knock off this once without any forseeable problems. I'm working a middle shift, so I don't have to open or close and I do feel a tad under the weather. Most likely I have a combination of a slight cold from the drastic change in weather that has eveloped our region the past couple of days and the after effects of Italian Sausage cooked in left over Heineken that I scarfed down yesterday. Usually I would time my sick days with some sort of event that would involve cinema, but since there is absolutely nothing playing that I can find even remotely watchable, I'm destined to sit around all day and be bored.

This weekend was plain sad. I opted out of an AC trip on Friday night and instead got pounded in my living room and things just went sideways from there. The high point of Friday was involving into a card game, that I can't recall the name of, a sadistic rule that forces you to call someone randomly in your cell phone and tell them in all seriousness that you love them. I chose to call the juggiest gal in real estate (my realtor) at 1 AM. I told her I was lying in bed thinking about how I love her. (It was embarassing, but she's very forgiving and probably instantly knew it was a joke.) The joy of this game was watching everyone else have to do it, sometimes multiple times. I think I may have gotten off easy considering that 2 guys called other dudes and said I love you. Drunk guys always steer shit towards being gay....it's kind of funny.

The rest of the weekend I didn't do much of anything except shiver and lounge around. Both days my brother lined up houses that I opted not to see...I guess maybe this whole house hunting shit is starting to drag on past the point of my attention span. As it turns out, it was a wise move on my part since they were all shit. And naturally seeing my realtor first thing Saturday morning wasn't on my top ten list of things to do based on the events of the prior evening. Luckily I got 3 magazines in the mail that I could tear through in between naps and it was a brand new Cops. I avoided calling anyone due to my constant dizziness and stomach achiness from those aforementioned Heinie's. Capped the night off watching United States of Leland with Ryan Gosling. Either the kid can act or he does a mean impression of Jake Gyllenhal in this flick. The plot meandered a bit, but a strong cast made up for it. Overall, I'd say C+.

Sunday brought another episode of hunt for a home with Mikey that was ill fated. Thankfully Mike brought with him a shit load of food and not just his devil child who wrestles our dog for hours on end. The rest of the day pretty much unfolded like this, watch football, drift off to sleep, eat sausage. Again I didn't make any calls or get any calls, I'm basically becoming a certifiable hermit. I had such high hopes for a weekend off from work, but I'm beginning to wonder why I have these hopes. I don't do anything, so I probably should just friggin work them to give me something to do. Maybe things will get better, maybe I'll make enough money to actually support a social life. Right now, I am treading water. I make, everyone takes. It's a viscious cycle that seems to never end. I hate to end this post all down in the dumps, but oh well. What can you do? I'm sick! Remember?

Lindsey Lohan...Shut You Mouth!

LL,

You are so hot and freckled. I love your milky white jugs and devilish smile. I don't like seeing Fez rubbing up on you in those pictures from a nightclub that were plastered all over the internet, but I forgive you. But honey, please don't open your mouth. Unless it's to sing a nice little ditty, recite a fucking line in a movie or suck a cock. (Mine please!)

The following quote was attributed to Lindsey: "I don't like to talk about politics. If you say you're a Democrat, that'll turn off Republicans, and that's half of your fan base."

Wow LL! Thank's for doing your part to get out the young voter this election season. Fucking idiot. Someone muzzle her...

Let's Do The Time Warp Again!

What year is it? I thought it was 2004, but in reading the pages of the Philly Weakly and Shitty Paper this week I have to wonder if I didn't somehow wake up back in 1994. Every periodical in the city is running their fall preview edition this week and I came across a section in the latest Weakly or Shitty Paper devoted to the music tours that wil be touching down in my fair city over the next couple months. As I started glancing the listings I began to get scared that I was somehow in a dream...

