Under the Weather

Woke up this morning and it hit me. The nasty plane trips, shaking hands with all kinds of people, kissing relatives (and friends) must have exposed me to some evil illness that has rendered me useless. Sore throat, mucus, it's a cold I suspect. I'm pretty bright like that. Anyway, that made work extra FUN after a 5 day vacation. Looks like everything got taken care of in my absence and the place was a ghost town today. So I can't complain too much. I'm back in there tomorrow morning at 7 AM which is thrilling. And then it's a night in with some champagne, port wine cheese and Red Stripe.

Anyway, here are my photos from the visit home.

Today I spent my Barnes and Noble gift card online. I grabbed the book Superstud, a wall calendar of classic Movie Posters and Leolo on DVD. Maximized the shit out of a $25 gift card. And then I thought about my Best Buy purchase, I'm thinking Sirius Radio (I'm dying listening to Nickelback and Alice in Chains EVERYDAY) or a scanner for those old family photos I just scored. Tomorrow, if I'm able and healthy enough, I will most likely give those Regal Bucks a shot at the theater. King Kong? Brokeback Mountain? Decisions, decisions.

Holiday Trek Home.

Just got back into town from a jaunt to Philly for the XMAS holidays and I am happy to report that I feel refreshed and renewed.

Gifts acquired:

1. The Truth by Al Franken, $30 in ITunes and Oedipus Wrecked by Kevin Keck from Brother Mike (my secret Santa).
2. $100 to Best Buy, $50 to Regal and an authentic Brian Westbrook Eagles' jersey from my Dad.
3 Some Old Navy wear and $50 from the Stepfather.
4. $50 from Grandparents.
5. Family Bonds DVD from Katie Beele
6. Cookies
7. Curve (cologne maybe?)
8. $25 to Barnes and Noble

A recap of the trip would most likely be a boring read, so I'll just go with highlights.

I arrived on XMAS afternoon around 12:30 and had my sister and her family pick me up at the airport. The plan was to surprise my family with an appearance on XMAS since all along I told them I was arriving on 12/26. Mission accomplished. My brothers and sisters were shocked I was there on XMAS and then over at Grandmom's a similar reaction. It was my gift to the family I suppose.

After some family time, I headed to my sister's house in Jersey where my father was waiting for my second round of XMAS delight. Monday night we met up with Dad's side of the family where a pretty heated political discussion unfolded and we spent a good amount of time sorting through family photos left by my Grandmother who passed away a couple years back. Since I have very little in terms of mementos from my youth, it was a thrill to gather up some old snapshots of my youth and my Dad when he was a kid. After Monday night I was through with family obligations and I spent the night downtown at my friend Kate's house. Kate is an amazing friend who used to work for me back in my Philly days and I was dying to see her for about the last month before I made the trip home. Without her friendship over the internet this last six months, I'd be a bigger mess than I am. We spent a nice quiet evening in chatting and watching TV. Tuesday I was forced to sleep at Brother Mike's abode while no one was home since Kate had to work as did everyone else I knew. Tuesday night was the visit with my boys at a watering hole in Upper Darby, followed by another go round at Kate's house Tuesday night. Wednesday was spent watching 8 episodes of the West Wing Season 2 on Kate's couch all fucking day followed by a visit with Myers, Brother Dan and Cousin Todd who moved into a house across the street from my Stepfather. I spent my final night at Todd's new house watching a movie with him and got up this morning and spent the majority of today getting back in town.

Here's the thing about visits home. You never have enough time to please everyone. I felt like I disappointed some people based on the choices I made. With a small window of time to work with I had to use my time wisely. Now I know spending time with Kate isn't something my family thinks is important, but it was vital to me to do. Where I have been for the last 6 months, feeling isolated at times, having many floundering moments with women, I needed to see what time with Kate would do for me. I wanted to know if being around her was the answer. This probably seems all over the place tonight, and I blame jet lag, but Kate and I have flirted for a long time and I've always had a strong bond with her. We have formulated a connection over the past year and a half and me coming back on the heels of Jamie disaster I had to just go for it and see if I could make something happen with Kate. As luck would have it, our connection seems legitimate. Kate is the kind of girl I could fall madly in love with, I know this for a fact. Our time together this past week was amazing and I cannot wait to see her again (which I will no doubt do shortly...). Having been down this road recently and getting hurt hasn't deterred me one bit from putting 100% into something and that was the biggest relief for me. One door closes and another opens I suppose.

Oh well, I'll be sure to post up a photo log of my adventures shortly. I'm not doing much for New Year's Eve, most likely staying in my apartment building and attending a function downstairs. I have work the next 2 days which sucks. And I am scared to be back here in Augusta since I just had a great trip and shit was really bad last time I was in town here. I guess we'll see how it goes...

Holidays

Well, it's Christmas Eve and I'm sitting home alone. But it's okay. I am dealing just fine with my recent let down romantically. I've grown up a lot in this department in the past couple of years, so I don't get my hopes up too high anymore. Last night Jamie and I awkwardly exchanged presents and more than likely said our last goodbye. Putting things in perspective, she doesn't want a boyfriend and I really, really want a girlfriend. A good old fashion recipe for disaster.

I am very hopeful for the future. 2006 just feels like it's gonna be a good one. Maybe I'll get what I want out of life, someone who gets me and accepts me. Someone worth my time and effort. Someone who appreciates what I bring to the table, a giant head, a bigger heart, a nasty sense of humor and questionable ethics. My cyincal nature is just looking to be extinguished by the right person.

Why spend the holidays depressed? I'm gonna pop on Elf, plop in front of the TV and just revel in the idea that I'll be home shortly. My family and friends will no doubt make me feel better about things. Oh wait, no they won't. I haven't been away that long. Ha. But it will be nice to have my balls busted by people who love me. Bring it on fuckers, bring it on.

Happy Holidays.

Merry Fucking XMAS

Get Me Out Of Here!

I cannot wait to be back in Philly for a short stay.

Work sucks.

My personal life sucks.

I need to regroup so that I can begin anew when I come back to Georgia late next week.

Jamie has become what every one told me she would become, and therefore as much as it pains me to say this, I'm deciding that I am not wasting my time on someone who thinks they are entitled to shit on me. Yeah, we had great times together, but in the end if you can explain away all the messed up shit about yourself by saying "I told you I wasn't going to be a walk in the park" then you need time to grow up and decide who it is you want to be. I care for her immensely, but even me being the most supportive fucking doting fucking pussy whipped idiot in the world wasn't enough to stop her from being a liar and destructive individual.

