Poker, I Hardly Know Her

Another day, another dollar. I'm still not yet hooked up at home, and with me having off from work this past weekend, I wasn't able to make any postings. Considering what I have posted of late, this may or may not mean anything.

My weekend off revolved basically around one poker game taken to extremes. I was working until Midnight on Friday, and even though I could have gone out afterward since Saturday was my day, I didn't. I came home, plowed through some movies (Slasher and Yes Men were both OK. Not great, not terrible.) and hit the hay. Saturday morning I was awoken by a friend who needed some IPOD help, and by help I mean wanted to pillage my downloaded/upload music. It was great spending a few hours with Kate, even if she was there under false pretenses (kidding) but my session of moving tons of music from Itunes to her IPOD wore me out and I wind up taking a nap instead of seeing movie or leaving the house.

Saturday night was the big Poker game anyway, and I would need my rest. We assembled, all 6 of us, over at Gabe's house. Gabe was in charge of his 1 year old son Max while his wife was out of town and decided the best thing he could do was to make a ton of food, buy a shit load of beer and have a group of guys over for poker. Father of year you say? Well, you ain't heard nothing yet. So the game gets under way at about 9 PM, by about 10 PM one guy is down $70 and about to head out to Wawa to tap MAC for more cash. Yikes. I was up early and then rode a steady wave for the next 5 hours. When 4:30 AM rolled around, all the Wild Turkey and Boddingtons mixed with my allergy meds made me sluggish and I curled up on the couch in the next room leaving the remaining 4 players to continue on. (The guy down $70 in an hour did go to MAC, but dropped another $20 I think and then evolved into strictly downing shots of bourbon to take away the pain.) After an attempt was made to write all over my face, ah drunk shenanigans, I decided to seek refuge in a bed upstairs knowing that at some point everyone would need to crash and I should mark my territory on a bed before things got nuts. Imagine my surprise when at 7:30 AM I here Gabe's kid screaming in his crib in the room next to the one I wound up in. I did my best to block him out and did so successfully for about an hour at which point my instincts as an older brother who has reared a ton of kids in my day took over and I decided to see what was going on. I think baby Max was not relieved at the site of me coming to his rescue, but he is 1 so there was much fight he could put up. Plus an hour of straight crying must have worn him out even with a long night's sleep under his belt. When I came down stairs searching for Daddy I was shocked to see almost all of the guys still drinking and playing cards. It's 8:30 AM Sunday morning and these dudes are still at it. Amazing. My boy Weasel pulled his usual disappearing act in the early AM, but otherwise everyone was right where I left them. Gabe being intoxicated and sleepless were going to make the rest of the day a long one now that his kid was awake. It was at that moment that I thought to myself...thank god for rubbers. In any case, I rounded up my car pool mates Kevin and Shoe and headed out at 10 AM to go home and drop. Sunday was a wash as a result. I had Kevin crashed on my couch until about 7 PM, and by then I was tired of sleeping/lounging but not feeling quite ready to do much of anything else. So there you have it, one poker game controls my weekend. I guess I should be thankful that I only lost about $20. And woke up before my face was covered in marker.

As an addendum to this story I found out that Shoe left his coat with his keys in it at Gabe's house and when I dropped him off on Sunday morning he had to kick in his front door. Being completely shit faced, he wasn't really up for dealing with the cops who mistook him for a robber and drew guns on him when they showed up. I guess his story is probably more interesting...but I'm not him.

Braff-Tastic!

We all know what a joke the Grammys are...I mean Ray Charles winning that many trophys for an album no one heard, bought or knows about period...give me a break.

However, did you notice this?

Category 79

Best Compilation Soundtrack Album For A Motion Picture, Television Or Other Visual Media

Garden State
Various Artists - Zach Braff, compilation producer
[Epic/Sony Music Soundtrax/Fox Music]

Nice.

American Idol

Is this show even about singing anymore? The build up episodes are so fucking melodramatic anymore. I don't recall seeing all that much singing yet somehow we arrive at the final 24? Ok. Just get on with it...

In case anyone cares, I like the guy from Trevose PA and that young girl with bounce from Las Vegas. How did two rocker guys make the cut? These clowns will wind up being like that poor red headed kid from last year...embarassed week after week on national TV.

Top 5 Things I Wish I Could Elaborate On

1. The last episode of Sweet 16 on MTV. Holy shit! Rich kids are so fucking delusional it's just embarassing. I could talk about every episode of this show...but it would all just sound the same.

2. I got some of my security deposit back today. A minor victory.

3. Austin Scarlett getting cut over Wendy on Project Runway. Yikes!

4. Million Dollar Baby and Hotel Rwanda were both really good movies. (More will be coming on this along with Oscar picks.)

5. I need a social life. Badly.

Verizon...Mistake or Not?

So I am a) still alive and b) still without internet at home. I made the call and got set up with Verizon on some DSL, but they can't promise me an active line until 2/28 and I'm now in a waiting pattern until the gear arrives for me to test the line. I have been hoarding most of my musings on films, that I will probably mass post as soon as I'm operational. Hope everyone had a very upbeat and loving Valentine's Day...my laundry doing and movie watching went well with the relentless rain and feelings of insignificance and despair. Rock on!

Valentines

Ah, the smell of romance is in the air...

FUCK THAT.

Ironically enough I'm the only single Supervisor where I work and yet I'm given off on Valentine's Day? Guess I'm lucky? I'll most likely spend it sitting in my apartment doing laundry and watching a movie. And oh joy, I have 2 rentals from netflix both of which are romantic in nature. Just great. But then again, I could go out on the town and watch all the happy "in love" people and consider why it is again that I didn't kill myself in high school?

Packing Fudge and Watching the Grudge

Ah, another Friday night for the ages. Get out of work about 12:15 AM, roll to the parking lot just in time to meet the crowd coming from the a show at the Unitarian Church around the corner and then proceed to stare at my car which is 50 feet away from me for 1/2 hour until it's my turn to be handled by the slow, ancient parking lot attendant named Alvin. I thought we were boys me and Alvin, but apparently not. All he had to do was throw me my keys and let me roll out, but NO, he makes me wait in line and freeze. And then he has the audacity to hand me my keys when he is ready and tells me to pull it out myself anyway. Fucker. No more tips for you my friend. I'm so glad I'm done with this lot in another 2 weeks. It's been a nightmare dealing with the lowest of the low in life. Parking Lot attendant is up there with Ditch Digger and Assembly Line work. 3rd grade education and a driver's license are the only requirements from what I can tell.

I got home at 1 AM, grabbed some pudding out of the fridge, made a cup of chocolate milk and put on the Grudge. I'm like a cat lady, minus the cats. My new goal, now that I've stopped eating fast food and smoking cigarettes, is to just get so fat that I have to be airlifted from my apartment. My life has become a cycle of shame. I watch a lot of TV, eat, sleep and ocassionally watch a movie to take a break from watching TV.

The Grudge. What a piece of shit that was. I couldn't even make out what the hell was going on for the first 45 minutes, too much movement in time to be cohesive. We're in the past, now were present day, now were in the past again, now were meshing the past with the present day. Some jumpy shit happens, but overall the story was trying to hard to be like the Ring and comes across as a second rate version of the Ring. In other words, I'm sure the original is a lot better and therefore you have no need to watch this junk. Sarah Michelle Gellar...what's the attraction? She's a piss poor actress and seems to me to be void of a personality. I can't recall seeing her in anything that was even watchable...maybe I Know What You Did Last Summer like 10 years ago?

I'm So Over So Much

Ok. Day 12 of no internet connection from home. This fucking sucks. My attempts to abandon ship with the cable jawn and move onto DSL were thwarted by the fact that Cavalier Telephone doesn't work in my area. We live in a world of monopolies and I am getting forced into paying VERIZON aka the DEVIL an incredible amount of money per month just so I can add movies to my Netflix queue, look up shit on IMDB and rant about my pathetic life on this here forum. I'm further confused by the whole DSL requires a phone line nonsense. I have a phone. It's called a cell phone. Why do I need a fucking land line in this day and age? Just so I can then be set up with your overpriced DSL service? The wires come in to my house already...can't I just plug in a DSL machine and call it a day? Nope. You have to have a phone line...what a scam.

In addition to this bullshit, I'm also kind of over the whole landlord vs. tenant situation that has been going on for the Ridge Ave place that I recently vacated. Since I have been without a connection, I haven't had time to really detail the latest and greatest from the old place. It's now Friday night @ 10 PM and I'm at work BORED out of my mind. Yeah I have work to do, but fuck it. I owe you motherfuckers a story...

The Move
Ok. So I think all my former roommates agree at this point that we could have done a better job at a couple things before we left each other's lives and the place on The Ridge. For starters, we could have started downsizing our lives more than 2 days before we decided to move out. Since I was living with 4 college kids, 3 of whom graduated this past December, I probably should have expected what eventually transpired. Everyone with the exception of me was returning home to Mom and Dad. Therefore, essentially everything that couldn't fit into a bag or an SUV was deemed trash and had to be put on the curb come the final day of move out. Bad idea. We basically wound up with enough trash out front of the house for the entire neighborhood. And it wound up attracting some seedy fuckers who trash picked and left quite a path of destruction in doing so. This got the neighbors pissed and in turn made the landlord angry at us. The right way to do things would have been to down size over the period of 2 or 3 months, phase furniture out slowly instead of all at once. Oh well. Since we didn't do that and had a mound of shit on the curb, the landlord was forced to move the shit to a dump himself and charge us a fee for doing so. Nice. Or that is his story and he's sticking to it in any case.

What really bites is that he further docked us for leaving a bunch of shit in the house that he had to remove in order to paint...but this one isn't just our fault, the new tenants kind of fucked us a little by telling us, and by us I mean ME, that they wanted some of the shit we were tossing into trash. The way things went down, I was basically the only person living in the house for the last weekend. I had a chance to meet about 5 different guys who were getting ready to jump into this house the minute it was livable. All college kids at Philly U and from what I could tell nice enough guys. Since they were in and out of the house while I was packing up my shit and pretty much got a view of the heaps of trash everywhere inside and out, they started to ask if certain items were being left behind. I did my best to give them the low down on the place, including explaining that the landlord is a bit of slumlord when it comes to repairs. I went so far as to talk specifically about which things they would like me to leave behind for them. Since I was last one out so to speak, my roommates had left behind shit everywhere that needed to hit the curb. If I could wrangle out of moving all this crap, then why not? Extremely long story short, I wound up leaving some shit here and there for the new kids. Kitchen dishes, silverware, a microwave, some food even. I did clean out the fridge from top to bottom and toss away a lot of old cooking wear. I also left some home furnishings like a homemade entertainment center that the one kid liked and a couple tables in the basement. The kids even trash picked a ton of crap and put it back on our porch and in the front room of the nearly empty house on the last day before move out. I didn't see the harm and if someone could use this shit, then great. Go for it!

