New Feature: Teen Movie Slut of the Week

For those of you who know me, you understand my fascination with young film starlets. Well, maybe understand isn’t the right word. Let’s say you are aware of this fascination. For those who don’t, let me explain. If someone who knew me for about 10 minutes were asked to describe me to the police, it would go something like this…

“He’s fat”

“Anything else?”

“He wears glasses.”

“Anything else?”

“He’s into teenage girls.”

There you have it. I’m not shy about admitting that I have a hearty appetite for young females of the over 16 but under 21 variety. Some have argued that the 16 threshold isn’t as firm as it needs to be. And I will admit on occasion, I may have lowered the bar so to speak when I come across a rare talent. I’m a pig. Sue me.

Getting back to the matter at hand, I thought I would share with you a talented teenage beauty once a week as a way of enlightening the world and giving me a much needed outlet. I will profile them, sprinkle in some of my musings on their career, film choice or looks and then give you a link or two to read up further on them.

On that note, let’s go back to where it all started and discuss a little whore I like to call Dominique Swain.

In 1997 at the age of 17 Dominique was cast as the pre-teen nymphet Dolores Haze in Adrian Lynne’s remake of Lolita. Was it the pigtails or the retainer filled smile that captured my heart? Who can say? All I know is that her performance was intensely sexy and complicated. Unfortunately, this is where she was at her best. She peaked at 17 and hasn’t reached much success since despite churning out a film a year.

Maybe I’m being harsh, but in 1998 Dominique landed the role of Angela in an adaptation of a book I thought was really solid called “Girl.” As I waited, and waited, and waited for this film to be released, I got the sense that it must suck. What I was saddened to find out once I actually rented this straight to video clunker was that the reason it blew so hard, was Ms. Swain was terrible and on top of it horribly miscast.

Soon after the failure of Girl, Swain wound up in a bunch of low rent teen films that are on constant rotation on cable. The Smokers, The Intern and Tart all have 2 things in common. They all feature Dominique and they all suck. However, it was at this point in her career that Dominique was entertaining the idea of showing some skin, something that she wasn’t able to do in Lolita. I waited long and hard for the time to come for Dominique to try and save her career by taking it off on camera, so I was frantically renting all these crappy productions she was turning up in. Little did I know, that when the time came I would be more disappointed by her body than I was by her body of work. New Best Friend came out in 2002, well after her teen years were behind her. Although the promise of a lesbian encounter between Dominique and Mia Kirshner sounds exciting, it was uneventful and rather disappointing. And to top it off, she was looking a little saggy for a young woman.

So there you have it. Dominique peaked at 15, but it was a classic role in a classic movie. Could be worse.