The good news for you all is that mopey, can't find love Skip is back in full effect. So keep reading! This shit could become inspirational again instead of flat out boring. And by inspirational, I mean I'll give you that much needed reason to be alive each day. Just knowing things aren't as bad for you as they are for me should put a smile on everyone's face.

But first, I will try to put on a smiley face for the holidays (something I haven't been capable of doing this entire week due to stress.) and look forward to seeing my family and my friends back in the city of brotherly love. I've got a lot to do in my short amount of time back in Philly, but above all the things I want to do and I'm obligated to do....the thing I am looking most forward to doing is seeing Beele. The timing is impeccible. My life is a train wreck and I know that seeing Beele with make most of it fall away until I have to come back here and deal with it.

Up To My Ears In Shit

Today began with a nice vomit session on the way to work. The stress of the past couple of weeks has gotten to me and I'm at a bit of a breaking point. What's keeping me together right now is that I am on the verge of having some much needed time off for the holidays. Although I feel secure with my job, as hectic and overwhelming as it can be sometimes, I am experiencing an immense amount of turmoil in my life outside of the job. My confusion over what Jamie and I are up to has been lingering there in the distance as I try to focus on a) slaving away at work during the busiest time of year and b) trying not to fuck up perhaps the beginnings of a great relationship with her.

I've shifted a lot of my attention towards Jamie of late and as happy as it makes me, sometimes it feels like I'm the only one actually interested in anything beyond the moment. We have great times together, but eventually situations occur that make me very confused about her ability to contribute to a relationship with me. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, considering that she is coming off a tumultuous relationship, rather a few in a row, and I don't want to push her too hard. To be honest, I am the kind of person who desires so much to be loved that I'm trying not to rock the boat too much on the glimmer of hope that this shit works out for us. And this could be a mistake that I regret for a long time or it could be a very wise decision. The not knowing which it is right now is killing me.

Right now I am experiencing chest pains. Wow. This is awesome.

So much uncertainity is a bitch. And most likely the cause of said chest pains. Is this the work of my overactive brain that doesn't allow me to spend a moment enjoying anything in life? Here I am again detailing the misery of my mundane life instead of just putting on some music and going the fuck to bed. Alternating between episodes of Scrubs on DVD and drunken phone calls from my "friend who is a girl but not my girlfriend" after perhaps the shittiest day of work this year has wound me up and is no doubt the cause of my chest pains. Sprinkle in some late breaking news from back in Philly that should make me happy but only makes me sad, and I've got the makings of a shitty week. And it's merely Tuesday.

Where am I going? What am I doing? Why can't this shit just be easy? I'm a good fucking person, I do everything right. I am always here when I'm needed, fully supportive, 24-7. Why can't I just be rewarded with some fucking normalcy? Why can't I just win on ocassion? At this point I feel like my trip home will be a real test for me, a crossroads if you will. As much as I would love to come home and spout off that I've fallen in love with a super, amazing girl, I don't want to do it unless I feel like this is real. I've been a sucker too many times in my life, and I don't want to go there again.

I've had a crappy day. And maybe I'm not in the best mind set to be dealing with any of this right now. Perhaps I should go to bed, close my eyes and imagine that everything is okay. Maybe I'm just scared about a lot of things and it's making me think too much. Whatever the case is, I don't see me sorting anything out this evening...

Beer is Evil

A week like the one I just had at work forced me to go a touch overboard last night. In honor of Joolie's birthday the gang all met up at Firehouse and the beer was flowing like a river. I have no clue how much money I spent, but I think I had a good time. When I woke up this morning Jamie was in my bed, so I'm guessing that I didn't fuck up too much. Speaking of Jamie, the girl forced me to watch Green Acres Season 1 on Friday night in lieu of going out. She loves that show. Go figure. I bought her Season 2 and 3 on DVD for XMAS which made her oh so delighted. I guess I'll be watching a lot of that show in the future.

Tonight my team at work is getting together for a holiday dinner at some steakhouse. I feel like a bag of shit right now, so I'm hoping I recover over the next 2 hours. Otherwise, this could be a long evening. I guess I'll go back on the couch and watch the Colts win another game. And continue to zone out into a coma like state. Or maybe I should shower? Eh, I'll figure it out.

Horrible Week

This is hell week for me. The push for holiday gift cards for the entire Urban Outfitters website and catalogue divisions across all brands falls on my shoulders. I'm so tired and stressed out that I'm pretty much an asshole to be around 99% of the time. I've never been more anxious to get a holiday over with than I am with XMAS this year. I've managed to get most of my shopping done via the internet, but I've got a couple more things to grab before I can officially say I'm done.

To make matters worse I'm trying to figure out the situation with Punk Rock Baby. What I've learned in the past couple of weeks is that yeah, I like her and yeah, she likes me. And this is all well and good, but I'm concerned that she is super instense about things one day and the next day she is very standoffish and distant. Granted, I'm pretty intense myself, I am more than willing to take things to the next level rather quickly just to see if this can work, so I can't really blame her for being hot and cold. It's just that when I'm with her, man, it's just so good. I want to just stay in those moments for days and enjoy the hell out of it.

I guess I'm just expecting too much too soon. Afterall, she is living with her ex-boyfriend at the moment. The same guy that she was cheating on with me. I know that most folks would say that this is a recipe for disaster, once a cheater always a cheater, and I'd be lying if I said I don't think about that. And when she is cold instead of hot, my mind goes right there. The girl is very friendly with many, many guys, so it's hard for me to imagine that I'm only person who is interested in her. I always tell her that I'm not concerned about her talking or hanging out with other guys, which is partially true. I'm kind of confused about where my boundary is with that anyway? I'm not her boyfriend, so why should I get upset? But at the same time, I really want to be with her and when she says she wants to take it slow, I immediately think that it means "I'm not done weighing my options" and that she is getting ready to just tell me that she's done.

The last week or so we've been discussing the concept of her moving in with me. Mind you, this was her idea. And I've really got zero problems with that situation mainly because I feel great when she's around and if she's around all the time, then maybe I'll be feeling great all the time. Her living situation is not exactly the best in my opinion, the ex-boyfriend, the insecure best friend, dirty living space, and she is about to go to school in the Spring, so I'm thinking living here would be a help to her. Financially she is having some struggles as well, and I know first hand how financial troubles can fuck up your life and make you lose focus. So after some back and forth, I've come to this realization. When she's drunk living with me is the best solution. When she's sober, no way Jose. Now I don't care one way or the other, but when you go down the road of discussing living together before you have even defined what you relationship is....well, it just seems like there is work to be done. I'm fully committed right now to building a future with this girl, and that's a bold statement for me, but I want to know that I'm not wasting my time. I want to feel like I'm working towards something. Maybe I want to take things faster than she does and that is why I'm feeling all weird about shit? Like I said, I have a tendancy to move into the "relationship" stage very quickly. I know the right thing to do is to give her time to deal with her break up, focus on herself, allow us to develop organically as best friends first, but when I come home from a shitty day at work, I selfishly want her to be here for me. Maybe this just proves that I am insecure and in dire need of affection?