Too bad Mr. Landlord, inspired by his distaste for our curb side mess I'm sure, went ballistic about all the shit "left" in the house. I guess I became the fall guy for being the last man out and arranging shit "behind his back" with the new residents. This part kills me. I met these kids in his company and had discussions with them in his company. (except when I told them that he was a slumlord on repairs) When he flipped about all the shit in the house that didn't make it's way out to the trash, he wanted to know when this all was arranged with the new tenants. YOU WERE STANDING RIGHT THERE YOU FUCKING NIGHT TREMORS HAVING, PUSSY WHIPPED, SLUM LORD MOTHERFUCKER!!!! In any case, the new kids clammed up when the landlord asked them whether or not they asked to have certain things left in the house. Fucking assholes. I guess they figure they don't me anything...

When Mr. Landlord's wife gets a hold of this information, she gets all cunty about getting us back our security deposit. Brother Dan, the Negotiator, managed to come up with an amount of money we could afford to live with losing...knowing full well that this woman could completely fuck us over if she wanted to. Now here were are pushing 2 weeks since move out and the landlord and his wife are still playing games with us. First they wanted "PROOF" that utilities were paid in full. Now they want us to wait until they enjoy a weekend away in the mountains before they verify if the bills are in fact paid up. What a nightmare. I'm glad that I don't necessarily need this money like I know my roommates do, but I still want it. It can go towards my fucking VERIZON DSL bill that is ineviatable.

I Got Nothing

Still no internet. Clearly. I'm ashamed that I have left my blog go to hell and I'm sure I will pay for it with all the mental anguish that I am going through from not having an outlet for all the shit going on in my head each day. I'm saving up my reviews of movies and what not, but the really troubling shit, some of which I cannot even speak about, is wearing me down.

Road Runner was a complete disaster, as the helpful installer needs basement access of which I have none. My landlord hasn't called me back in 2 days with an answer to the question of if I can obtian access and that isn't the best way to begin our relationship in my opinion. I guess I'll pay March's rent when I feel like it. Fucker. I'm moving on to Cavtel...and DSL. I'm hoping that this won't require basement access since my apartment is riddled with phone jacks. In any case, I'm working as quickly as I can to resolve this issue and thank both of you for your patience. Yuck-yuck-yuck.

My Super Sweet Sixteen

I'm officially obsessed with this train wreck of a reality show. These kids are the most delusional, selfish, self indulged and obnoxious people I've ever seen in my life. And I love it. It's like MTV decided to forgo the "series" nature of Rich Girls and just devote 20 minutes to a litany of spoiled brats who have too much money and not enough sense. Why keep revisiting the same brats over and over again like Rich Girls did, when you can just peek in on this mess and then move on to another wacky kid with parents who are insane? Look how awful Simple Life has become. It's funny the first time, but now those idiots are clearly acting and the whole show is staged. I love the rawness of My Super Sweet 16. These girls are starved for attention and are willing to whore themselves for my enjoyment. Bravo!

Not So Fast...

This morning I was given the prognosis by the internet installer that unless he gets access to my building's basement, I'm shit out of luck. So I'm gonna be without a connection for at least another 3 or 4 days minimum. Ahhhh!!! Since I'll be off from work until Wednesday night, I'm going to be once again minimizing my contributions here for a little while longer.

Called Up

What do you say to a 20 year old girl who is on the cusp of spending a year in Iraq to "fight" terrorism and "instill" peace in the Middle East? I couldn't think of anything besides "please don't die." Isn't that pathetic?

I think I'm just in denial that I'm letting this girl go to war while I stay here and blog about what fascinates or irritates me in the world of entertainment. Not that I think I should be going to war in her place, afterall she did enroll in the Army Reserves, it's just that I don't want to dwell on the idea of her never coming back. And I guess I'm scared. The war goes on around me and I'm pretty detached from it. Not any more. I now have a vested interest in seeing this war end or at least seeing that Jolene comes back in one piece. And that stinks. I want to stay in my little bubble and worry about what kind of coffee table I should buy or what I should rent from Netflix or who I should crush on or how drunk I'm going to get this Sunday. I don't want to think about having a friend over in a strange land, eating sand and missing home. But I will. She deserves it.

Satelitte Dish = Awesome!

I'm up and running as of 11 AM this morning. I was happy to see all my friends like Greg Mathis and Marilyn Millian looking well. I even took in a double shot of Celebrity Fit Club, which is possibly the lamest idea and execution of a reality show EVER. I set up my DVR to record some Apprentice for tonight when I come home from work. Oh joy. I'm so loving it. Now I just await internet access from the comfort of home again. Speaking of which, I'm getting a little more adjusted to the new homestead. It's strange living alone, so quiet and peaceful. And clean. I'm might even be sleeping more soundly by the weekend if I play my cards right.

No Internet, No Cable, No Nothing

It’s amazing the amount of value television and the internet add to my otherwise dull life. Once I managed to square away all the particulars of moving into my new apartment, I had nothing but time on my hands thanks to some gracious scheduling by my boss. Three days off in a row would normally be a dream come true, but without a working television equipped to bring me Food Network, HGTV or MTV or a way to get on the information superhighway, forget it. I’d rather be dead.

How did this happen? Well, it’s a funny story. And by funny I mean tragic. I decided to be a bit of a cheapskate with my spending now that I am on my own again and I went with a satellite provider instead of the local cable company. I saw a deal on the internet that I couldn’t pass up…isn’t this how most tragic stories start? They do in my life. Anyway, on the day of installation (Monday between 12-5 PM) this nice Russian man calls me for my exact location at 3 PM. Yuri was on my street but nowhere near my apartment building so I went outside to wave him down as he made another pass down my block. I guess these cats are freelance or something because Yuri pulled up in his unmarked minivan and was wearing an Airborne Express sweatshirt. Fast-forward to the part where Yuri says he can only install 1 dish and not the 2 that is apparently necessary due to issues with property and sight lines. I’m not sure if it was his heavy accent or my complete ignorance, but when he rushed through explaining that he could only install 1 dish, I was like “okay” and he continued at it for another 45 minutes banging and doing what it is he does.

Now here is where it gets hilarious. So this 1 dish that I had put up on the side of my apartment building will only get me local and international channels. Huh? “So it’s basically a gigantic set of rabbit ears,” I ask Yuri. I’m not extremely concerned about it since at this point I’m frustrated, tired and completely sick of seeing Yuri in my apartment (we are like 2 hours deep on this situation) so I’m like WHATEVER. I’ll deal. At least I’ll have DVR action. No more VCR. I can live without my MTV. I’m strong. Now all that is left to happen is for Yuri to “call it in” to the Dish Network folks, get me up and running and pack up that shitty minivan of his and take off. Apparently Yuri needs to make the “call in” call on MY cell phone. This dirty-handed Ruskie waits on hold for 30 minutes to get a representative on the line and then proceeds to battle with her for another 30 minutes about what he has done. According to the Dish Network folks, Yuri can’t just install one dish, he needs to do them both or else the deal is over. It’s now 6 PM and I have shit to do. I have to go back to my old house and finish moving out my clothes and food and then I have to head to Target for various apartment needs. When all is said and done and Yuri hangs up the phone he tells me that he is coming back to my house on Thursday morning to install Dish #2. Huh? Until then, I’m outta luck. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I’ve been plowing through Season 1 of Kin of Queens on DVD to keep me sane and give the impression that I at least have TBS or something.

Now I know what you are thinking…if’s Yuri’s coming back to install the second dish on Thursday, why didn’t he just install it on Monday? Well, now that Dish Network got Yuri in line he was chock full of ideas on where this second dish could be mounted to get adequate site lines. But here’s the good part, I need to be his fucking installation wing man and ask either the next door mechanics garage if they are willing to hold my dish on their rooftop or ask my neighbor behind me if he minds if Yuri taps into his already existing satellite dish located 3 stories up on the back side of my building. What the fuck? To make matters worse, I never did get permission from my landlord to even get the thing installed to begin with. Considering that there are no less than 4 dishes attached to my building, I hardly think this would have been an issue, but nonetheless, if I ask him now about drilling into his siding (the option left if both neighbors turn me down…which they will…if I talk to them…which I refuse to do.) he might be a little steamed that I never asked from the start. Yuri wants permission from one of these 3 options, if not then he comes back to unplug what he has installed and move on with his life. And then I’m back to ground zero. Ahhh!!!!!!

Phase 2 of this mess is my internet situation. I again located a great deal on the internet from Road Runner that offered 6 months at $29.95 a month, $44.95 thereafter. Nice deal for a cable connection. So I registered online and got a phone call on Monday (pre-Yuri’s visit) that I slept through. When I called them back about arranging service installation, I was told by Andre that if I looked at the fine print on my offer it says this offer is not valid in all locations and apparently my apartment is one of those locations. Huh? Andre could only give me service for the price of $54.95 a month since I’m not a cable subscriber. Naturally my reaction was something along the lines of NO FUCKING WAY! Andre then suggested I visit Best Buy or Circuit City and register there for Road Runner. Huh? Apparently if I go to Best Buy and use their computer I will magically be able to get a promotion of $29.95 a month for 3 months (the offer ongoing in “my area”). Since I was heading to Target in the vicinity of Best Buy later on, I told Andre that I will register there and thanked him for his “help.” Fast-forward to me in Best Buy at 9 PM essentially putting my name and address into their computer only to receive a print out that I will “need” when Road Runner calls to arrange installation. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why I needed to come all the way to Best Buy to do this, but I was exhausted and decided not to question anything more at this point. (Yuri’s idiocy really did a number on me earlier in the day) I went to bed on Monday dreaming of a world with internet and cable TV and slept horribly knowing that when I awoke I would still be without both. The next morning when my Road Runner wake up call came from Andre, I politely ignored it once again. I don’t want to seem that eager….that’s how they get you and try to add “features” and shit to your order. When I went to call him back I glanced over my Best Buy print out and saw the instructions of what I was to “next” after I printed out the registration AT Best Buy. It appears that I was supposed to take the print out to a cashier who would then print out some forms I will need when I speak with Road Runner. Huh? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Back in the car and twenty minutes later I am getting my necessary print outs from the cashier.

I called Andre from the parking lot to get the ball rolling. The earliest he could get me in is between 12-2 on Saturday. OMG! What the hell am I supposed to do until then? Read? I’ve organized everything I own already. I have rearranged my furniture in 2 rooms and it’s only Tuesday. You cannot imagine how slowly time passes when you don’t have television or the internet to occupy your attention. I long to view my email. I’m craving a reality TV show. Sidenote: The “forms” supplied to me from the Best Buy cashier never came up in conversation with Andre. Life sucks. Life without cable sucks more.

