I'm Emo. Ok?

I've taken some ribbing lately about being emo because I'm comfortable opening discussing my dissatisfaction with my love life. I busted out my trusty Astrology book last night, it's something I consult to remind myself of why I'm so fucked in life, and as usual I confirmed my suspicions that I'm just destined to be a nut job. A lonely nut job at that.

Among other things, I came across this tid bit:

"Scorpio's relationships are usually complicated. This is not surprising when you consider that Scorp's can be simultaneously generous and affectionate; violent and unpredictable; in the sunniest of moods there is always a hint of an imminent change in the weather. Scorpio's are deeply loyal to friends but are also intensely jealous and possessive. Scorp's cannot tolerate the thought that anyone he loves might have a yearning, or even a simple yen, for anyone else. With Scorp's it's usually all or nothing at all. Moderation and restraint are not in Scorp's emotional vocabulary."

So apparently I'm not really into anyone of the opposite sex talking to my female friends which would explain why I feel on a constant roid rage when I go out here with Joolie and Sydney. This type of behavior is not winning me any points with either of them, but I honestly can say that I don't feel like I have any ability to control my emotions when it surfaces. I'm so fucking insecure to begin with, and then you pepper in what the stars are doing to me and I'm basically screwed.

Anyway, I page on to the chapter about my Amorous Nature to see if there's any hope and here's what I discover. Or rather, here's what I already knew written down in painstaking detail.

"Scorpio has so much energy and passion you'll have no trouble seducing him - if that's what you want. What is harder is to form a relationship with him. This is not because he doesn't want a relationship, for it is, in fact, exactly what he does want. He is an intensely sensitive man who can be easily hurt and who often feels lonely and unfulfilled. The problem is that jealousies and unexpressed angers are very difficult to live with. In matters of love he always knows the cost of what he wants. If the cost is too high - emotionally, financially, or otherwise - he won't haggle. He'll simply walk away. The Scorpio man is secretive and hard to fathom, although he often appears likeable, affable, easygoing. What you see on the surface is what he wants you to see. But even when he is being most amiable, and he can be, there's a simmering danger to this man."

I sound like a fucking lunatic. No wonder women don't want anything to do with me. It all makes sense now, I ooze like a jerk off pheromone that repels women. Things got progressively worse when I started to go through the various star signs of the women in my life to try and make sense of why things don't seem to connect between us. Most scenario's point to my insane jealousy being too much for most signs to handle, with the harshest words reserved for a union between Scorpio and Sagittarius. "An affair without a future." Ouch. That hurts.

Now I was at the point in my reading when I pretty much had decided that my fate was sealed, I'm never going to fall in love or be happy. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, I always say too much or the wrong thing. On the one hand, I'm giving and loyal and I'm committed, but on the other hand I'm so intense it's like a stalker. Not intentionally, as indicated by my findings, but nonetheless, this behavior is killing my sex life. Why does a guy who wants to be with a woman and breathe her in and spend his time, money and hopes with have to be seen as possessive or jealous? What a bum rap.

Lest you think I'm all bad, I made it a point to find something in this fucking book that says some good things about the Scorpio. Yeah, I know we are intense, obsessive, fiercely competitive, but all of these qualities seem like double edge swords. And don't really roll off the tongue as redeemable or likeable qualities.

After much scouring, I came upon this passage that I'm hoping saves me a little. When I read it, I was like "hey, that's me!" Well, I said that about pretty much everything I read, but this part I was proud of saying it.

"Suspicious and wary, you are reluctant to trust your heart to anyone. But once you do, you love deeply."

Okay, so it's like a back handed compliment, but I'm reaching here people. My other choice was "Scorpio needs a positive avenue of expression-in career or love or creative achievement - or your feelings turn inward, become imprisoned, at times even destructive," which doesn't say much at all on the positivity front.

In closing, I'd like to say that yes, I'm slightly emo. Okay, maybe more than slightly. But it's not my fault. The ending paragraph in the chapter that describes Scorpios reads...

"What all Scorpios have in common is intensity of feeling. Emotion not only rules, it characterizes you. You are passionate in love, and passionate about everything in which you become involved: work, relationships, hobbies, causes."