I sincerely hope that things with her and I move into the right direction. I feel as though we compliment each other and that we are good together. And I really think "we" can work. You can't rush greatness, now can you? I guess I need to relax and just remember to breathe when the shit gets to thick. Tomorrow is a new day...

Oh- la-la-la-la-la

So Diddy made his band. The girl band that is. Not Da Band, who are most likely going by the moniker DisBanded. Anyway, I'm thrilled to say that my girl Aubrey made the cut. In fact, all the sexy bitches are in the new band. I have an idea for a new Diddy reality show that I'm emailing over to Bad Boy today. It's called Fucking the Band and it stars this latest incarnation and me. I'll never buy a record by this group, but I'll give a video or two a watch and a tug for sure. Good work P. Diddy.

The Catch Up

Guy #1: Ah man, last night was a tough one!
Guy #2: Another one of your famous drunken nights?
Guy #1: No. Another one of my not-so-famous sober nights.

Coinciding with an absolutely critical push at work to make holiday deadlines was a disaster of maximum proportions. Under my watch, I had an employee rob the company blind. Now I would argue that I'm not completely responsible for this event taking place, proper controls were not in place and people who steal are going to find a way, but since I was in charge I have this horrible, nagging feeling that I could do an amazing job the next 5 years and always be labeled as the guy who let this shit happen. To make matters worse, the employee in question was someone I considered an actual friend. It's like getting a nice, hard punch in the stomach. However, I have rebounded from this nightmare, appear to be making it through the holiday season without any further problems and I've assembled a crack team of people to run my gift card operation. Of course, last week and this week are the 2 weeks out of the year that I have to work 10-12 hours a day, so I'm really run down and looking forward to my jaunt home for the holidays. I was so exhausted from the week I just had that I took a nap last night from 9 PM to 10:30 PM, attempted to drink a beer or two and make the scene at some local bars, but I was just too out of it. I did swear off 80's night based on prior experiences, so I guess things have a way of working out.

The reality of my not having any fun last night is more or less tied to something else entirely than feeling exhausted. It seems as though I have made the push into working on a full fledge relationship with a young lady. And this lady friend of mine is out of town this weekend, leaving me lonely and longing. I'm certain I more or less went through the motions to take my mind off of not seeing her. I'm hooked. What can I say? Now I'm not sure that many will approve of my choice in this area of my life, considering what I've written about her in the past, but I'm tyring to make something happen with Punk Rock Baby. I've always wanted to be the type of person who looks past people's flaws and tries to give them the benefit of the doubt, and with Jamie I have the opportunity to do just that. I'm not at the point where I feel the need to explain away every nuance of what I'm feeling and shit, but I know that when I'm with her, when I talk to her, I feel love and it feels fucking good. So I'm going with it. Fuck the naysayers. I've spent so much time wasting away, hoping for something to happen that's not going to happen that it's refreshing to put effort into something that is give and take. I've begun to focus on her and let my desire towards other women fall to the wayside, which I'm sure is a clear indication that I'm falling for this chick.

Jack Johnson : It's always better when we're together.

Yeah, Jamie even has me becoming a fan of Jack Johnson which has caused Brother Dan to say that he was "lighting himself on fire" when I informed him of this very fact. It's been a long time since I felt this way. I love the idea of falling in love and being connected with another person. And although the skeptic in me is always waiting to be hurt, I've decided that I'm going to enjoy the fucking ride this time. If I crash and burn it won't be the first time, so I have coping skills. But what if it's not going to unravel? What if it works out? What if it's the greatest relationship of my life? Guess I'll find out.

Exhaustion

I am there.

Thanklessly long, tiring days worrying about gift cards for the holidays is making me slowly lose it. I woke up yesterday at 5:30 AM freaking out about getting to work early to get started on the day's tasks. The weekend seems so far off yet, but I can assure you when it comes I will be swimming in libations.

For now, I get up, work, come home, sleep. And in between I'm trying to fall in love. This is a story I must save for a day when work hasn't destroyed my very being. What day is it anyway? I'm sure I have some type of bill that I forgot to pay...

Murderball

This documentary about wheel chair rugby is an interesting look at life after tragedy and the complexity of the rivalry between an old USA team player who now coaches the Canadian team and his ex-teammates. The portraits of these athletes is very engrossing and the MTV style of editing/direction makes the sport look more exciting that it actually is. Call me shallow, but mid-way through this movie I was convinced that wheel chair rugby would be the worst thing to ever watch from the tip off to the final buzzer. It's not as brutal as I was expecting, so I was a little let down.

However, seeing these guys regain some normalcy in their lives after horrific car accidents and life threatening childhood illnesses hooked my interest and for that reason I would recommend watching it.

Craziest Week Ever

I made it to Saturday. Thank goodness. This week was incredibly surreal and intense for many reasons, none of which I will go into on this here post. Considering that I don't know who reads this stuff anymore, I would hate to speak about things I shouldn't be. I'll just say that I had some serious challenges crop up at work that have made my life miserable and I've been working like a dog. But it's not all bad, there have been some work developments that are good too. Christmas time is always intense, but my company always tries their best to make you feel like you matter. So getting rewarded when the shit is hitting the fan just added to the surreal nature of the week.

Personally, I've been all over the map too. Constantly examining why I think the way I do about people. Grappling with the issue of love, connection and all that other shit. I guess for me I've just come to a conclusion that anything that is work in that department just isn't fun. So I'm just going to begin enjoying myself and not worry about things to much. I'll say that I have realized what it is like to have someone reciprocate feelings and it feels pretty fucking good. It beats longing for some chick that doesn't make a fucking effort. Ever. Maybe I'm moving into another stage of my life, one where I decide to commit to something, someone and stop trying to make things happen that just aren't possible.

Christmas Craft Time

Who knew that making ornaments was so much fun? I'm guessing three bottles of wine might have had something to do with the element of fun associated with the process, but you cannot deny the power of painting like a pre-schooler either. The act of making ornaments was remarkably simple, yet messy as all hell. Mix some flour, salt and water together, knead, shape and bake. There you have it.