This was written the old fashion way on Microsoft Word at home, printed out and then transcribed into Blogger when I was near a computer. Appreciate me.

I'm 12.

The boredom of working on a Saturday night has reached an all time low. I decided to committ about 30 minutes to the task of answering some quizlets on bzoink.com. From what I can tell, bzoink was created by and for pre-teen girls. It's a warehouse of surveys, poll and quizlets geared towards finding your crush or blabbing about yourself until the point of vomiting. Everything you take part in can be spit out in html format for you to further poison the internet with. The odd thing about completing these is that there seems to be a slant of negativity to them. Or at least that was the case for me.

What I learned this evening:

My pimp name is JUICE BOX and my rapper name is MO' FRESH FLAVA (I thought is was Skip O'Pot2Mus?). Apparently I will die by committing SUICIDE when I'm 59 by slitting my wrists. 342 people HATE me and 598 LOVE me. Some how this equates to being 94% loved? The first letter of the first name of the woman I will marry is E however, I'll only have sex .5 times in my life. I'm 74% Ugly, 90% Gay and my sexiest feature is my NOSE.

I came across a Love Compatability quiz and found out that essentialy regardless of who I enter my advice is consistently "don't brag about yourself, they don't like that." I attmpted my compatability with as many girls as I could name and was surprised by the results. I'm only 47% compatible with Mandy Moore and my sister's friend Amy who I've lusted after for 5 years, 54% with Ashley Olsen, 72% with Mary Kate Olsen, 57% with Kate Winslet, 45% with Queen Latifah, 86% with Dido, 85% with Brad Pitt and 69% with Jennifer Aniston.

I think you get the idea. The internet is very strange place.

Some Kind of Monster

I recall hearing something back when this documentary came out that you didn't have to be a fan of Metallica to appreciate the movie. Well I'm here to tell you that is completely WRONG. I loathe Metallica. In my opinion they are completely overrated and James Hetfield just cannot fucking sing. My love of documentary film forced me to give this one a chance despite my better judgement and I was greatly disappointed. I gained no insight at all into who these idiots are or whether or not they even like each other. Or if they ever did? Let me back up in case you are not aware of what this film is about.

So Metallica is falling apart, the bass player quits and they are considering making another record (the why is never really explained, as it's clear that no one is begging for a new record and at this point I think record sales of St. Anger proved that.) however, the guys aren't getting along. So they hire this performance coach/therapist to join their little fold and help them sort out their problems as a band. 2 and 1/2 hours later I guess all is well in metal land and the new record comes out. The therapy scenes don't reveal much at all about the relationships that these clowns have with each other or with their families. It's a lot of boring scenes of sitting around making music that sucks and bitching at each other like bandmates do. Aside from seeing Lars Ulrich's Dad who is cool as hell looking and watching Dave Mustaine cry about being kicked out of the band like 18 years ago, their isn't much meat on this bone.

My favorite scene was the initial interview with the bass player that quit the band, Jason Newstead. Essentially when the idea was brought up about needing a therapist to sort out the band's issues, Newstead says "I thought that this is really fucking lame!" I couldn't agree more.

Hook Me Up!

Help me get my Photo iPod!

Click the link, sign up for a crappy credit card or some shit and I'll get a free IPOD. Or so they claim. I need only 10 takers...

The Move Is On

And so it begins...

Moving sucks. There is so much hassle involved, address changes, sorting out utilities, getting keys, arranging a truck, finding helpers and figuring out what you need to survive. I'm already tired and I haven't started yet.

Today I went to IKEA to scout out a new bed (my bed frame is like 10 years old and I've moved it a million times) and wound up buying a bunch of shit that I will need for my new place. I got a nice little Dining Table and 2 chairs, silverware, food containers, some plates, and various other crap. I have to make a return trip to get the bed at some point before Sunday afternoon. I also went to Best Buy and purchased a shiny new microwave oven. What my plan is for moving is to buy as much shit as possible, throw away the old and start anew. In fact, I'm about to go sort through some shit and see what I can toss once Judge Judy is over.

As far as my utilties go, I did manage to sort out a lot of shit today...namely electric, cable and internet. I can't remember if my new place uses gas or not, so I'm laying off on calling them until I see the place again. Hopefully it's not gas heat, or it might be frigid in there for a couple days. I decided to say FUCK COMCAST and stick with Road Runner as my internet provider. I found an offer online for $29.99 a month for 6 months with Road Runner which sounds good to me. I also decided to go with the Dish Network instead of cable. This company called Allsat is running a great deal that I couldn't pass up. $39.99 a month for 120 channels, including locals AND Tivo on 2 TVs. I'm stoked about this deal. I have wanted Tivo for the longest time....and it's finally here. Unless of course I can't get a letter from my new landlord that says I can have a dish put up on the property. All in all, 70 bucks a month gets me Cable and Internet. Not bad.

Speaking of cable/internet, ours is getting turned off in roughly 15 hours. Yikes. I'm going to be TV and computer free for a couple days. I guess I'll read? I saved up some Netflix movies for the ocassion. And then there's that whole moving thing I need to get moving on...

Hey Bitch! Mind Your Business!

Today at work, this person I work with decided to ease drop on a conversation of mine, then proceeds to ask me to cover her work for over an hour so she can go chat with our boss and "discuss" the specifics of a conversation that she most likely half heard at best. Why can I be sure that she only "half heard" the conversation? Well, as a barometer I'm using her retention of shit that we must know to our job adequately, and let me tell you, it ain't pretty. I could fit in a thimble all that she does know about our job and have plenty of room.

What really steams me is that my boss doesn't even approach me about this situation, instead writes an email to everyone outlining "new rules" about the very issue I was discussing earlier, privately with an employee. Like I'm not supposed to figure out that the email is directed to me? What am I fucking retarded?

Movies News

Oscar Nominations came out today. Ugh. That about sums it up. Besides being completely predictable, the Academy fails to get any younger in it's approach. You can tell the voters are fucking retirees. In the first year in 3 years without Lord of the Rings to dominate, looks like they took pity on Martin Scorcese and nominated the shit out of The Aviator. I have zero interest in seeing this movie. Besides that, how can a movie that won Best Comedy at the Golden Globes and Best Screenplay not have a Best Actor Nomination for Paul Giamatti? He WAS the fucking movie!!! And did Kate Winslet act by herself or was Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I'm not a huge Jim Carrey fan...but that was the performance of his life. And while on the subject of Eternal Sunshine, no nods for art or cinematography went it's way either? Unreal.



Sundance notes; Apparently Kevin Costner is getting his grove back (The Upside of Anger) and krumping, clown dancing, is the premise of a documentary by photographer David LaChapelle. I wish I was there.

Wee Hawk

After rocking the jumbo hawk for all of one day, I just trimmed it down to a very stylish military cut that still kind of resembles a mini-hawk of sorts. Honestly, I wish I was able to style a jumbo hawk, but I don't have that kind of time. And I don't feel comfortable sporting it in public. However, I'm still very excited about the Eagles making the Superbowl and tonight in celebration, I am going to watch King Arthur with Clive Owen.

And oh yeah, I went with Rochelle Ave and the place is mine. I sign the lease Wednesday morning. Another year of my life committed to Roxborough USA. I'm right off the train station platform, so now no one can bitch about coming to visit me.

All that remains:

Fat Kid Getting Nutty

E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles!!!!!!

Donnie Mac, Chad Lewis, Freddie Mitch....my boys represent! In honor of this trip the Superbowl....I present the Skip's mohawk! If the People's Champ can rock it, so can I.

Don't Drink and Blog

The aftermath. I feel ok, not hungover that much and feel oddly refreshed. I ate a ton of bean dip that is giving me some lethal gas, but otherwise I'm good to go. The same can't be said for the roommates who appear to have been collectively run over by a car. I can vaguely recall posting the crap below in a drunken stupor. Forgive me fair readers as I was having a melt down of sorts due to massive consumption of PBR, Sparks and Lemon Drop shots. Drunk people say, do and "write" the silliest things. Instead of being a pussy and just deleting what I wrote, I thought I would let it stand as a reminder of the evils of drinking.

And now we watch the Eagles win. And then we dig my car out of the gas station across the street and park it somewhere legitimate. Yee-Haw!

But Baby It's Hot In Here

The heat is cranking higher than any of us can afford. The party was a bust. No one came out for it, and with good reason, massive amounts of snow. I was convinced that I would be swimming in beer until Tuesday, but my oh my, all the beer was drunk by the small crew that did represent. Eagles game tomorrow at 3 and I'll be drinking vodka and coke throughout and trying not to dwell on how sad my life is right now. I'm clearly depressed, and I long for affection in some way. I'm drunk as shit right now, so forgive me if I get lame. I wish the girl of my dreams was here tonight. I really do. I heart her hard.

What's It Gonna Be Boy?

My search for an apartment came to a head today when I decided before I looked at 2 different apartments, that it was going to be one or the other.

In this corner we have a 1 bedroom apartment on the ground floor of a detached single home located steps from the Wissahickon regional rail train station and directly across the street from a bar. And in this corner we have a trinity, 2 bedroom with spiral stair case located in the heart (or should I say bowels?) of South Philly.

Since I have no choice but to take the process to the next level, i.e. credit check, applications and deposit, I had to weigh the pros and cons of both locations/spaces and make a decision this evening. Before I reveal the winner, let me describe in excruciating detail the layout, bright spots and negatives of each place so that you can feel my pain.

Location 1: Rochelle Ave
This one bedroom apartment is a first floor unit in a stand alone house (no houses connected on any side) with 4 units above it. The entrance to the apartment is actually not on the front of the house, but rather the side down an alleyway of sorts. To the immediate left of the house is a mechanic's garage that appears to be hurting for business. (It was closed at 11 AM on Friday?) About 50 yards down the street is the train station for easy access to the city, this may be concerning as it could be a high traffic area during commuting hours. Across the street is TJ Hogan's, a dive bar that may or may not be a haven for cocaine. The one and only idiot I know that frequents that joint is now completely consumed with the little white powder. Moving on to the particulars of the space itself...when you enter the apartment the kitchen unit is dead ahead, off to the side in the rather spacious room. The kitchen/dining room/living room are essentially this one room much like a studio apartment. The door to the place is actually towards the rear of the house, so the kitchen is against the back wall. As we move toward the front of the house there is a small hallway that contains a door to the full bathroom. Shitter, shower and sink are decent looking, and the room isn't that tiny. At the end of this very short "hallway" (we're talking 4 feet maybe) is the door to the bedroom. This room is huge! It's as big as the kitchen/living room. From the front of the house, the bedroom is behind the front windows where you would expect a living room to be. The interesting layout appeals to me. As an added bonus there is another shitter/sink in the bedroom in addition to a closet. Washer/Dryer are located on site with access to all residents of the 5 units in the place via a key. What I don't like about the place is everything is electric (heat/stove), some of the outlets look shody (missing cover plates),the kitchen and living are basically one room and the kitchen is "dated".

