I wonder what it would be like to be someone else. I'm comfortable in my own skin for the most part, but I can't help wondering what it would be like to be a completely different person. Maybe a really smart fucker, like scientist. Maybe someone who is successful. Maybe someone who is rich.
I'm not unsatisfied with my life, or who I am, but sometimes I feel as though I've hit a wall. I'm stuck a bit. I dabble in shit that occupies my time, but I don't really pursue my passions like I wish I could. And I'm definitely not happy with my personal life. I know that it's silly to think that if I looked different but had the same personality, I'd have no problem meeting the right woman. But man, sometimes I can't help but think it's true. I'm totally shallow. I admit it. I'm attracted to attractive people. And I know that I'm not particularly attractive. So it's not fair for me to expect a really hot, sexy single lady to actively pursue a fat, lazy, diarrhea prone NICE GUY. And by the way, she would have to be the aggressor since I'm so fucking ashamed of myself at times that I'm unable to formulate any sort of style or approach.
Part of me wishes I could be someone else so I can see what I'm missing. If I could be a married guy with an ugly wife for like a night or two, maybe I would see that it might not be so bad. Or if I was able to become a guy who has no problem getting the girl maybe I would see that the kind of girl I'm attracted to isn't worth getting. But then again, what if she is?
Aw, fuck. I'm actually bumming myself out with this whole line of thinking. This is what I get for deciding that I have to write today. Sometimes I force myself to write on here....to keep it going, to "do" something other than get up, go to work, come home, eat, watch TV, fall asleep. And when I force it, sometimes my mind goes to places that I don't want to go. Like this shit. I'm me. I'm not going to be anyone but me. And I keep hoping that it will be good enough for someone.
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