Of course, once they are done baking, that's when the real fun begins! Punk Rock Baby and I used stencils, stamps, brushes, all kinds of shit to paint the most ridiculous ornaments you have ever seen. Now PRB actually has some artistic talent, so hers came out looking marvelous and were very detailed. Me on the other hand, well I made a boob ornament, a piece of poo ornament and various other juvenile themed ones. I did crack and do a couple of traditional ones like a XMAS tree and a wreath, but I would say the overwhelming result was pretty wacky. I took some pictures of them hanging on the tree so you can see what I mean.

A word of caution about drinking and doing arts and crafts. Be careful. It wasn't until Rudolph was hanging on the tree that I noticed that I never gave him antlers. And PRB's Santa has no hands. Minor oversights thanks to Yellow Tail.

Dragging Ass

This weekend I was required to open at work, and as a result I've been ready to fall asleep at 6 PM everyday. Getting up at 6 AM sucks a donkey's cock and I fail to understand how people do it. Maybe it's because my body knows it the weekend and is pissed at me for getting up so friggin' early? All I know is that I can't wait to get this over with and go back to sleeping until at least 6:45 AM. Since I've going to bed around the 10 PM mark, I don't have much to write about.

I'm sad Mr. Miyagi croaked.

I could care less that Nick and Jessica are done.

I haven't seen Rent, but I'm gonna.

I did manage to set up my XMAS tree over the weekend. It's fake, so it really doesn't matter when that fucker goes up. I have some nice Elvis ornaments and silver balls on it right now, but it's looking sparse. Thankfully, I have a friend who is coming over to make ornaments with me out of salt and flower. I know, I know, this crafty shit sounds kind of fem. Let me first say that my mother would be proud of me for braving Michaels Craft Store today by myself like a real man and buying paint and ribbon (amongst other XMAS related crafty things). My Mom was a big fan of making things from scratch when she was alive and I think she would get a kick out of me sitting around making my own ornaments. Or maybe she would just question my sexuality like she did when she was alive? Anyway, I didn't feel that odd in Michaels until the cute register girl asked if I was picking up stuff for my wife and I had to say that I was there on my own, for myself. Awkward.

I'm going to wait until the ornaments are made and hung before I grace you all with a picture of my tree. (The one I'm certain you are dying to see....NOT.) I just hope that my ornament helper doesn't dis me and leave me hanging. I have directions, but I'm not sure I can go it alone. Anytime I try to do something myself I fuck it up. I could tell you about hanging towel racks in my bathrooms this weekend, but I'll spare you the details and myself the embarassing story. Let's just say they are up and sort of functional.

Well, I am on disc one of Scrubs Season 2 and it's funny. So I'm gonna finish that instead of being concerned with how my Eagles or my fantasy football team do today. I'm guessing they either both win or both lose....either way, it's not like it matters.

Turkeylicious!

My first attempt at cooking a turkey was a complete and utter success. This is despite Joolie's doubts that I could pull it off. In all honesty I don't see what the big deal is, you just defrost that bitch, oil her up and plop her in the oven and then go drink for a couple hours.

So yeah, yesterday was the big Thanksgiving holiday dinner at Eric's house. The theme of dressing like an indian or pilgrim never caught on much past Eric, Joolie and myself, but the turnout was impressive. The group assembled was a hodge podge of locals and transplants like myself. This is the first Turkey day I wasn't around my family and it felt kind of odd to tell you the truth. I'm thankful that Eric's house was so welcoming and laid back. The food was excellent and everyone really made an effort to have a good time.

Photos featuring turkeys.

Blackness

Mr. Johnny Cash is one of my few idols. I've always admired those people who are flawed but manage to still break through to the mainstream. And although I'm not religious by any stretch of the imagination, it's the side of Johnny that continually strives for redemption that I feel the most connected with. I've read books about his life, and more importantly spent many lonely nights listening to his music while coming down from a night of drinking. And in those quiet, dark hours we've formulated a wonderful friendship over the years. I've only cried three times when I've heard about the passing of a famous person, and Mr. Cash was one of those. What's ironic to me is that the two other times were when I heard about Roy Orbison dying, a man who had a similar persona to Cash but with a lot less brushes with the evils in life like drugs, and when I heard about River Phoenix overdosing outside the Viper Room when I was in college. Seeing River's baby brother Leaf, now known by Joaquin, portray the man in black and prove that he is a very capable actor only made me think about the lost potential of River even more. But that's a topic for another day, as today is Mr. Cash's day.

Walk The Line is a very cookie cutter musician bio-pic not unlike Ray or The Buddy Holly Story, how on earth do you cram a lifetime of successes and failures into 2 hours anyway? You have to resort to cliches and corny montages set to the featured artist's hits. What makes Walk The Line good in my opinion has to do with it's fine performances by Joaquin and dare I say Reese Witherspoon, an actress that is not my favorite, and of course the songs of Johnny Cash that are sprinkled in throughout the film. Both Phoenix and Witherspoon give singing their best shot, with Phoenix completely becoming Cash about mid-way through the film either through dead-on impersonation or pure embodiment of the character. Whatever it is, it's fantastic to watch. I wish the story was more limited and focused, less expansive, but I did like the interplay of Cash with Jerry Lee Lewis, Elvis and Waylon Jennings. These scenes had fun with our memories of these artists, but never took the camera away from our man Mr. Cash for too long and added something more than just a standard look at Cash's troubled marriage, pursuit of June Carter and rampant drug use set to music.

On the eve of Thanksgiving, it's the time of year that we give thanks and today I am thankful that Johnny Cash picked up a guitar in Germany and decided to put his thoughts out there in the form of songs. Because when the silence fills the room and I feel like I'm the only one feeling like crap, I can always turn him on and turn him up and let a friend talk me down.

Rubber Johnny

Gnarly!

Stick with this all the way through, it's crazy...

Older, Not Exactly Wiser

Fully digesting my new age of 34, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that I feel just as lost as I was when I was 20. I have all these feelings for what seems like the wrong person. I'm in a constant state of not being good enough, and I feel like I should be more or less beyond this nonsense at my age. Over the last few months I've talked about the "get what you give concept" and how I don't quite understand why it doesn't work for me. I perhaps convinced myself, stupidly enough, that somehow I would have this revelation as to why it's not working, but I can safely say now that getting another year older didn't help me come any closer to grasping just why my life usually sucks.

Now I do realize that there is more to life than just finding the right person and falling love. There's TV afterall. The place that feeds the beast and falsely gives me such a sense of hope. And music to sum up all the evil thoughts about love in songs that I was always too lazy to write. And books, art, film...many distractions that have a way of always giving me that faint glimmer of hope. All help me stay the course and keep at it.