Location 2: Beulah Street
This trinity is located on a small, alley street between 7th and 8th street right off Dickinson in South Philly. Parking looked okay, even if the neighborhood didn't. On the 1500 block of this street there are a bunch of garages and only a handful of homes. Some of the homes look bombed out, but the street could be labeled quaint since there is little foot or street traffic. But it's rough looking, very urban. A friend who lives on this block describes it as "Post World War 2 Warsaw" and says that she feels safe living there. The good part about this place was that it is 2 bedrooms and $50 less a month than the apartment on Rochelle. Parking, 2 bedrooms, a whole house! What's not to love? So when you walk into this place you are smack dab in the tiny living room. It's basically about 10 feet by 15 feet and has hardwood floors. There is a spiral stair case that leads upstairs at the far right of the room and next to the spiral stairs is a door with window cutouts that conceals access to the gross, dirty basement. Around the corner from the living room is the kitchen which was nothing more than a stove, sink and a couple cabinets. (No fridge?) There is a small cement yard beyond the kitchen that looked like it could hold a grill and not much else. Up the spiral stairs to the 2nd floor we have a small room and the bathroom. Nothing special about this, looks kind of grubby, but it could have been the lack of heat in the place that contributed to my feelings that the bathroom looked cold. Up another spiral stair case, we enter directly into the top floor bedroom which was described as a Loft. The ad failed to mention the 6 foot ceilings in this loft. Or the closet door that was a regular sized door with the bottom sawed off leaving the door knob closer to the ground than anyone besides Verne Troyer would appreciate. This room was decent sized, with a couple of windows, but the low ceilings might be trouble. And a fat guy and spiral stairs are not a good mix.

So there you have it, a dissection of what I have to choose from as my next humble abode. Considering all the options, I've opted for the 1 bedroom located literally around the corner from my current house. It's easier to move there, parking is ample on the street, I know the area, I love 2 bathrooms since I love to shit and I think I will be happier there. Rochelle Avenue gets the nod and now we wait and see. I'm anxious as all hell to make this nightmare end. I've wasted so many hours on this project, including the 45 minutes I've spent writing this post. Let it end.

Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

Kill me!

Ok. So I have been forcing myself to just deal with my housing situation and not allow myself to have any enjoyment whatsoever. No watching TV shows that I like, no watching Netflix, no going to the movies on my day off, no shopping for anything other than necessities and despite my best efforts, all I've accomplished is stripping my life of anything that resembles joy. I still have no place to call my own and the deadline of January 31 looms and in the meantime I've made myself miserable. I have spent probably 400 hours on craigslist looking for a new apartment over the past 6 weeks. My eyes hurt when I sleep from being on the internet.

I'm consumed with my concerns about money, my job, my future, my nonexistent love life. I anxious to live on my own again, but scared by the prospect of what that means. Can I afford it? Will I get lonely? Will I become a hermit? Will I be able to afford a social life? There's that word again AFFORD. It's so expensive living alone in this city. Can I survive without cable, a luxury that might be too costly? Can I make it without internet at home, again too costly?

Tomorrow I am scheduled to see a couple of places and I need to be less picky than I ever have in my life. I need to make a move. I want to have a reason to rejoice on Saturday night, not wallow in depression over my lack of decent housing. We are celebrating the end of an era, the end of college for some and the end of The Ridge for all. I want this night be one full of memories and fun, not despair. It's bad enough that the impending threat of snow is already making this party unstable, I don't need to add to it.

Please, Please, Please, Let Me, Let Me, Get What I Want This Time

To Take The Edge Off

It's less than 30 minutes until Fox starts up yet another search for the blandest singer in the USA. Fucking American Idol. Didn't Fantasia not even having much of a career play a part in deciding to continue this insanity? Clay Aiken is the biggest star to come outta this mess and he didn't even win. And he's clearly still hiding in the closet. (Poor kid.) And I hear they are jacking up the weekly show count to 3 instead of the unnecessary 2 like seasons past. Who has time to watch 3 episodes of American Idol per week? I'm not saying that I won't watch it, I'm just not sure why it's still on. Every year I say I will watch it just to see the talent pool and then I'm out. And every year I get sucked in. That red headed fuck had me intrigued enough last go round to make me tape every episode. Damn you! And if they get a cute girl on there. Man...3 shows a week? I'm a dead man. I got shit to do. I'm moving in 2 weeks. And tonight Amazing Race is on as well. Obligations. I'll tell you....

Nice Globes!

The Golden Globes were on last night, and as per usual we had a little "contest" to see who could pick the most winners. I previously posted my handicaps for the event, but I didn't use that as a guide when making my last minute picks yesterday. I wound up in a tie for first place with Noele with 7 right out of 24 categories. Yikes. That is horrible. I'll blame my lack of success on the following: I was drinking all day watching my beloved Eagles soar high over the Vikings, I was pressed for time as I arrived home 15 minutes prior to showtime and I haven't seen many of the nominated films yet. (The Golden Globes used to be in February, this accelerated awards season is reeking havoc on my schedule.) I plan on seeing Million Dollar Baby, Hotel Rwanda and A Very Long Engagement before February...so I'll be sure to be more prepared come Oscar time.

Below is a recap of who I boosted WOULD win and who DID win last night.

Best Picture, Drama: I said Finding Neverland will win, but Aviator took the prize. Ugh. I hate Scorcese. He's the worst.

Actress, Drama: I picked Imelda Staunton. Hilary Swank won. I was way off. Good to see Hilary back on top though....but man is Chad Lowe a pussy or what? Get a job dude.

Actor, Drama: I had Depp winning by a nose on the blog and in my panic last night I went with Javier Bardem, but Nooooo, fucking Leo won. I am starting to think I need to see this Aviator movie, but it just looks so fucking boring to me.

Picture, Musical or Comedy: Thankfully Sideways won. I would have preferred Eternal Sunshine, but I'll take it. I picked The Incredibles here last month. Again, way off. Maybe the foriegn press is like me....sick of PIXAR movies.

Actress, Musical or Comedy: "Winslet is amazing, but the Zellwegger can't lose. They love her. (Keep an eye on Bening...)" this was my take on this category last month....TOLD YOU SO. Bening won for a movie that NO ONE, and I do mean NO ONE saw.

Actor, Musical or Comedy: Yeah!!! I had one right. Good work Mr. Foxx and great speech. I cried. I laughed. This dude is talented.

Foreign Language: The Sea Inside won. I was off with Flying Daggers. (I saw Daggers after I predicted it would win and it wasn't that good. Shame on me.)

Supporting Actress: "Portman was a bright spot in Closer for me, but Madsen was resurrected in Sideways. Virginia all the way." Again I was wrong, but I was kind of right. Yeah Natalie!

Supporting Actor: "Clive Owen was another bright spot in Closer and was able to go from nice guy, to prick, to down and out flawlessly, but Thomas Haden Church was just too fucking funny not to win this one." Wrong again, but I praised the rightful winner again. My homo crush Clive looked dashing by the way.

Director: Clint Eastwood, "Million Dollar Baby" won, I had Forster. Oh well.

Screenplay: "For me, Sunshine and Sideways are a toss up. Kaufman has the edge." So close....Sideways won.

TV

Drama Series: Nip/Tuck? I don't even get FX. I had Lost.

Actress, Drama Series: I had Jennifer Garner, but Mariska Hagarty won from Law and Order. Man she looked hot too. I guess Elektra bombing this weekend made it a shitty time all around for Jenny.


Actor, Drama Series: Spader was robbed. Ian Fucking McShane? Who are you? Deadwood? Who watches that junk.

Series, Musical or Comedy: "Arrested Development is the funniest show on TV right now. Fuck those Desperate Housewives. I'm already sick of the hype." Does this count as half-right? The new Sex and the City....GREAT!

Actress, Musical or Comedy: Who cares? I had Sara Jessica....but Teri Hatcher won. She was good in those Radio Shack commericals. I'll give her that.

Actor, Musical or Comedy:Another one right!!!! "Incredibly hard choice between Larry David and Jason Bateman for me. I think I'll go with Bateman." Awesome!! It's Your Move was his best work, but man Arrested Development is hilarious.

Supporting Actress, Miniseries, Movie or Series: Drea de Matteo was my choice, Angelica Houston won. Guess the voters are watching Joey...

Supporting Actor, Miniseries, Movie or Series: "Jeremy Piven and the Shat are both incredible. Make this one a tie. Pretty please." Wasn't a tie, but the Shat did win.

So there you have it. My predications examined and exposed. I'm not perfect. I'll do better at the Oscars. Trust me.

I'm Straight....however,

I have this obession with Clive Owen that makes me slightly uncomfortable. I thought he was the best part of Closer, great in the Croupier, I even liked his small role in Bourne Identity. Last night I watched an okay British flick called I'll Sleep When I'm Dead that he was the star of just because he was in it. And tonight I might plow through King Arthur, another "just cause he's in it" rental from Netflix. I think the guy emits some sort of odorless mind control drug through the screen that makes me like him. Not sexually, but like I want to "be" him. Like when I wanted to "be" Judd Nelson in the Breakfast Club. I fucking ran out and bought a trenchcoat and some fingerless gloves the minute that movie ended.

I'm also thinking highly of Chris Knight aka Peter Brady. The guy seems like the quintessential Nice Guy on the new Surreal Life. I love the fact that he starts macking that model chick eventually. When he carried Mini Me to bed, my heart melted. (Oh my God....maybe I am gay?)

Think of something hetero quick!


Much better.

In other news, can I mention that I also love TOBLERONE. Have you had it? Swiss Milk Chocolate with Honey and Almond Nougat. So fucking good. So are POCKY come to think of it. If you don't know POCKY, you don't know shit. Chocolate is evil.

I'm in a better mood today I suppose. Nothing new has happened, a lot of shit is in limbo. I wouldn't mind having some things squared away, but at least I'm breathing. My boys are talking about a Vegas trip in May...and I'm leaning towards a visit to Colorado in late July to see my fucking pathetic, inactive in the off season-Phillies play the Rockies at Coors Field. I said I want to travel more in 2005 and here it goes. The bookings start with these two for starters and we take it from there.

Bad Moods

It seems like everyone I know is in a bad mood these days. Today I let it get to me and was in one myself. I hate going to work and being around people who hate being there. Since I try to always be positive and upbeat there, I kind of expect that in return. Not possible. The negativity is contagious sometimes and it's getting on my nerves.