The Ocean Blue and Riverside @ North Star Bar on 9.17.04
Trashcan Sinatras @ The Troc on 9.19.04
Helmet @ Noth Star Bar on 9.29.04
Morrisey @ the Tower Theatre
They Might Be Giants @ the TLA
Yo La Tengo @ First Unitarian Church
Beasties Boys @ FU Center

Ministry, De La Soul, Camper Van Beethoven, Social Distortion, PJ Harvey, Slayer, Bad Religion, Guided By Voices, Cake, The Tragically Hip, My Life With Thrill Kill Kult, Dio, Anthrax, Clutch, the Cramps, Parliment Funkadelic, Gwar

Holy Shit! It's out of control. Is there anything contemporary to go to in the coming weeks? Oh, thank God. Yellowcard is coming soon...

First Real Test

Having been a call center manager for many years, I have had my fair share of irate customers to deal with on the phone. Usually I can finesse the situation so that no one gets hurt and we all move on with our lives in about 5 minutes. Usually, you give the customer what they want and be done with it. It's not my money, so what do I care?

Well, today I had 3 consecutive calls from lying, cheating, fucking asshole bitches who want something for nothing and it made me question if I thought this whole move into retail thing out. I'm not used to being talked down to by some rich bitch who is angling for a free jacket or some cunt that clearly broke her curtain rods by putting heavy as fuck curtains on them and wants me to send her new ones without letting us get the damaged ones back!!!! It is so easy to see through people when they are lying. I have a very in tune bullshit detector. What's frustrating is knowing that someone is lying and being upset about it, but having no control over the resolution. The bitch will get what she wants. She knows this. I know this. The people who flaunt this knowledge, that they are eventually going to win, are the ones I want to stab in the eye.

And so I am resigned to finally leave work, after missing my bus for the third consecutive day, and get off one stop early to grab a cold case of Heineken and drink these slimeballs out my life.

Rockaway Beach

Are the fucking Ramones cursed or what? Johnny died of cancer yesterday. That's 3 down in a couple years and they all are dying at a young age. It's not fair.

Discovered Covered

daniel johnston
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Coming soon to a record store near you is this 2 disc collection of Daniel Johnston songs. Disc 1 is covers of his masterful works by bands like Flaming Lips, Gordon from Violent Femmes and tons more. Disc 2 are the same songs done by Danny himself. If you've never heard of Daniel Johnston, do yourself a favor and check him out. He's amazing.

American Candidate

Am I the only person watching this show on Showtime? I remember hearing about it a few months ago and thought, this is stupid. American Idol with politics. My desire to watch reality television progamming drew me to give this show a shot and I'm so glad I did. I don't harbor any pretense that any of these people will ever make it in politics, but it's refreshing to see people that are active and involved and have a vision for America. I'm really impressed by a gal named Malia Lazu from Boston who is a youth activist. She's from Hawaii and half black/half latino. And she has my sister's name! This chick is firey and very smart. But more than Malia, I'm fascinated by Lisa Witter, a thirtysomething progressive democrat from the left coast. Lisa is intelligent, knows her shit about the issues and speaks to my political views. But most of all, I really can't help thinking about how much I want to fuck her.

Carol Seaver is a Crazy Bitch

Tracey Gold, the thespian best known for playing brainy Carol Seaver on the hit ABC sitcom Growing Pains, was arrested Sept. 3 and booked for investigation of felony drunk driving, after flipping her sport utility vehicle on a California freeway, according to the California Highway Patrol.

Gold, 35, was driving with her 39-year-old husband, Roby Marshall and their three children shortly before midnight, when she lost control of her GMC Yukon, swerved off the road and rolled over, tumbling down an embankment.

Invesitgators found vomit at the site, but aren't sure if that was due to excessive drinking or the dinner Ms. Gold, a known anorexia sufferer, had comsumed earlier that evening. (Clearly I'm embellishing here...)

Poop in Pants

This link works most effectively if you have your volume jacked up and a roll of toilet paper on hand. Click the title of this post to enjoy.

Tom Sizemore as Pete Rose

Funniest shit I have ever seen. Tom the Toot (even though he went to Temple, the guy is a coke snorting, wife beater) in a Dutch Boy wig. Priceless.