Maybe I thought I would wake up this morning and have some idea, some eureka! moment...but I didn't. I got up and drug myself to work and busted my hump devoid of any thought about my situation. Until I get home to the empty apartment and wish that she was here. But she's far from here, she's off somewhere not even concerned with who I am or what I can offer or how I can love her.

I'm tired. I'm old. I'm confused.

Well, this shit is kind of depressing. I had a really amazing weekend and it was one of my better birthdays ever, so how come I'm feeling like crap all of a sudden? God, I wish I fucking knew. The human mind is fascinating...and women, well, just look at the power they yield over a man. It's crazy I tell you. Just plumb crazy.

Eh, tomorrow is another day.

Birthday Booty

$50 for ITunes
$300 for a Delta flight home sometime in 2006
A cool book of art
A very special card
Devil's Rejects on DVD
Bottle of vodka
Tasty Kakes
$50 Shutterfly Gift Certificate

I'm a lucky guy.

Birthday Celebration - Stage 2

No strippers. It's funny how shit works out sometimes. The plan was going to be just a small collective of folks and a visit to one of the local nudie bars. Instead I went out around dinner time and gathered supplies to make jello shots with my newly acquired bottle of vodka (a present from my boss). A couple of friends came over around 8 to help me make the many varieties of shots and begin drinking. Joolie shows up around 11 PM due to issues at work and is solo, meaning no Eric, which is very odd. Not to mention the fact that she is wearing a wig, adding to the oddness. Apparently Eric was at the Firehouse and we need to go there first before we head over to see boobies.

Well, Eric had assembled a hodge podge of people that I've been hanging with to converge at the Firehouse to wish me some birthday greetings. In fact they even made me a cake, decorated it and provided the bar with some Yuengling Lager for this very special affair. Having a bar full of people sing Happy Birthday to me was quite a sight. Needless to say, we never left the Firehouse until we were forced out at closing time. This was the point when I decided that those Jello Shots needed to be eaten and invited a shit load of folks back to my crib for late night hijinx. I think at one point I had about 15 people on my balcony that holds 3 comfortably.

Bottom line is that I had a good old time. There were some low lights that I prefer not the mention, but overall I was happy that the people I've met here were incredibly cool. It's one of my fonder birthdays, something I never anticipated. And that's great. Happy Birthday to me.

Birthday Celebration - Stage 1

Well, all attempts to take it easy last night fell to the way side around the lemon drop shot. But the way I look at it, I'm going to be in complete lock down with work the next 5 weeks, so I'm going out with a bang this weekend. Last night was complete fun. Drink, drink, drink, all at the expense of my lovely co-workers and boss. Sing a little karaoke (Next Year by Foo Fighters was my selection last night.), marvel at my old boss' ability to sing a pretty dead on version of Song Of A Preacher Man, meet up with a fellow birthday celebrator, roll to Soul Bar with 4 babes and own the dance floor. It was all a blur, but I can remember having a blast. So the hangover is worth it today.

Tonight, I'm doing it all again...

Freeze

It's fucking frigid here tonight. WTF? I thought Georgia was warm all year round? That's what the brochure said.

Anyway, today they kind of celebrated my birthday at work. Well, at least my team and some other folks bought me some gifts and made me feel all special and shit. I got $30 in ITunes from my squad. Big ups! My old boss got me some Pop Tarts since I eat them EVERYDAY at work. So much so that people think that is all I do eat. And my co-worker and current boss got me a Braves shirt that everyone signed with some Deep South saying to "welcome me" here. It was really quite a display unveiling that puppy, so much so that I was actually a tad embarassed at the attention. It was nice to feel like I belong a little, or that people like me enough to contribute...because honestly I think that people think I'm a prick. Maybe they do, but just not today?

Tonight the work celebration presses on across the street at my local karaoke bar Greene Streets. I picked the locale since it's so fucking close to my crib, and I'm sure no one complained because secretly they want to see me sing. (The word is out that I'm a ringer...) So I'm frantically downing a Red Bull Light to get pumped up and will be heading over as soon as I post this. I have no idea who is planning on coming out to join in the fun, but I'm ready to socialize a little with the 'adults' for once.

However, I'm still anxious about doing the debauchery thing tomorrow night. So as such, I plan on watching my drinking tonight. No shots. No going over board. No beer mixing. I'm determined to see some boobs tomorrow night in the proximity of Joolie. Going to strip bars with chicks is fun. Especially when they ain't your girlfriend.

And by the way, I got a haircut last night in anticipation of Thanksgiving which was a big hit at work today. I'm going as a modern day Indian to the Pilgrim and Indian Ball at Eric's house next week and decided to get-r-done as they say here. Check out Joolie's (and Eric's) crafty work...

Pep Rally

So, there is this girl that I've liked for so long that lives pretty far away from me and she just became single. Ouch. This is that scenario I dreamt about for many nights when I was back in Philly. The fact that she had a boyfriend always kept her in the unattainable, but completely desirable zone. And now, now that I'm getting settled into my new life in the G to the A, this chick finally becomes available. Just my luck.

I swear. Things never work out the way they should. But then again, if I wear her down enough maybe she'll move here?

My Name Is Earl

I keep waiting for this show to hit the wall, get tired or played out but it ain't happening. I can't remember the last time I lauged out loud a sitcom. Well, that's not entirely true since I recently watched Arrested Development Season 2 on DVD and laughed a bunch. But you get the gist.

The end scene of just wedding dancing had me in tears.

Tuesday Off, Mindless Entertainment

Not sure how long this has been bouncing around outside my radar, but Lost fans will appreciate it. Lost Rhapsody

Jesus Is Magic is the Sarah Silverman film that I can bet I'll have to wait for DVD to see. This write up about it makes me wanna move immediately to a town with interesting cinematic options.

Arrested Development is dead (again). Sniff, sniff. While Jason Bateman was out taking care of his throat junk, Fox pulled the plug on going past 13 episodes for this season. I can only dream of how great this show would have been on HBO.

Postal Service Gold Record up on EBAY. The item description tells a very funny story.

If you ever get bored, and like the visual arts, I suggest spending an hour going through the last 7 days worth of cool photos up on Flckr.com.

Well, I'm going to spend some more time with Nano Pod. We went shopping today, both grocery and Xmas related. But now we need coffee. Well, I do...Nano is fine. We are an amazing team. Just in case you were wondering.

It's A Motherfucker

My beloved Eagles lost in horrible fashion to America's team, the Cowboys on national TV tonight. I'd say their chances of making the playoffs are slim to none. Fuck T.O. Fuck that McNabb hernia. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Here It Comes

It's almost time for my birthday. Yuck. I really despise getting old. I'm hoping that the strippers make it all go down easier this year. That's right, I said strippers. Seems like some punk show in Columbia, SC is going to empty the streets of Augusta this weekend and leave Joolie, Eric, Punk Rock Baby and I to our own evil devices. The idea was tossed around of going to a strip club, and I'm not going to argue with that. Who would?