Everyone needs to just fucking chill out. It's a job. It pays you money. It affords you to live your life. If you don't like it, get one you do like. Being upset or angry isn't the answer. I want everyone to be happy, but that's not enough. People have to try a little on their own. I'm sorry your loans are expensive. I'm sorry he dumped you. I'm sorry that you cannot text message people while you are at your desk on a phone call with a customer. I'm sorry that you were given the wrong answer by the supervisor of the year. I'm sorry that I said what I said. I'm sorry that I made fun of you. I'm sorry that you can't just do what you want and get paid for it and get a fucking raise when you feel like you deserve one.

Sometimes I want to put a bullett in my head.

Tomorrow is a new day. I'll think about applying for that other job a little more...or I won't.

"this song will change your life..."

Last night I watched Garden State on DVD. Man, I think I could watch that movie 100 times and not get sick of it. I want a girl like Sam. I want to know a millionaire who has a big mansion. I want a best friend who digs graves and smokes weed. Movies are awesome.

Musical Day

Today I spent the majority of my time listening to music, some old, some new. How fucking good is music? I have so much respect for musicians, the guys and girls who do it day in and day out and strive to make something that someone else will enjoy.

I busted out a classic CD when I woke up, So by Peter Gabriel. There are some tracks on that album that are just amazing. Red Rain. Don't Give Up. Really incredible shit. I know that most people remember Pete for his wacky videos, but the man was a great songwriter back in the 80's. I remember winning So on the boardwalk in Wildwood when I was about 16. My uncle and I were getting into trouble up on the boards and were drunk and we played this game where you threw darts at stars lined up on cork board, if you got your dart in the star part, you could pick a cassette tape. We both won after spending probably the equivalent of what it would have cost to buy the damn tapes, but we didn't care. Uncle Dave grabbed Raising Hell by Run DMC and I picked Mr. Gabriel's So. We spent the rest of the night cruising Atlantic in his car blasting both albums looking for chicks. I remember how I felt the first time I heard Don't Give Up. I didn't know what depression was at the time, but I knew that this song made me feel better about things, namely not getting any girls to talk to us. It's come in handy more times than I can to talk about over the years as well. So opened me up to the whole world of Peter Gabriel and I wound up owning most of his solo shit on vinyl. Solisbury Hill, Biko, Games without Frontiers, my, my, my. Lot of good times me and Pete had.

I tried to give that new Beastie Boys another shot and man is it weak. Thankfully I was fully involved in scouring internet for various things, such as plans for a loft bed, 1 bedroom apartments for rent CHEAP and pictures of Kirsten Dunst losing her bikini top in the ocean. The distraction made listening to this album tolerable.

Tonight a friend of mine slid me an album via IM of this dude Ray LaMontagne. Amazing. Please seek him out and hear this stuff. Very 70's, CSNY/Buffalo Springfield kind of stuff. I'm in love with this record and I've only heard it once so far. The man drips of soul and his lyrics are so rich and thought provoking. (I'm also excited to have obtained Neutral Milk Hotel's On Avery Island from this same sweetheart. Thanks A.) If you haven't heard NMH, stop reading RIGHT now and go to ITunes and download that shit. For real.

I guess all this music listening made me forget about the latest trauma that happened to me today. I nearly bit off my own tongue while eating a hoagie. Who knew this was even possible? I thought your brain would sense that you are about to bite off the tip of your tongue and tell your teeth to stop. Apparently not. I really did some damage. So much so that I think I now have a lisp. As if being obnoxious and fat weren't enough of a handicap. I'm a real winner.

Let me close by saying that Wicker Park soundtrack is a decent listen, but hot damn that movie is a piece of freshly laid dog poo. Matthew Lillard and Josh Hartnett both absolutely blow. It's long, lame and an utter waste of time. Please avoid it.

Right of Passage, Eagles Bus Style

Things didn't go exactly as planned last night, but I was able to meet up with the "Eagles" bus and the happy twenty first for Noele in Manayunk. I got to miss the Finnegan's Wake portion of the evening, so you won't hear me complaining too much. The real tragedy in all of this was joining a drink fest in progress where everyone was like 50 laps ahead. I didn't have my first beer until midnight whereas everyone on this party bus began at 7 PM and was shithoused by midnight. All the ladies looked fine and the guys all looked way to drunk to notice that, so I was tempted to try and shoot fish in a barrell, but decided otherwise. Instead of going back to PENN to sleep on a slab of floor and try my luck at convincing some chick that it would be an excellent idea to make out, I opted to roll home and hit the sack in my own comfy bed. Is age catching up with me? Or is it maturity? Nah. Probably just laziness. I'm glad I was able to make an appearance at the very least since Noele is like the coolest chick I know. And her old man Kevin is my favorite non-little brother, little brother. Happy Birthday. May all your dreams be of Natural Light and Whiskey.



This picture was taken moments after our guest of honor ate half a soft pretzel that fell on to the dirty bus floor and under the seat. Foul.

But very PUNK ROCK!

Eyes Closing...

Winter. How come it feels like midnight at 5 PM these days? Fucking daylight savings time. I had two caffienated beverages and a smoothie with "energy" boost today and I still could fall asleep at my desk here at work. It's dark outside. Essentially this is my Friday night since I'm off for the next 2 days, and I have plans to get crunk...but I have this uneasy "I need bed rest" feeling coming on. Maybe it's work. The boredom of it is stifling sometimes.

Holy Shit....I Know Her!

I have literally waited my entire life, well at least 20 years, to stumble across a person that I actually know to be in pornography. Every time I would come across some new clip on the internet or some random photo that someone emails, inside I was always thinking what a thrill it would be if I recognized the person in the sex act. I don't think I thought much beyond the initial reaction that I would have, i.e. would my thrill quickly turn to disgust or judgement? I never (thankfully) considered what I would do if it were a relative like one of my many sisters. I just wanted to get that initial rush of OH MY GOD!!!! The fallout would come later.

Well, here we are in the fallout shelter.

Yesterday's weekly paper in Philly had a cover story on this 21 year old Asian dude who wants to be the next king of porn. It's a lousy article that basically portrays this guy as an idiot, but there was one interesting tidbit that made someone I know a little too curious. Apparently this guy paid 2 girls to have sex with each other on camera 3 years ago when he was 18 and made some money by selling his first "movie" on EBAY. The article recounts that he paid each girl $100 which they "needed for rent" and goes on to mention that they were Temple students. EEEEERRRRRRRR. It was at this point that my brother Dan put on the brakes and repeated back to himself, "Temple students?" Since Dan is on the verge of graduating from Temple, I guess you could say that curiousity caught the cat. The thrill of wondering if he knows these girls was too much for Dan to take and he decided to check out this Asian porn king's pathetic website to catch of glimpse of these deseperate chicks. What I don't think Dan was planning to see was his ex-girlfriend getting finger banged by some other girl in a dingy hotel bed. Adding to the creepines factor, the timeline suggests that this movie was made right after he and she went their separate ways. Yikes.

Having watched a little snippet of this movie myself, I can honestly say that I don't think I like the idea of knowing the participants. I had odd dreams last night about the whole situation and I know that my brother is wrestling with the idea that he once dated a "porn star" which for some can be a trophy and for others shameful. I can recall this particular girl at my house hanging out with my high school sisters, eating dinner at my folk's dinner table, being smart and funny and sweet. Even though the break up was bad, it was between brother Dan and her, my memory of her was just little things. Now that's all changed. I don't judge her, I just have a desire to hear her explain her actions. It's like I want her to be a freak who doesn't give a shit, not some confused girl that did something "cool" for the thrill or money or because she was drunk. But not knowing is the hard part. And I'm not so sure she's going to shed any light on the situation. Last I heard brother Dan sent a rather pointed email her way giving her the heads up that she is celebrity status this week in Philly, a city that she no longer resides in. I guess I'll never look at porn again and hope that I recognize the participants. I'll just look at the porn for porn's sake.

Good Old Fashion Ramblings

Heidi Klum got engaged to Seal. Holy shit. That so makes me feel less hopeless than I felt five minutes ago. Seal gets the girl. You go Seal. Fuck those naysayers who think those facial scars of yours make you less of a man. You got pipes, and probably a killer personality....just like someone I know. Maybe this means I should start thinking about who I'm gonna get to say yes one day. Well let's not get nuts.

Ever watch Design on a Dime? It's on HGTV. I find myself watching a lot of HGTV for some reason. It's funny because I don't own a house nor do I plan on ever owning one, but I love remodeling and interior design shit. Anyway, there is a chick that hosts one of the versions of Design on a Dime that I'm just smitten with. Kristan Cunningham I want to have your baby bitch.

That chick on Growing up Gotti is a tranny. I'm serious. It's fucking nasty having to watch her and those fucking gumba kids being all "thug." That show can go.

Who else watches Project Runway besides me? I'm such a fucking loser. Bravo has the worst fucking excuses for reality shows, i.e. Blown Dry or Queer Eye, yet I keep watching their shit.

I watched Who's Your Daddy on FOX last night. It was awful, but not in the exploitative way that I thought it would be. It was so synthetic. The chick looking for her Daddy was a Playmate who wants to be an actress and it just seemed like she was playing to the camera...as if she didn't even care about finding her real Dad. Her objectives were like Money, Fame and Dad in that order and like I always say when I defend the garbage that FOX comes up with, you can't have shit like that without some idiot who is willing to do it. There ain't no midget bachelor without a willing midget. You dig?

Is that Ozzy singing the theme song to Dog The Bounty Hunter on A&E? Oh my.

In the past 2 weeks I have gotten three amazing presents from three amazing chicks that work with me. Syd got me Garden State on DVD, the 2nd best movie of 2004. (Eternal Sunshine is 1) Kate got me Almost Blue by Elvis Costello, an amazing double disc of the Costello Country era. Robin impressed me with her musical palatte and got me the latest Wilco offering and continues to bring up music in emails that I would never think that she would like, and I love it. All of these gals are awesome. Sincerely.

And finally this evening, I think I found a place to live. A good friend has a room to let in her 2 bedroom house and since house hunting has slowed down and perhaps ended, I need to move into crisis mode as February 1 looms. Brother Mike will be sad to see me "drop" out as they say, but I think he'd rather not have a border when he's renting. It was always about helping my brother pay his mortgage...and if there's no mortgage, it's best I step aside and allow him to find a nice house he can rent. He needs to live like a family again. So yeah, assuming this all goes down, I'll be shacking up down the street in Manayunk still. I'm excited to begin anew and sad to see it end all at once.

Chinese Movies and Target, A Deadly Combo

Went and saw House of Flying Daggers today at the local mulitplex. Been burning through those movie passes from XMAS. I honestly think I may have finally had my fill of these Crouching Tiger wannabes. This one was weak. Soap Opera love story, not enough action and some really drawn out scenes that you just wanted to see end already. Like most of these new breed Chinese movies, the action when it did occur was visually stunning. But not as much as it was when Crouching Tiger first came out. It's become kind of expected, the flying over trees nonsense. I loved the colors and the sound editing was amazing, but I'm giving this one a C. I should have seen A Very Long Engagement instead.

