Monday, August 08, 2005

Summer Cinema - Blowing Chunks

Two significant realizations were made today. One, movies should not be remade. Two, romantic comedies have run their course.

Let me first say that I didn't hate the Bad News Bears, aside from updating it to the year 2005, the script is the same and I loved the original. I rather found it unnecessary. Sure I laughed, but the movie made me think more about the classic version and how it was better on every level. And I'm not sure that's what Richard Linklater was intending. The kids are piss poor actors in this one. The new Tanner is a total rip off. The new Kelly has zero personality. And excuse me for flexing some pervert muscles here, Tatum O'Neal was a foxy little momma in the original, her replacement is clearly heading the way of college softball player (if you know what I mean). Overall, the rag tag squad is just boring in the remake. However, I did enjoy the new angles taken on Engelberg and Hooper. (I don't want to spoil it, but one kid is in a wheel chair and wheel chairs are funny.) The movie is very adult this time round, and Billy Bob Thorton is the man for the job proving in Bad Santa that he can work with kids and profanity just fine. What did concern me is that I'm not sure that Bad Santa and Morris Buttermaker are different people. Billy Bob is pretty much playing the same guy again, which in the grand scheme of things, didn't really bother me that much. I came away from this movie thinking to myself how does Billy Bob in the lead, Linklater behind the camera and a classic sports underdog story add up to just okay? Someone fucked up that's how. Never remake a movie that is already a classic. There is no point.

If you have been out to the theater lately you can't help but see the preview for the John Cusack/Diane Lane piece of shit Must Love Dogs. How played out is this formula? I mean come on now. Diane Lane is making a career off playing this really hot, 30 something who can't get laid and it's just all bullshit. And Cusack is getting puffy looking. I love him, but unless he has Jeremy Piven as his co-pilot in this type of movie, he's dead. Trust me, this movie will fail. And it sucks. You can tell by the preview. Speaking of which, how can you not want to see Reese Witherspoon play a dead doctor who falls in love with Mark Ruffalo from the beyond? Oh, did I mention that it's a comedy? And the ad actually says the following "and starring Napolean Dynamite's Jon Heder." Are you fucking serious? They are trying to use Napolean as a selling strategy for this hunk of sentimental horseshit? I nearly threw up on myself when I heard that. And another thing, Mark Ruffalo is quckly becoming a memory. The guy had such promise and now I'm thinking someone has filled his head with shit. 13 Going on 30 was cute, but dude don't make it your life. Leave that shit to Billy Crystal. Get back to basics and get in a decent movie. And not one where you wear a cheesy mustache.

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