We have a winner!

So I managed to pull off a win in both my fantasy football leagues. That's right, I'm in more than one league. It's a sickness really. But only one league is for cold hard cash. And I won big time in that league. In fact, of 8 players in the $ league, 4 of them are my immediate family. (Dear Old Dad, Sis, her hubby Jimbo and naturally Me.) It appears to be a family sweep this week since none of us were playing each other and we all won our games. Now that's family pride.

Super Size Happy Meal

Super Size Happy Meal
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

Fucking unreal. Some people shouldn't be allowed to be parents. They need to be taken out back and shot in the head. Let's start with the Mom of these two. I guarantee she is a fucking 800 pound trailer trash welfare recipent.

But I'll tell you what, I hate McDonalds for serving their crack to us and capturing us as slaves to it from infancy more than the pathetic mother of these chubsters.

Read Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser and see what I mean.

Conspiracy Theory

Top 20 Countdown

Had to get up early today to go view yet another house that isn't the ONE. While waiting for my brother to show up I peeped some of that VH1 Top 20 show and have a few observations I would like to pass along.

1) Ashlee Simpson is weird cute. I don't know why I find her attractive, I just do. I'd give her a piece of me.

2) I love the fact that Avril Lavinge in her new video is like totally banging some guy who's mid-30's and it's portrayed so seriously. It's laughable. And kind of hot.

3) Fergie in Black Eyed Peas has the most intense abdomin area I have ever seen on a woman. She's like Catwoman hot or some shit. Let's Get Retarded!

4) Keane sounds like a Travis rip off. But I think I might like it.

5) Who the hell are Alter Bridge? Thank God I don't listen to commercial radio.

6) Bowling for Soup won a Grammy. Ridiculous.

I've Got The Blues

Oh yeah. Rejoice. I am once again a functioning member of society. I have medical coverage. Blue Cross and Blue Sheild are on my side, so look out world! I may actually get my sixty or seventy ailments looked at by a professional. First up, shit problems. And then the rash on my foot that hasn't gone away in 2 years. And then I might have a referral for a dermatologist to get shit removed from my face and neck. Extreme Makeover can't be far behind.

And this means I can have my teeth cleaned again. That's right ladies...I'll be kissable. If you close your eyes that is.

Let The Fantasy Begin

Today marks the beginning of the 2004-2005 NFL season. More importantly though, it is the first day of play in Any Given Sunday, my fantasy football league. This week my squad, Imodium Men, is taking on My Pet Goat and folks, this looks like a great match up.

Matt Hasselbeck vs. Trent Green
Priest Holmes vs. Shaun Alexander
Santana Moss vs. Hines Ward

I could go up and down the lineup, but that would just be pathetic. Since I am basically going to miss the first Eagles game of the year due to work, I have to get pumped about something football related of else my MAN card will be revoked.

Real World Flithadelphia

I know this is a couple days behind, but did you locals watch our fine city shine on the MTV Monday night? Looks like The Real World has again rounded up the dumbest people alive and put them in a house so they can start getting real, or in the case of the last couple seasons, start acting like caricatures of past cast members.

What did I learn from watching this week?

The overtly sexual horndog chick is going to try and outdo Trishelle.

The gay former child star is going portray Philly as a gay Mecca.

I must truly have Gay-dar because I knew the black guy was going to be the one to come out. The easy money was on Landon due to his lisping style of talk, but I knew that's just how dudes from Wisconsin talk. I get 100 points.

The hillbilly guy or the midwest borderline gay dude both have Miz potential if they drink enough.

I'm sure I'll be glued to the TV watching all year despite the fact that more and more the people on the show don't appeal to me in anyway. I wouldn't hang out with any of the dudes and I would only attempt to hump the blonde chick who didn't have a role in the first episode. I will say that our town looks dope on the big screen. And that house is hot as hell.

