George Lucas writes romantic dialogue like a 13 year old girl. Seriously, I was laughing during every scene between Padame and her lover Ani (aka Darth Vader). "Remember our time by the lake in Naboo, Lover?' Dreadful. Let's move on, because this movie is about betrayal and manipulation, not the love life of Mr. Skywalker.
I've always had a hard time following the plot line in the Star Wars movies. All the names and this one hates that one and so on. Now that 6 movies have been made, if you lay them out end to end they do tell a fascinating story of good vs. evil in the galaxy. Despite my inability to follow at some points, I get the overall picture. I'll even admit it was kind of cool to see Kenobi and Darth in their younger years as friends. But in all reality, looking back on it did you need 6 movies to tell this story? Probably not. And most die hards will agree with that you certainly didn't need Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones at all. I have concerns about the cohesive nature of this franchise 10 years down the line. Yoda in the first 3 films is all CGI magic and then becomes a fucking Muppet in the later stories. Try explaining that to a 10 year old in 2010. I digress.
The new flick, besides being horribly written and overly drawn out, is just kind of anti-climatic. This is the inherent problem with making a couple of prequels to a very successful film franchise like Star Wars. Most of this box office is from people who just want to see what they already know happens realized. I'll admit that's why I went. But come on, is there any excitement watching some lightsaber duels between two characters that you know both live? And not just one battle, but two very complicated and flashy battles, focus on characters that ultimately appear in the later installments.
The excitement of Star Wars when I was kid was not knowing who was going to make it. Like Han Solo getting frozen or Luke getting his arm chopped off, but surviving. These were exciting revelations, the reason you went back to see the next movie was to see if Han was still alive. This movie has nothing like that. We all know what happens. Yoda winds up in some swamp, Obi Won watches over Luke, The Emperor and Darth Vader start working on the Death Star. Even if these events are just alluded to, I still feel kind of played.
The special effects are all kinds of Playstation 2, which is a whole side issue I have with this new series of movies. Give me ships on strings and realistic sword fights over this shit any day. I saw more men over 65 do somersaults in the air in this movie than I would ever care to see. And don't get me started on Lucas' need to make every fucking droid or robot a fucking smart ass. I'm sick of the little asides he throws in with these droids. Maybe I'm just still holding a grudge against him for deciding to go backwards instead of forward? I know plenty of people who are loving this installment of the saga, so maybe it's just me.
In any case, the cat is dead. Somebody locate the culprit, curiosity. And he owes me $9.25 if you find him!
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