Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Downer

I was feeling good today. Got my new glasses, ate a hearty breakfast a Denny's, read the Philly Weekly and took a long drive. And then I got online and whammo! an instant message from someone that I was not eager to speak to. What is it about girls who fuck you over and then constantly crave forgiveness? Isn't life too short to keep going backwards and trying to sop up some mess you made? You dicked me over! I dealt with, I'm over it. Don't keep trying to get me to be your friend. Here's how the male's mind works.

You rejected me.
I hate you.
You want to be friends.
I can easily reconsider hating you and go back to thinking about fucking you.
(Stay strong dude...)
No, I hate you.

It's simple people. When you find someone that you think has all the qualities that you want in a partner, you do stupid shit. It's better to go out, drink your face off, make sure she did too and lay a smacker on her lips. No fucking waltzing around shit. No pining. This ain't a Shakespeare play, it's a game. Romance and honesty are dead. It's about small talk and flirting.

I'm cool with this person reaching out to me. It's just that now I'm in a lousy mood. I don't get off on telling people that they just weren't the person I thought they were. I don't like causing people pain. I wish I could be friends again. I'm just a weakling...a coward. I'd rather put up a fence than eat shit stew. If I'm your friend again, you win. Not only did I make an ass out of myself, but now I get to be your buddy! A friend with no benefits! You can tell me about your latest crush, or which emo band you are listening to these days! And I get to constantly remember how I felt on the day I opened my mouth every time I look at you or see your messages pop up on my Mac or hear your screeching laugh. I'm weak. And now I'm down. Again.

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