Target was insane. Looks like everyone is out getting those containers to put away the XMAS decorations for next year. I was there to get containers for my eminent move and some odds and ends. Target is a store that you could literally get lost in. I start to get all dazed and overwhelmed. I enventually make it to the check out line and it's almost like a mystery when I'm pulling out of my cart. Did I need a water bottle? It was a dollar. Did I really buy 1 jar of pasta sauce? Yes I did. I'm a clown.

Got my car washed finally. Been about 4 months since that happened. I couldn't see out the windshield, so it was time. Didn't get my hair cut which was tops on the list today. I'm wolfing hard. Gotta get bladed tomorrow. First thing.

Code 46

The first movie I watched in 2005 was the spooky sci-fi romance Code 46 with Tim Robbins and the lovely Samantha Morton. The film was ambitious, but failed to deliver like I think it could have. Set in the near future, the film deals with Code 46, a law that forbids sex between people who due to cloning share either partial or full DNA similiarities. Interesting. Add in some exotic locales like Shanghi, Dubai and dialogue peppered with french, spanish and arabic (I'm assuming to show that in the future language has become global) and you have quite an undertaking for a guy like director Michael Winterbottom. (24 Hour Party People) In any case, Mike is up for the challenge, but I think the script is too thin. There isn't enough to chew on. I wasn't as bothered by the lack of chemistry between Robbins and Morton like some critics were, but I do think watching Tim Robbins make love to not only Morton, but another actress as well, is kind of creepy. Not as creepy as fucking Susan Sarandon I suppose.

The visuals are awesome and the final shots of the dessert set to Coldplay are really stunning. But I wanted more. It was like a light version of Eternal Sunshine, a movie that deals with memory erasing from a different angle. Oh wait, I left out the memory erasing element of Code 46. So apparently if you violate the code and bang someone who shares your DNA, they whisk you off and erase your memory of the event. And abort your fetus should your liaison lead to procreation status. Like I said, spooky. If you did sci-fi themes and don't mind slower moving pictures a la Solaris, then rent this shit. I ain't saying I'm sorry I watched, I'm just saying I won't be watching it again.

New Year....New Attitude?

Later 2004. It was nice knowing you, but I can't say I'll miss you. Well that's not entirely true. 2004 was an odd year in my life. I spent half of it as a stock broker and half of it working in women's fashion. Both had an effect on my life and I'm happy to be where I am right now. 2004 was the year I rebounded from being unemployed for most of 2003. I'm not sure that I grew up any this past year, but I'm finally comfortable with my job.

I spent all of 2004 smoke and fast food free, so that kind of ruled. I am not usually a very strong minded person, so this was quite a feat for me. I would like to think that 2005 is the year I finally focus on my weight loss, but I'm thinking that at 33 it's not going to be easy. And I'm kind of okay being the fat guy. Sometimes it sucks, but I'm pretty comfortable with who I am. I have a dazzling personality, so it all balances out. Bottom line is that I would rather be funny and honest then be a skinny bore.

Last night I capped off the year with all of my roommates while we celebrated both the New Year and my friend Noele's 21st birthday. A rather small affair, considering that Noele's so called "friends" blew her off to go to a place called the Nutty Irishman (I mean SERIOUSLY). But party we did. Click this post to see the photos...apologies for the red eye.

In addition to the usual drunken shenanigans I did what any normal drunk would do and made up with someone that I had been fueding with for quite a while in between shots of vodka and sips of champange. What is it about New Year's Eve that makes everyone get so nice? I'm not saying I regret my decision to kiss and make up, but I honestly didn't see it coming. I was planning on being an obnoxious asshole towards this person the entire evening and before I know it I'm hugging her and apologizing and hoping that we can just go back to normal. Fucking booze. The way I figure it, life's too short to be fucking mad at people all the time. So maybe this is my new year's resolution, be more tolerant of people's actions.

Today I've been a puking mess and I can't say that I'm bothered by it. I have nothing to do and no desire to do anything anyway. I'm relaxing before I fully embrace 2005 and all that it has to offer. I hope you all had a wonderful celebration last night and that 2005 brings you much luck, love and happiness.

Dammit All To Hell

Having off from work has it's perks, like no work for instance, but apparently it has it's downsides as well. Let me give you an example. I was off for 4 days and returned to work at 4 PM yesterday only to find out that I was officially put back on the schedule for New Year's Eve, a day that we were closed and that we are now open. Apparently we are also open on New Year's Day so I guess it could be worse. What I don't like is how this little plan was hatched on Monday and I found on when I got in the office on Wednesday. Did anyone ever hear of a phone? What if I was going out of town? I do have on until the 4th of January, so it wouldn't be preposterous that I was leaving town.

Well this little snafu seals the deal that I am definitely not going away for new year's. My choices are narrowing down and I guess at some point I'll have to decide what to do. Since I'm about to go to work until 10 PM tonight and I'm back in at 10 AM tomorrow morning, I guess I won't be making said decision until the last fucking minute.

Things are also looking dreadful on the living front. My lease is up in 32 days and the dream of living in Brother Mike's new house are falling apart. Mainly due to the fact that there is no new house to live in. I have to consider renting, the financially aspect of that and whether or not I want to live with people. I also have a car which plays a role in where I can go. I forgot how much I dislike moving. I'm so unprepared. FUCK!

And....We're Back

I kind of took some time off from yapping about my daily grind and instead tried to enjoy my time off from work. A quick recap of the last 48 hours of my life goes something like this:

Watched the Door in the Floor on Sunday night. Ugh. Dreadful. Usually I like John Irving stories (Garp, Cider House, Simon Birch) but this one was just sad. Jeff Bridges is better than the material that's for sure.

Monday I went shopping. Got a pair of jeans at Old Navy for cheap. Got a hoodie that makes me look like a piece of sausage the way it encases me. But it was $13. Quite a deal even if it doesn't fit. Subsequently I wore the jeans I bought and went on to Old Navy dot com and bought 3 more pairs of pants that should come shortly in the mail. I have been rocking the same two pairs of pants since about April and they are about to fall off me, so this purchase of pants is long overdue. Slid over to Best Buy after the Old Navy purchase and tried to eye up something to get with my $150 in gift cards. I decided to hold off until I find a new place to live to see if I will need any appliances, namely a microwave. Instead I grabbed a 10 pack of CD-R's for $8 and made several impulsive buys near the register of movies that I think I like. Or at least I remember liking them...and they were all $6.00...and I used a gift card, so back off. The Gauntlet by Clint Eastwood, Best Laid Plans, the original Night of the Living Dead and Logan's Run. Knowing me, I will never actually view these DVDs, it's all about the ownership. I have quite a few movies that I have yet to watch that I have owned for years. It's amazing how they put shit up by the register that just begs to be purchased.

Monday night I went to see Life Aquatic with a couple friends. I think we were all in agreement that it was good, but not Wes Anderson's best work. I laughed, but not enough. I loved the look and the cast, it's just I was hopping for a quicker pace and more comedy. In any case, it was nice to go out as a group and I got to see some people I haven't seen in a while.

Monday night (continued) we watched the Eagles get whooped on Monday Night Football, drank some beers and played the What the Fuck drinking game for the second time. Listened to the really good Wicker Park soundtrack in the background.

Today I went to the mall with my sister Candace. I had gotten a watch that didn't fit my meaty wrist for XMAS from my stepfather and had to exchange it. I managed to get a watch I like, that fits and a credit of $16.00 that I could give my stepfather. Nice job! My sister had shit to return to Lane Bryant which is a creepy store. Lots of big bras and panties and pastels. On our way out of the mall, I couldn't help myself and "had" to stop in Bath and Body Works. I told myself I was just going to grab a loofa...$32 later I wound up with enough products for people to question my sexuality. I have always maintained the philosophy that if you can't get a girl to share your bed, at least you can make it smell like you do. I'm a sucker for body splash, fancy soaps, candles, all things fem. It's kind of sad actually.

Tomorrow I return to work. Yikes. Thankfully it's only for 2 days and then I'm off again for a few days. I still have no idea what I am doing for New Year's Eve and frankly I don't care all that much. I think it's a highly overrated holiday. I'm sure something will come up and I'll manage to enjoy it. Go with the flow...

Unwrapped

Ah, XMAS. It's over. This one is in the can and no one seems to have been hurt by the making of it. This is quite a feat for my family. Usually a fight or two develops that forces us all to choose sides or at the very least belittle the participant on the opposite side of ours to death. Not this year. Apparently my brothers sat down my stepfather the eve before the eve and put some sense in his ear. Flashback: this past Thanksgiving a fist fight almost broke out between my stepfather and his younger sister, my aunt. This was five minutes into the holiday dinner. I think everyone was bracing for a repeat performance...

Alas, no such luck. Everyone behaved themselves almost to the point of boredom. At various points, I was on the verge of throwing a fit just to spice things up a bit. My family has a nasty habit of not telling me what the plans for the holiday are and this year I was shocked to find out on XMAS Eve that we were not having dinner at my Grandmother's house on XMAS Day which is customary. Instead we were eating the XMAS meal at my stepfather's wife's sister's house. Now of course, my Grandmother played on the fact that I'm out of the loop and threw in her offer to eat at her house on XMAS morning more or less to try and piss off my stepfather's wife. Considering that both parties didn't decide to call me ahead of time and invite me anywhere, I was tempted to just not go anywhere and head home to eat tuna from a can by myself. But then I realized that this behavior isn't new, I haven't been invited anywhere from my family in so long that it has become "the way."

XMAS Eve was the pollyanna unveiling amongst my siblings. Everyone agreed this year that we MUST go back to picking names from a hat around Thanksgiving because the "grab bag" method just blows. Nobody understands the rules and some of the gifts were geared too much toward a particular gender which is no one's fault. In any case, I escaped with a Best Buy card for $50....and put forth a Target card for the same that Brother Mike swallowed up. The rest of the night consisted of seeing old faces from the neighborhood that pop in this one time a year to visit and a quick stop over at my roommate's parent's house down the block.

XMAS morning is was low key. I arrived late enough to miss the little kids tearing apart their presents. (I have a sister that is 2 and Brother Mike who lives at the old childhood home has that little stud Mikey.) But made it in time to take part in the feast we call breakfast. I got to open my gifts and then we watched Elf before dinner at the aforementioned stepfather's wife's sister's house. I love Elf as the new staple of XMAS. Move over A Christmas Story...