Canadian Bacon

Watched the Barbarian Invasions this morning and wasn't impressed. For a Best Foreign Film winner from 2003, I expected more. It was like a french canadian soap opera. Dying father who cheats on wife, millionaire son who bribes everyone to treat this dying old man well, junkies, queer college professors and the long lost daughter away at sea. I say let the French make french flicks, you Canadians stay out of it. Atom Egoyan is the only filmmaker from Canada that makes anything watchable. And he makes movies in English!!

Maybe Next Time

Tonight was a borderline disaster. I was intending to go to the Scissor Sisters show at the Khyber but it turned out that a guy I know who said he could get me on the list wasn't able to. Thankfully I found this out before I trekked all the way downtown. Sadly, I was looking forward to the show. I'm assuming they will be back in Philly before long and playing at a larger venue.

What prevented me from going down early enough to crash the show and beat the cover was yet another house hunting mission. This time right down the street from me on Ridge Ave. It's a house much like the one I am currently in, and I love some of the interior. The kitchen is bumping and the roof deck is nice....but I don't know about the price. It's a tad more expensive than I think we were planning on spending. I'm waiting until tomorrow to see how I feel about it.

Everybody was Kung Fu fighting.

Saw Hero today. The color and framing of shots were amazing. The sound added another dimension to the whole thing. It did meander slightly towards the 3/4 mark, but overall Kung Fu-tastic. I think I still appreciate Crouching Tiger more though.

Previews note: Who decided to team Jimmy Fallon with Queen Latifah? Taxi looks downright awful.

Michael Moore is my Nizzle!

Did you see the story about how Mike Moore wants to show Farenheit 911 on television before the November election? I'll tell you what, the fucking Dems need this to happen. Bush got such a boost from that whore fest that was the Republican convention. I get so sick to my stomach when I hear stuff about how Bush is leading in the pools and what not. Moore would be throwing away his chance to be eligible for a Best Documentary Oscar this year (which would be a lock) by having it air on television. However, he could still pull off being up for Best Picture. All I want to see is which network has the balls to air this thing. Kerry 2004!

Habanero Hurts

Habanero Hurts
Originally uploaded by skipscorpio.

I can't feel my lips!

Icehouse, Great Band, Horrible Beer

The morning after.

My head hurts, my nose is running and my farts are LADs (Loud And Deadly). If I never see another hot dog I will be okay with my life. Good thing I only have about 50 of them left over! The turnout for my end of summer jamboree was weak. I don't know why I bother. With most of the fellows I hang with being in Colorado, I was taking some chances to begin with. I'm happy that my friend Starlene came up from DC and popped in. And JV never does me wrong. You know your party is sad when you 50 year old neighbors survey the scene and demand you come to their house as their all day rager is winding down. I'm sure they were like, we could throw all this food away or we could just invite the neighbor guys over and watch them attack the plates of chicken like drunken cavemen.

Alcohol is an amazing elixir. If has some many effects, so of which are far reaching. For example, when you drink your inhibitions come down, you say things you might not say if you were sober. You find ugly people attractive, meaning when you are drunk you are attracted to personality, which is how is should be anyway. When you are drunk, you think you can eat a Habanero or clear the air on issues, when in reality you shouldn't try to do either because you are drunk. Perhaps this is the beauty of being drunk? I don't know. I do know that I hate seeing friends fight when they are drunk. But I love seeing a guy wrestle with the pain caused by the fucking Habanero.

Sidenote: For someone who hates Guacamole, I sure as hell ate a ton of it.

Funny Ha Ha

So I watched some of the new Dave Chappelle comedy special on Showtime last night as I was falling to sleep and I'll tell you what...he's funnier than I thought. He's show is annoyingly stupid, but his stand up act is really tight. The bit about white guys always wanting to do homo shit to each other when they get drunk is dead on. You never see a black dude in those PRICELESS photos that float around the internet where guys have their faces painted or another guys nutsack resting on a passed out guy's forehead, do you?