Norm!

I just spent the past two nights drinking my face off in the Firehouse, a local tavern with mad personality and I'm starting to consider myself a potential regular there. I'm not sure if I'm happy about that or not. It's nice to go somewhere that is welcoming, and the people there for the most part have been very cool and very social. The owner, Josh, was wearing his newly acquired Poison Scooter shirt last night making me feel all proud papa inside. I essentially boycotted 80's night based on prior experiences, and the Firehouse was a nice alternative. But, I don't want to be the guy who goes to the same bar every night and make it get old really quick.

However, last night I had some more time to spend getting to know Eric, this fellow transplant from PA who is currently smitten with the gal pal Joolie. With Joolie pulling the 2 AM shift this weekend, and me off, it was a perfect opportunity for Eric and I to get more familiar with each other. Hard as I try, I'm realizing that I cannot find anything wrong with this guy. And that's really amazing considering just how tough a critic I am. What came out of last night's discussion was an invite to a Thanksgiving event that will blow away all prior Thanksgivings at his house. You are required to dress as either a pilgrim or Indian, which is fucking awesome. I'm leaning toward Indian heavily, and plan on perhaps busting out the faux hawk again in honor of my Indian ancestors. Maybe it will rally the fucking Eagles in the process, because they sure need it. Anyway, being asked to join in on the holiday event, to the point that I'm making the turkey, is really a feeling that I cannot describe. I have been trying so hard to make things work here in Georgia, it's nice to see that there is some payoff. So I'm upbeat today, even though I have butt mud (again) from drinking Pabsts and stink like smoke.

Time to strap on the Nano Pod, grab the camera and head out to find an art exhibit that I was barely invited to. There's nothing like crashing an art exhibit with liquid diarrhea on a beautiful Saturday afternoon...

What I like.

Here's some things that make my life better.

1. James Spader. I've always had a hard on for this guy going back to my teenage years. I'm not a Pretty in Pink fan, I'm more of a Some Kind of Wonderful guy, but Spader's performance oozed the right amount of skankiness that I was like "who is that guy and why do I want to be him?" Seeing him on Boston Legal each week makes me fucking giddy. He is so over the top and all puffy now, but I still just think he is the man.

2. Fountains of Wayne songs. Why aren't these guys more famous? They write the catchiest songs EVER.

3. Getting a new Razor phone. As mentioned on a recent post, Brother Dan dumped the old Razor into some Chablis and fried it on me. I quickly purchased insurance on the thing and waited a week to file a claim. The new Razor came today in the mail and man it feels good to have her back in my life. I'm such a techno junkie whore....it's sad really.

4. Heineken. Last night Joolie came over with a 12 pack of the little green devil and my taste buds were rewarded after a long, rough week at the office. Nothing beats good conversation over a couple Heinies.

5.Survivor moments. Last night the tribe was all ready cast off Gary Hogeboom (ex-NFL QB), who is becoming my favorite player this season, and he stood up and whiped out the immunity idol that was hidden in the jungle. Hot! Everyone was shell shocked and had to scramble to vote someone else off in a matter of moments without discussing it.

Totally Tubular!

This could be interesting...

Mix Tape, Sort of...

A couple of weeks ago I got a mix CD constructed by my friend Rob that I have yet to remove from my car's CD player. Rob took the bold step of relocating to San Fran about 10 years ago, and knows full well how this type of move can make you very nostalgic for all the things you inevitably miss. Rob and I have kept in touch many years beyond what anyone probably would have expected, and have always managed to keep a nice dialogue going about music, TV and movies. In our heyday, we were the Siskel and Ebert of the bike courier, pot smoking and Milwakuee's Best swilling crowd we conspired with. What's kind of nifty about this mix CD is that Rob and I have rarely ever seen eye to eye on music. We both have eclectic tastes, but Rob usually takes its one step further. Sure, we both admire Rufus Wainwright and God Speed You Black Emporer, but for the most part we are miles apart musically. So the fact that I cannot stop listening to this CD fascinates me.

The feeling of getting a mix CD is always kind of nice. Knowing that someone took the time to construct something with you in mind is validating, at least for me. I find myself sometimes so deep in thought about our common experiences in college, or just about what I'm experiencing now while I'm listening that sometimes I forget to make the right turn I meant to make to get where I'm going. Behold the power of music! Anyhow...

Rob took the time expose me to some music I wouldn't have otherwise heard or sought out, especially since my life is void of XPN or any sort of interesting radio station here in Augusta. So I figure the least I could do is try to describe what these bands or songs sound like and share what I can with you all.

Track 1 - City Of Brother Love by Cass McCombs
This song obviously plays on the commonality of our former lives in Philadelphia. This guy has a very Robyn Hitchcock-esque quality that reminds me of 120 Minutes on MTV in the late 80's.

Track 2 - The Bones of an Idol by The New Pornographers
I was vaguely familiar with this band's work on Mass Romantic, but I wouldn't say I was all that impressed. I guess Neko Case vocalizing makes all the difference. Again, a very heavy 80's vibe permeates throughout this track and that makes me giggle.

Track 3 - UFO Sighting by Sufjan Stevens
Sufjan is the man. Very simple, very pretty.

Track 4 - Boundary Radar by The Go-Betweens
Ah, the real 80's nugget. Although this is a song from a very recent record, the Go-Betweens are Australian Indie at it's finest. A nerdy Love and Rockets as I call them.

Track 5 - You Say You Lie by The Ravonettes
Another band I heard tons about, but never really was interested. This song is perfect for driving.

Track 6 - Dead In Love by Desert Sessions
Holy fuck! How did I never hear about this shit. Josh Homme (Queen of the Stone Age frontman) put together this side project that features multiple volumes and a revolving cast of rockers like Eleven's singer who features on this track with Homme. I kept thinking to myself this sounds like QOTSA, so much so I had to look this shit up on the internet.

Track 7 - Gates of Steel by Devo
Ha. Devo is great.

Track 8 - The Bronze by Queens of the Stone Age
Ah, these guys always put a smile on my face.

Track 9 - Crowned in Chrome by Crooked Fingers
Another surprise...I was never a fan of Archers of Loaf and this solo work by their lead singer is not as bad as I would have imagined.

Track 10 - Held by (Smog)
They can't all be gems. This track kind of blows.

Track 11 - For One Moment by Lee Hazlewood
This song is from yesteryear and I like to consider it the best hangover song ever.