Dinner was brief, we rolled out as soon as our plates were empty to make an appearance at Granny's house before we hit up a movie at the suburbian multiplex. Our selection this year was Spanglish which is a great movie for a 13 year old girl. I'm not saying it was bad, but it was like Stella or My Girl....a mixture of comedy, drama and pre-teen subplots that are just hard for me to relate to. Paz Vega was hot, Tea Leoni was good as a bitch and Adam Sandler proved he can act in something that doesn't require a baby voice. It was a compromise since my sisters (3 of them between 19-20) just don't get Wes Anderson. I have no choice but to check out Life Aquatic over the next 3 days while I'm off from work. The important thing was that we made it to the movie this holiday...our tradition is back on track.

A recap of my XMAS gifts:

1. $190 cash
2. $100 to Best Buy
3. King of Queens Season 1 on DVD
4. $50 to Regal Cinema
5. 2 Shirts and a watch
6. $50 to Best Buy
7. David Sedaris' latest book
8. Eternal Sunshine on DVD
9. A Wine Tasting Guide
10. Discovered Covered by the Late Great Daniel Johnston
11. $25 to AMC Cinema
12. Wilco: A Ghost is Born
13. Elvis Costello: Almost Blue Enhanced CD

I'm sure there will be some more gifts trickling in over the next couple days. But I'm pretty satisfied with my lot. Giving is the fun part, getting them is gravy in my opinion.

Oh well. It's time to do something for me today. I'm done with the family shenanigans for now. I need to relax, unwind and visit with some folks. And do wash. Lots of laundry to do. XMAS is over.

Can't Fake The Funk

And can't shake the sick. I'm back to feeling like hell again today. Stuffy, achy and generally feeling ill. I was pooping liquid at work all yesterday, so I knew something was up. I guess I got a nasty cold/flu/yucky stuff thing that is going to stick around for the xmas joy. After the debacle that was Thanksgiving for my family, I can't wait to see what is going to go down this weekend. I plan on staying on the sidelines. Possibly with a fever.

Went and saw Oceans 12 with Brother Mike today. Hadn't been to a movie with Mike in probably a few years now. Those guys probably had the best time making that movie. It reeked of fun. The plot was thin in spots, but overall I enjoyed it. I like the rapport those guys have with each other. I loved the cameos, the Julie Roberts plot line, the one liners by Scott Caan, Casey Affleck and Eliot Gould. They could have done more with Carl Reiner and Bernie Mac, but with a movie like this you aren't going for character development. You are going for sheer entertainment value. And in that capacity it delivers.

Catherine Zeta Jones is smoking hot. Again. I really don't like her, but man is she pretty. She's like movie star pretty. Julia Roberts is earning new respect for me lately. She looks like shit in this movie, just like she did in Closer. And I like that about her. She's like "fuck it, I'm over this Pretty Woman shit." You gotta respect that.

Tonight is household Pollyanna at the Ridge. I'm looking forward to it. What I'm not looking forward to is working 9-3 tomorrow. I have a feeling it will be non-stop complaint calls from people who were expecting their packages/giftcards before the holiday. I can't recall the last time I got up before 10 AM, so this should be interesting. Guess I'll chug some Nyquil tonight to put me out. I fucking need it. (Cough)

What the hell?

I laughed until I almost cried.

McGlincheys

It has been about 5 years at least since I stepped foot into the old dive bar in the city that I spent every Thursday night of my late teens/early twenties. Since my dear friend Rob was in from San Fran for the holiday and he was along side me for many of those Thursday nights and because I work literally 4 blocks away from it, we decided to take a trip down memory lane at Midnight last night and visit old McGlincheys for a couple brews.

Oh my God how some things never change. The decor is the same as it was 10 years ago. The guy working at the door is an old bike courier who used to be in there drinking like I was back in the day. Houston was bartending still. It was ridiculous how much this place fit like an old tee shirt you find tucked away in your attic. Even the way my clothes reeked of cigarettes when I came home was something I had long forgotten.

I had a couple $1.90 pints of Rolling Rock (a beer you have to drink when you go to McGlincheys) and took a piss in the entirely too small nasty ass bathroom. The lights came on at 2 AM and we got kicked out into the cold where the homeless await you to beg for money and most of the patrons sway to their locked bikes to try and maintian their balance for the short ride home to west or south philly.

Complete and utter nostalgia my friends. Or Deja Vu. In any case, it was really nice and comfortable. And seeing Rob, which happens only once a year these days, was brief but fulfilling. We are such good friends that it is easy to just talk about the good old days, or movies, or our current lives with such ease. His baby sis, Beth, was along for the visit as she has managed to be for the last couple of holiday get togethers. I don't think I know two finer people. A great end to a long day.

Tonya from Real World Chicago?

Holidaze Volume 1

Fake XMAS at my sister's in the god awful state of Jersey is officially a part of history now. I'm still aching from my flu(?) that came upon me on Friday and I spent much of the weekend in a Robitusin stupor, but it all turned out okay. I was happy to see my Dad and as per usual he went a shade overboard on his gift giving. My sister's kids are spoiled rotten to begin with, but Grandpa Joe just adds more fuel to the fire when he shows up with a car load full of toys that make the most unbearable noises. Is a talking bank necessary?

I was happy with my gifts for Dad this year, mainly because I decided against anything golf related. Over the last 10 years I have given a golf related gift to my Dad for every birthday, XMAS and Father's Day. It was time to let my sister be the bearer of golf balls and golf themed goodies. Instead, I turned to DVDs, something he will appreciate when he retires shortly. You can't golf every day. So I got him Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 1, About Schmidt and the complete The Office Series which I think he was happy about. Curb's a no-brainer, who doesn't like Curb? I was a little worried about the Office since he hasn't seen it, but I know he will like it. About Schmidt I know he likes. And as a bonus he saw Sideways last week and was raving about it, so the idea of a different Alexander Payne movie fit in nicely.

Despite having a prearranged agreement that I would get nothing for XMAS due to a loan I took from him for a tax situation I got myself into earlier this year, my Dad opted to get me a couple gifts. That bastard. I wound up with King of Queens Season 1 on DVD (this show is a constant talking point between the two of us as we both see a little of Doug in ourselves), $50 in cold hard cash, $100 Best Buy Gift Card and $50 to Regal Cinemas. Not bad at all. I'll tell you what, that guy is alright.

I was sad to see my dear old Dad's hopes of winning my fantasy football league wash away today. And not just because I know he would have tipped me nicely as comissioner. The man was so into it. I was happy that I was out of the playoffs so I could just sit back and watch the games. The poor guy did nothing but pace for an hour today checking his scores to see how bad he was getting beat by. There's always next year.

I'm Sick

I'm run down to the point that I am officially sick now.

I just came off of two 9 1/2 hours shifts at work in the last 28 hours and all day long my throat was scratchy and I was irritable. I think not having the heat on last night coupled with an ice cold shower at 10:20 AM this morning had something to do with it. I have never been so cold in my life than I was today in that shower.

I was just reading over my latest post about the Globes and noticed a hundred spelling errors. I'm blaming my shitty state of health. What sucks is that I was supposed to hit up a party tonight in Old City that would have been SWANK. And instead I'm sniffling away in my room listening to the latest Wilco CD. I could probably still head down there and force myself through the onslaught of whatever this ailment is, but I have to drive to my sister's house for "fake" XMAS tomorrow with my Dad and I kind of want to be in good spirits.

Fuck it in a bucket.

Golden Globes

The Golden Globes nominations came out this past week and I took the liberty of telling you who will win and a whole lot of other pointless shit about the films and television shows nominated. Mind you I haven't even seen most of these films, but I have a lot to say about a lot, so why should this be any different?

Noms for Best Picture, Drama: "The Aviator," "Closer," "Finding Neverland," "Hotel Rwanda," "Kinsey," "Million Dollar Baby."
Will Win: Finding Neverland

Actress, Drama: Scarlett Johansson, "A Love Song for Bobby Long"; Nicole Kidman, "Birth," Imelda Staunton, "Vera Drake"; Hilary Swank, "Million Dollar Baby"; Uma Thurman, "Kill Bill: Vol. 2."
Will Win: Imelda Staunton. Why? Mike Liegh's films are always wonderfully acted and the foriegn press picks the winner. Imelda is foriegn you know.

Actor, Drama: Javier Bardem, "The Sea Inside"; Don Cheadle, "Hotel Rwanda"; Johnny Depp, "Finding Neverland"; Leonardo DiCaprio, "The Aviator"; Liam Neeson, "Kinsey."
Tough call on this one. Johnny Depp was robbed of an Oscar last year for Pirates, but is his performance stronger than Javier's quadrapalegic? Maybe. I'll take Mr. Depp by a nose.

Picture, Musical or Comedy: "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," "The Incredibles," "Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera," "Ray," "Sideways."
Another very tough call. Sideways was such a good movie, but I am in love with Eternal Sunshine. Considering that this category has the fucking Pixar junk in it, I'll go with The Incredibles as a winner. Fucking sad.

Actress, Musical or Comedy: Annette Bening, "Being Julia"; Ashley Judd, "De-Lovely"; Emmy Rossum, "Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera," Kate Winslet, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," Renee Zellweger, "Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason."
What garbage. Winslet is amazing, but the Zellwegger can't lose. They love her. (Keep an eye on Bening...)

Actor, Musical or Comedy: Jim Carrey, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"; Jamie Foxx, "Ray"; Paul Giamatti, "Sideways"; Kevin Kline, "De-Lovely"; Kevin Spacey, "Beyond the Sea."
I would have said Jim Carrey hands down until Jamie Foxx showed up in that Ray trailer looking creepily like Mr. Charles and Paul G was given a great lead role finally. In a tight race, I'm going with the breakout performance of Jamie Foxx.

Foreign Language: "The Chorus," France; "House of Flying Daggers," China; "The Motorcycle Diaries," Brazil; "The Sea Inside," Spain; "A Very Long Engagement," France.
Flying Daggers. No doubt.

Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett, "The Aviator"; Laura Linney, "Kinsey"; Virginia Madsen, "Sideways"; Natalie Portman, "Closer"; Meryl Streep, "The Manchurian Candidate."
Portman was a bright spot in Closer for me, but Madsen was resurrected in Sideways. Virginia all the way.

Supporting Actor: David Carradine, "Kill Bill: Vol. 2"; Thomas Haden Church, "Sideways"; Jamie Foxx, "Collateral"; Morgan Freeman, "Million Dollar Baby"; Clive Owen, "Closer."
Foxx has a better chance with Ray than this one. Clive Owen was another bright spot in Closer and was able to go from nice guy, to prick, to down and out flawlessly, but Thomas Haden Church was just too fucking funny not to win this one.

Director: Clint Eastwood, "Million Dollar Baby"; Marc Forster, "Finding Neverland"; Mike Nichols, "Closer"; Alexander Payne, "Sideways"; Martin Scorsese, "The Aviator."
Forster. I don't even know why.