I Wish I Smoked Crack

Apparently the only people selling houses in the Philadelphia area are people who live in absolute squalor. My current rental house, which is kind of a dump, is a fucking mansion compared to the places I am looking at. I don't trust people who show you their house at 10:30 AM and have more than 3 children under the age of 5 years old sleeping. Is the Mom feeding her kids NYQUIL? Late night watching HBO? Why would little kids be sleeping at 10:30 AM on a Sunday? Anyway, the house search presses on and it looks like we are eliminating some more areas of the city that are in our price range, but out of our league locations. (One house faced a ghetto 7-11. Seriously. It wasn't a 7-11, it just looked like one.)

I am starting to see the value in renting. No fuss, no muss.

Mystery Solved

Okay, back about a month ago while shit faced in Chicago I texted this cutie from Temple that I've been crushing on for about a year. I guess since I was drunk as hell, I decided that when I was sober I would regret what I did, so after I sent the message I immediately deleted it and therefore had no recollection of what the message was. Smooth. Mind you, I'm not a stalker or anything. Most likely, this girl probably had no clue that I thought she was hot or she might have thought I was kidding when I would attempt to flirt with her in my awkward 32 year old way. Doesn't matter. She was away for the summer, I was drunk in Chicago, I thought about her and "the text message" happened. It was dumb, but I did realize that she would have no idea it was from me since my phone number is not one she is familiar with. Secondly, when she called me back immediately following receipt of the text message, I declined the call and she would never guess that it was my voice mail account. I'm not sure I would make the top 100 of people who may have texted her.

What is the point of this Skip? You are killing me with all the extra details here. I know. Hold on. It's coming....

Last night I went over to the brand new apartment of said cutie and we had a talk about the message. I wanted to basically find out what I wrote, not to try and defend it, but to see just how embarassing my actions got out there in Shytown.

So I approached the subject and said "Did you get an odd text message like a month ago?"

And she said "Yeah."

So I said "Do you recall what it said?"

And she said "I have it on my phone still"

Yikes. Seeing my words on the phone was scarier than actually hearing her repeat them. I'm convinced if she would have told me what I wrote, she would paraphrase and maybe if they were ridiculously over the top, I could play it off. But seeing them attached to my phone number...with my distinctive use of ....right in the middle of the sentence, with my very own eyes.

YOU SUCK....AND I LOVE YOU.

Why? Why did I choose the word suck? Why did I tell a girl I hadn't seen in 2 months and have never really had more than a couple of conversations that I LOVE her? I'm sure an analyst could have a field day with this. I can't really defend my actions. I'm was drunk and lonely. That's probably the extent of it. It never crossed my mind that this girl may have had a boyfriend (which it turns out she did) and that my stupid act might have cause some friction (don't think it did). I was being selfish and retarded, as per usual. The bigger issue here is that I'm old enough to not be embarassed for very long by my own actions. I had no problem admitting that I wrote it. If she would have asked me why I did it, I'm not sure I would have an answer other than "cause your hot." Or "cause I was drunk." But I'm not a neanderthal. I did it because I wanted to. I wanted to say "HEY!" I think your amazing, funny, attractive but it came out as I LOVE YOU.

I'm hoping that this doesn't make things weird when we hang out, and if I know this girl even a little bit (and I think I do) she isn't bothered by it. I'm too old to fucking care. So there you have it. A 6th grade moment. Revel in it fuckers.

Frankie's Hello Kitty VW Rabbit on Ebay

Check out the description on this listing on ebay, especially what is located in the back seat of the car and the how it runs. I didn't think it was possible to hate this Real World attention whore, but I think this might have done the trick. (Click the title silly...)

Holiday Hangover Anyone?

I'm targeting Sunday about 4 PM for a little Hot Dogs and Beer party at the Yunk Palace. I made up a flyer and all. Gonna rally some worker bees at UO, but those city hipsters might snub me for living a bus/train ride away from "the city." Nothing big and fancy, just a little soiree in honor of the rare work holiday upcoming. Laborers unite and drink with me!

Calendar Girls

I liked it. What of it?

It's 2:30 PM and I'm already exhausted...