Track 12 - Find Me, Rueben Olivares by Mark Kozelek
The Red House Painters reminds me of a girl I once knew. And this song by the lead singer from one of his solo albums now reminds me of her.

Track 13 -I Summon You by Spoon
Everyone talks about Spoon being the next big thing...I once told a Spoon fan that if I haven't heard of them by now (they've been around forever) then they ain't worth knowing. I was way wrong.

Track 14 - California by Low
Slow, harmonic, rhythmic....this is Low.

Track 15 - When The Day Is Short by Martha Wainwright
She ain't no Rufus, but then again she ain't no Loudon.

Track 16 - Lightbulb by Call and Response
This track is bouncy and so fun. America's answer to Stereolab!

Track 17 - all you need is hate by the Delgados
This Scottish band is equal parts Flaming Lips, Wilco and to a lesser extent Ween. And it works. I love songs with Timpani prominently featured.

Track 18 - On The Table by AC Newman
The dude from the New Pornographers is annoying looking, and as such I've avoided his solo work like the plague. But it's good. At least this track is anyway.

Track 19 - Huddle Formation by The Go! Team
Hipster stuff from England. A mash up of cheerleading chants, hip hop beats and a little dance music sprinkled in makes me want to dance. Or cheer. Whatever. Me likey.

Track 20 - Hit The City by Mark Lanegan Band
Love this man. Heroin habit and all.

Track 21 - A Touch Sensitive by Super Furry Animals
Never imagined that this is how this band would sound. It's kind of DJ Shadow-ish. Hypnotic instrumental.

Track 22 - Winners by Desert Sessions
The joke track by Josh Homme's side project. Some announcer reads off "winners" names from your high school yearbook. Rob knows I love sarcasm.

Track 23 - Southern Girls by Cheap Trick
Not the strongest Cheap Trick track, but the Southern sentiment is not lost on me.

There you have it. A musical journey. Thanks Rob.

You and Me and Everyone We Know

This is a little IFC gem that I heard about when it was in limited release back 6 or so months ago. It plays like a Todd Solondz movie but with the feminine touch of it's lead actress, writer and director Miranda July. Critically lauded, but not seen by many this is a piece of art about the human desire to connect with some very discomforting scenes interspliced to add a very dramatic sense of realness. The creepy shoe salesman who thinks he wants to coax some neighborhood teenage girls into a threesome, a 7 year old engaging in ass play themed instant messaging with a woman in her late 30's and the freakishly mature 10 year old girl who is collecting items (like a hand mixer or new shower curtain) for her dowdry and saving them in a hope chest are the roadside attractions on this journey about Richard and Christine's road to love.


I wouldn't call this a romantic comedy, although the overall theme is romantic and there are some laughs, albeit somewhat uncomfortable ones, along the way. It's more of an exploration of how desperate we get when we hit a point in our life when we feel incomplete because we cannot find out soul mate. Christine is fiercely brave in her approach towards making Richard notice her, and relentlessly pursues him because he is the one. I admired her vunerability while alone and her reckless behavior while around Richard, and completely sympathized with the emotional roller coaster it is to just have this crazy, overwhelming "feeling" about someone despite the fact that as Richard says in one memorable scene, they could be a "killer of small children."

Above and beyond the enjoyment I had watching the movie continually take it up to another level from scene to scene, I became completely mesmerized by Miranda July. Very unconventionally cute, like 1 part Rachel Griffiths and 1 part this girl I knew in college that none of you fucking know. Ha.

That's How I Feel!

It's odd where I find symbolism these days. I'll be watching a TV show or listening to a song I've heard a million times and at that very moment something connects. It's fucked to find comfort in a Papa Roach song, but so be it.

Not Fair

I always had a bad impression of what a county or state fair was like. I imagined gross people, odd smells, sad looking animals, tractors and carnival rides. Having now attended my first fair, I'm pleased to report I was exactly fucking right. The fair is in town and I figured I should at least make an effort to broaden my horizons. So I got up today and decided to head to the fair. Now, admittedly the fair is probably an experience you need to have with someone or someones, so going alone was not my smartest move. I wasn't too excited for it, so I didn't want to drag anyone else into the fold and have to spend more time than I wanted to. But yeah, sad seal lions sleeping, smelly cows, funnel cake, it was as crappy as you think it's going to be. I snapped a few pictures, but nothing I'm very happy with. I was hoping it would have been more country I guess. It all seemed rather pathetic and therefore didn't stimulate my eye.

Jarhead

It's been a long time, relatively speaking, since I went to the movies. So long in fact that I can't recall what movie it was I saw? Today, my one day off in a run of working 10 of 11 days, I decided to unwind and go see something. Since my desire to see movies has subsided lately, mostly due to the fact that everything that comes out looks like shit, I didn't really care what movie I saw. I liked American Beauty a lot, but didn't care for Road to Perdition, so it's not like I'm a Sam Mendes fan. Considering that he is married to Kate Winslet, who I adore, that's almost reason enough for me to boycott his latest directorial offering Jarhead.

However, I liked the idea of a movie that focuses on the first Gulf War now that we have some perspective on it and one that doesn't play out like Three Kings (a great movie, but a little on the Oceans 11 tip) hopefully. Jake Gyllenhaal is an actor that I like but can't seem to figure out why. It's not like his resume is uber impressive, and he is on again/off again banging one of my potential wives in Kirsten Dunst which makes me hate him a little bit, but he has such a great way of playing these understated thinkers. The Good Girl, Donnie Darko, even his role in The Day After Tomorrow were all slightly off center, deep guys and he emotes a lot of things through his facial expressions. Jarhead offers him an opportunity to once again strut out the pouty faces and the quiet, tortured guy routine to it's desired effect. And it works.

What really separates this movie from other war movies is the lack of any real war taking place. The movie is about the boredom of waiting for an actual ground war that never happens. If you recall from our first foray into Iraq, we basically blew them up from the air for a couple days and it was all over. The guys who were trained to kill never got a shot and basically jerked off and waited for a Dear John letter to show up from their girlfriend or wife back home while roasting in the desert, or at least that is what Anthony Swofford, author and veteran, wants you to think took place. It's a tad difficult to have a movie come out about the Gulf War while 2000 kids have died in Iraq during the most recent war and not have it make you think about the situation we are in. But the movie isn't set up to make you sympathize with any one except the Jarheads, the Marines who are there to fight for our country whether they want to or not. This is an exploration of men, not a dissection of the war and for that reason I liked it. The soundtrack and score add some drama and intensity that the war never gets a chance to, and the visuals of the vastness of the desert are stunning.