Screenplay: Charlie Kaufman, "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"; John Logan, "The Aviator"; David Magee, "Finding Neverland"; Patrick Marber, "Closer"; Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, "Sideways."
For me, Sunshine and Sideways are a toss up. Kaufman has the edge.

TV

Drama Series: "24," Fox; "Deadwood," HBO; "Lost," ABC; "Nip/Tuck," FX; "The Sopranos," HBO.
Lost is hot right now. I don't watch any of the others, so fuck me.

Actress, Drama Series: Edie Falco, "The Sopranos"; Jennifer Garner, "Alias"; Mariska Hargitay, "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit"; Christine Lahti, "Jack & Bobby"; Joely Richardson, "Nip/Tuck."
Jennifer Garner is hot.

Actor, Drama Series: Michael Chiklis, "The Shield"; Denis Leary, "Rescue Me"; Julian McMahon, "Nip/Tuck"; Ian McShane, "Deadwood"; James Spader, "Boston Legal."
Spader is the man. But they love Chiklis and I'm assuming Leary falls into Chiklis status with a nomination from a show no one watches.

Series, Musical or Comedy: "Arrested Development," Fox; "Desperate Housewives," ABC; "Entourage, HBO; "Sex and the City," HBO; "Will & Grace," NBC.
I loved Entourage, but it's only like 10 episodes long. Arrested Development is the funniest show on TV right now. Fuck those Desperate Housewives. I'm already sick of the hype.

Actress, Musical or Comedy: Marcia Cross, "Desperate Housewives"; Teri Hatcher, "Desperate Housewives"; Felicity Huffman, "Desperate Housewives"; Debra Messing, "Will & Grace"; Sarah Jessica Parker, "Sex and the City."
Does it matter? SJP because Sex is over and all those Housewives cancel each other out.

Actor, Musical or Comedy: Jason Bateman, "Arrested Development"; Zach Braff, "Scrubs"; Larry David, "Curb Your Enthusiasm"; Matt LeBlanc, "Joey"; Tony Shalhoub, "Monk"; Charlie Sheen, "Two and a Half Men."
Incredibly hard choice between Larry David and Jason Bateman for me. I think I'll go with Bateman. But Shaloub seems to win like Chiklis for a show that NO ONE WATCHES!

Supporting Actress, Miniseries, Movie or Series: Drea de Matteo, "The Sopranos"; Anjelica Huston, "Iron Jawed Angels"; Nicollette Sheridan, "Desperate Housewives"; Charlize Theron, "The Life and Death of Peter Sellers"; Emily Watson, "The Life and Death of Peter Sellers."
Didn't de Matteo die on Sopranos. If so, she wins.

Supporting Actor, Miniseries, Movie or Series: Sean Hayes, "Will & Grace"; Michael Imperioli, "The Sopranos"; Jeremy Piven, "Entourage"; Oliver Platt, "Huff"; William Shatner, "Boston Legal."
Jeremy Piven and the Shat are both incredible. Make this one a tie. Pretty please.

Sidenote: Horrible Upcoming Movies

I forgot to rant about this the other day when I came home from Finding Neverland. How is it possible that some movies even get made? Don't the people making the movie realize it's a hunk of shit? If the preview can't interest you, then how do they expect the movie to actually make money once it is released?

There is the movie about a dog that smiles that stars Jeff Daniels as a minister and Dave Matthews as I guess himself. It's fucking dreadful looking, schmaltzy, Disney-esque crap. And then there is the fucking Zebra Seasbiscuit jawn with that hot little girl from Remember the Titans (man is she growing up fine....but verging on those ackward teen years of 16-18 as evidenced by the preview for this one....sort of like a female version of Haley Joel Osment in Secondhand Lions.) and Raising Helen. This one features talking animals, including the smart ass flies played by David Spade and that the tall King Of Comedy guy who hosted Showtime at the Apollo. This movie couldn't look worse if it tried. Now don't get me wrong, I do fully understand that these movies are geared towards kids and that I probably am not their target market. It just makes me angry when I know that there is a really good indie that might not get a shot at exposure because a company has invested millions in crap like Racing Stripes or Fucking Dog Smile at the Winn Dixie. A movie like A Very Long Engagement or the Woodsmen should be at every other mulitplex, not National Treasure.

I'm working on handicapping the Golden Globes, so stay tuned for future "the state of cinema" diatribes from me.

Cat and Mouse

Watched Infernal Affairs last night in the wee hours. Pretty cool Japanese movie centered on two moles, one is a cop infiltrating the Triads (Japanese Mafia) and the other is a triad who is a cop. Very intricate plot, clever cat and mouse game between the two operatives who don't know who the other is and are both trying not to get caught. I have been informed that this movie has 2 more chapters, one of which is a prequel that is quite good as well. I'm considering renting the whole series to see how this story develops. One word of warning, Japanese music is awful. It all sounds like that horrible karaoke backing track shit you hear in those Chinatown karaoke bars.

It's Over, or Has It Begun?

A full ten days until the Eve of Christmas and I am done with my shopping. A world record for me. Usually I have at least one or two hold out gifts that I need as the day looms large, but not this year. I probably spent more than I should, and I know I bought for way too many people I shouldn't have, but it's all good. I think everyone will enjoy what I've managed to procure them this year. I have written all my cards (well over 100 this year) and wrapped 90% of the gifts, so now I can go on cruise control and start handing them out.

In other Holly Jolly news, looks like I will be donning a Santa Suit for the ladies at work some time in the near future. The price one must pay for being rotund enough. Since I appear to be in good spirits this year, I guess it's only befitting that I sweat in that red straight jacket for everyone's amusement. I'm sure the kids will be lining up to sit on my lap and tell me what they want from Santa. God help me.

Work is getting hairy. Guess all those last minute shoppers are losing their patience...I'm sure that someone's holiday will be ruined by the likes of me. I have the power to make or break some teenage rich kids life this year and I intend to use it. "I'm sorry, your Ask Yoda doll won't be making it on time....no really I am."

To celebrate my completion of shopping for the holiday, I took in Finding Neverland today. (Ah, AMC giftcards...I love you.) Well, Mr. Depp has done it again, another superb performance. I cried like a little bitch about mid way into it, even though I'm not that big a fan of Peter Pan the story. It's mushy and fantastical, so if you like that type of crap, go see it. I did find it funny that Dustin Hoffman played the producer of JM Barrie's plays in the film and was once Hook in that crappy Robin Williams movie. Hmmm, interesting casting choice I suppose. My only word of warning, don't expect to see Kate Winslet looking her finest. Dumpy and dying she is. (oops....)

Another Gem From The Crucial Brutal Gang

Smooth Sailing

Well, it's another weekend of working the closing shift at work both Saturday and Sunday night. Can't complain since it's been relatively relaxed cosidering it's retail and we're less than 2 weeks from XMAS. When I work until midnight on the weekends I really start to feel detached from the real world. So many people are doing things on their weekend and I'm just going to work like it's Monday morning. Oh well, I'm off this coming weekend and will be celebrating XMAS early with my Dad over in Jersey at my sister's crib. I'm really looking forward to the holidays this year. I have no idea why? This post is utter bullshit and I'm going to end it right now.

Dating and the Modern Man

So tonight I went on a date. It's been years since I have actually gone on a date, so I wasn't sure what to expect, but I'm happy to report that it was fine. Nothing overly romantic, just nice flowing conversation and enjoyable food. Oddly enough, I managed to eat Morrocan food without shitting my pants. (The half bottle of Pepto washing down 2 Imodium on the drive to her place probably helped with that.) The downer was that we chose to see Closer at the Ritz and it was absolute shit. Great actors, great director, horrible movie. Not a likable character in the bunch. Clive Owen has some killer lines however.

It was nice to get back on the dating horse. It went well and I'm happy about that. Good for me.

My Head Just Exploded. (Yeah...that HEAD)

Cheers to Ralph @ CrucialBrutal for posting this.

CONICELLI FUCK YOU!

The other day I got a junk email from the car dealership that I purchased my ECHO from and I decided to send them back a nasty email about their constant bombardment of letters and emails to a guy that they fucked over. I paid for floormats that never came in the mail and it's been over a year. Anyway, read the emails below and laugh hysterically. Now.


Dear Mr. Richard:

I received your e-mail today and I was very upset that you are obviously unhappy with our dealership.  I went back and read your first e-mail that was received on 4-14-04.  I never personally received this e-mail. It went right to the salesperson and I was never given the opportunity to help you.

I am very sorry for any inconvenience you may have experienced. It is very upsetting to receive an e-mail that displays such anger from one of our customers.

We do care very much about our customer and I can assure you that, I can still help, I will. Please let me know what I can do. My email address is lconicelli@conicelliautoplex.com.

Thank you,
UNSIGNED


Dear Mr. Conicelli,

I appreciate the concern, although I am quite skeptical that there is any meaning behind it. I bought a car from Larry Palmer over a year ago. When I bought the car, he said that someone had stolen the floor mats from the car in the lot, but it was no problem...he would have a set sent to my house direct from Toyota.

After waiting about a month, I followed up. After all, I did pay for the mats. It wasn't like I was cut a break for the car missing them or anything. So Larry goes over the instructions he gave to Toyota and apparently he provided an incorrect house number for my address. A case of not being able to read his own handwriting. He left me with the idea that he would take care of getting them re-sent to the proper address lickety split.

Fast forward to the end of another month with no mats arriving. I made calls to Larry that went unanswered. I have emailed. I have mailed letters. You guys send out so much propaganda about how NICE you are...when I first bought the car, I got literally 15 letters from every employee there...but when I send in a letter, or email or make a call...NOTHING. It's sad. I paid for mats, didn't get them. Larry Palmer is an asshole. (Sorry, but he is...and I bet he doens't even work there anymore based on his history which I had to hear about endlessly on my test drive.)

This was my first car purchase on my own at the age of 31. I was gullible and took the Conicelli name to mean something more than it did. What's funny is that when I first came home with my new car and told my Dad about the mats, his words to me were....DID YOU GET IT IN WRITING THAT THEY WOULD SEND YOU A SET? I said no. And he said, YOU'LL NEVER SEE THEM. I thought otherwise. Looks like Father Knows Best afterall.

I honestly don't care what you do about this situation now. I can live without floor mats. But trust me. You'll never see my face again....not for service, not for another car, not if my life depended on it. I constantly warn people to avoid the Conicelli name at all costs, which isn't much, but it's the only leverage I have. You care about customer loyalty and increasing market share....and I'm gonna try what I can to make sure that both are that much harder. One man vs. the Goliath. Oh well. It's all I can do.

Thanks,
Scott Richard
Proud Toyota Echo Owner (minus floormats)
Former Conicelli Customer