So I'm off today and getting mad shit accomplished, sort of.

I ran my credit report to see what may fuck up my chances of buying a house and low and behold, I have something lingering from like 12 years ago that ain't all that good. So I had to so some disputing online with the credit bureaus, make some calls to the collection agency, etc. You would think a place that is out to get money out of deadbeats would answer incoming calls. Nope. It's unreal. I was on hold for like 10 minutes to talk to someone at this shady ass collection agency that is attempting to collect on a debt that I settled already with another agency years ago. Of course, this will become a battle and cause me much grief before it's resolved. I can just feel it.

I'm going out Sunday to check out some houses with my realtor (sounds weird saying that) and my brother. I'm hoping they are at least an upgrade from the crack house I visited last week in West Philly.

Got an oil change on the Echo.

Tried to fix some shit in my current house to no avail. I'm not all that handy, so I don't know why I even bother. In fact, I am about to go try some more handy shit which will probably be a waste of time. Oh well.

I tried to buy tickets to see Scissor Sisters next week at the Khyber, but it's sold out. Bummer.

I'm definitely writing a column for a monthly online website devoted to Pop Culture, so be prepared for a link in the coming weeks. My topic will be one I am familiar with, reality television. Go figure.

Considering a BBQ on Sunday or Monday at the crib. Might even branch out and invite some work folks over.

So I'm off today and getting mad shit accomplished, sort of.

I ran my credit report to see what may fuck up my chances of buying a house and low and behold, I have something lingering from like 12 years ago that ain't all that good. So I had to so some disputing online with the credit bureaus, make some calls to the collection agency, etc. You would think a place that is out to get money out of deadbeats would answer incoming calls. Nope. It's unreal. I was on hold for like 10 minutes to talk to someone at this shady ass collection agency that is attempting to collect on a debt that I settled already with another agency years ago. Of course, this will become a battle and cause me much grief before it's resolved. I can just feel it.

I'm going out Sunday to check out some houses with my realtor (sounds weird saying that) and my brother. I'm hoping they are at least an upgrade from the crack house I visited last week in West Philly.

Got an oil change on the Echo.

Tried to fix some shit in my current house to no avail. I'm not all that handy, so I don't know why I even bother. In fact, I am about to go try some more handy shit which will probably be a waste of time. Oh well.

I tried to buy tickets to see Scissor Sisters next week at the Khyber, but it's sold out. Bummer.

I'm definitely writing a column for a monthly online website devoted to Pop Culture, so be prepared for a link in the coming weeks. My topic will be one I am familiar with, reality television. Go figure.

Considering a BBQ on Sunday or Monday at the crib. Might even branch out and invite some work folks over.

Conducive Schedule For A Change

I'm quite happy how my schedule is falling this week, despite the fact that I wasn't able to attend my good friend Matt's wedding in Colorado as I had planned. Before I took this job at UO, I had booked the time off to make this coming weekend a kick ass one. I was going to head out to the Telluride Film Festival and then cruise over to Vail for the wedding, then back to Telluride. However, I wound up taking a job that makes me wait 6 months before I earn vacation time. Evil. They are very generous to you once you start earning it, but that waiting period is a killer.

Anyway, no wedding/travel for me this week, but I am off Thursday, working 11-8 Friday and Saturday and off Sunday/Monday. My point is that I should be able to be a social person for a change. With the kids back in school this week, I'm hoping that something crops up. I'm trying to rally the troops here to have a BBQ dizzle on Sunday or Monday, but so far I haven't seen much of anyone. They must be at campus or sleeping whenever I am in the house these days.

Snow Patrol

I grabbed that album by Snow Patrol a little while back and I happy to report that it has overtaken Postal Service as a must listen to on the way to work. It's beautiful and haunting. Go buy it.

I am getting a couple CD's burned by this cool ass chick at work. Scissor Sisters and Burning Brides latests are on tap. I've heard a couple songs by each and I like what I hear. Might even check out SS at the Khyber with a crew if my schedule lines up the right way.