Garnier, Ben Gibbard and the Best Chick in the World

I've cracked. Right now I am typing this with my head covered in hair dye which stinks indecently, and I'm attempting to type without my glasses on calling on my memory of where the keys are. The new Death Cab For Cutie is the soundtrack for this experience , most likely something they never imagined when recording the record. I'm a grown ass man listening to indie rock and dying my gray hair vainly from my being. I like to make grand statements, so I'm going to make this experiment in hair dye be a rebirth of my spirit today. Last night I took one foot off the ledge thanks to Joolie.


What I have been missing here in Georgia is the feeling of closeness with someone. I've been removed from my support system, my friends and family. I have decided the way to deal with that is to immediately have this undying desire to find a girlfriend. Somehow I have convinced myself that having a girlfriend will make things all better. And that's probably not true. But part of my reason for thinking that way had to do with my feeling that I was alone here. That I'm fighting for survival on my own. And last night I realized that it's not true. I have Joolie. And she has me. She is quickly filling the void of best friend in my life and for that I'm grateful. What makes last night significant is that I finally saw that she is feeling the same way I am and is looking for me to help her just as much as I need her to help me.

A lot of what validates me is being needed. I want to be something to someone. And by being a great friend to Joolie, I feel better about myself. And by her listening to me blather on and on about all the shit that goes on in my head, she is being exactly what I need her to be. A friend.