Full Metal Jacket is the closest comparison I could make for this flick. The basic training sequence plays out quicker in this film, and there is less blood shed (obviously), but the tone is very similar. Examining the psyche of a 20 year old who willingly joins the Corps is risky, especially when the back drop is a war that wasn't really a war and is an afterthought at this point, but Mendes and company do a nice job.

Ah, thankfully nothing too damaging...

The snapshots tell a story.

Wall of Sound

Let me preface this by saying that drinking on an empty stomach is not a wise decision. Last night was Jucifer at the Soulbar. If you don't know who Jucifer is, don't feel bad. I had no clue either. They are apparently a husband and wife duo that plays REALLY loud "music" and look extremely wacky while doing it. It not metal-exactly, more like art rock I suppose. But it's insanely fucking loud, to the point that I can't recall any real melody just a constant hum of the wall of amps that they use for one guitar, that SHE plays by the way. It's like White Stripes in reverse, but with the volume turned way up and the vocals turned way down. I saw her mouth moving, but I can honestly say I didn't hear a voice. Again, that hum was overwhelming. I guess standing 6 inches from the stage wasn't the best location, but what can I say....

Anyway, I did some hearty pre-gaming at the Firehouse before the midnight show and that Jager shot was probably the straw the broke the camel's back. Once the band played, the rest of the night became an incredible blur. I vaguely recall walking to bars at the other end of town, taking pictures like a Japanese tourist and getting a ride home at some point. I even watched Survivor at 3 AM and can't recall one frame of the episode. Getting up for work at 9 AM was awesome.

Back to the pictures thing, I took out the camera last night and I have 102 snap shots in the process of uploading to my computer as I type this. Huh? 102? I can't wait to piece the night together. Ha.

Square One

MP3 collection firmly restored has allowed me to reconnect with Coldplay's latest album X&Y. These guys write extremely melodic, catchy tunes that I find myself never tiring from hearing. Aside from that, the lyrics on this disc are quite comforting to me these days. In particular the tune Square One that is the opening track is one that I turn to as a way of summing up a lot of my feelings throughout a day like today.

You're in control, is there anywhere you wanna go?
You're in control, is there anything you wanna know?
The future's for discovering
The space in which we're travelling
From the top of the first page
To the end of the last day
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are

Under the surface trying to break through
Deciphering the codes in you
I need a compass, draw me a map
I'm on the top, I can't get back

Whoa whoa

The first line on the first page
To the end of the last page
From the start in your own way
You just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are

You just want
Somebody listening to what you say
Oh, you just want somebody listening to what you say
It doesn't matter who you are
It doesn't matter who you are

Is there anybody out there who
Is lost and hurt and lonely too
Are they bleeding all your colours into one?
and if you come undone
As if you've been run through
Some catapult it fired you
You wonder if your chance will ever come
Or if you're stuck in square one

I don't want to go on and on about this, but I'll just say that songs that can verbalize, er vocalize the thoughts that bounce around my head make me feel less like a freak from outer space and more like everyone else.

Kinda Bummerish, And Other Junk

After a rather tiring day at work I am currently sitting here sipping Kiwi Strawberry Crystal Light from a wine glass and contemplating why on earth I cannot seem to win a fantasy football match up. I just read the news about Jason Bateman having throat surgery and it reminded me that I need to get Joolie to mail back discs 2 and 3 from season 2 of Arrested Development so I can get a Netflix rental up in here. I'm in a stretch of working 7 out of 8 days and will hopefully use the time wisely to get myself prepared for the impending holidays. Speaking of which I'm not "off" again until after XMAS and that prospect seems kind of frightening, if for no other reason than I fear I may burn out or have heart failure.

In other disappointing news, I am now realizing that my upcoming birthday is on par to be the lamest ever. Let me explain. There are only a handful of people that I would call my inner circle here in the GA and 2 of them are heading up North on my birthday I guess to get an early start on Thanksgiving. Lame. Thankfully Joolie is only working until 9 PM that day, so at the very least I will have her to help me drown my sorrows as I get another year closer to death. Not that I am unhappy about having Joolie there, I just wish there was going to be more fanfare surrounding the blessed event.

In lighter news, I failed to mention that after much despair I now have recovered my beloved MP3 collection thanks to Brother Mike who sent down an external hard drive loaded with songs this past weekend. I'm back up to 5000 in ITunes and it's such a comfort to have more than the same 10 choices. Sufjan Stevens, I missed you.

Fine. You win.

Another fucking layout change Skip? You must be joking.

No I'm not. Apparently I wiped out the ability for my faithful readers to leave me comments when I converted over to the former design and since I'm HTML retarded, all I could do is pick another, simpler layout that allowed me to restore commenting. So my logo is unfortunately a thing of the past. Not many folks knew it was a picture of me as a kid anyway. And it had a creepy kiddie porn vibe to it I think. So bye-bye logo.

Ok. So now that I gave the people back their voice, I'll be expecting you to contribute.

Breathe

A furious 48 hour visit from the gang has done exactly what I expected it to do. I'm achey, hungover-ish, happy and sad all at once. We didn't do much besides drink, but I can't recall any other time where we did anything but just that.


Friday: Walk down Broad Street, a trek that takes all of 10 minutes, and then we hit up some lunch and bought supplies in the grocery store. And by supplies I mean beer. Drink, drink, drink...wine soaked Razor phone, Brother Dan kills 2 bottles of wine and requires lengthy nap, join forces with Syd, Tena and Liz for an ill fated Haunted House visit, Philly crew adorns Poison Scooter shirts to become Poison Scooter Army, minimal dancing at Soul Bar until I lose my cool yet again, press on to Firehouse and show the kids how the other half live. Met up with Eric who invites us to his house on Saturday for BBQ.

Saturday: Amass around 1 PM at my abode, meet up with Joolie, hit up Fresh Market for BBQ ingredients, roll to Eric's house and proceed to cook food for 20 on the world's smallest and slowest cooking grill, drink, drink, drink, freeze a little as the onset of night approaches, come back into town for naps, drink, drink, drink, see Tena and Syd in costumes when the stop by to treat me, roll to 1102 for a spell, then close down Pizza Joint with slices at 2 AM.

It's was brief, but much needed. I spent a lot of time with my sister Malia who stayed at my place and got to experience the woman that she has become. Brother Dan and his lady Rose was also nice to see, I'm happy that he is in love and he seems more than happy about being in love. And of course, Kevin and Noele are like the brother and sister I want to sleep with most. Kevin was coerced into becoming a Poison Scooter model because he's a fucking stud. And Noele, well Noele is just perfect, always smiling and being the sweetest chick I know. It's only been a few hours, but I miss these fuckers big time already.

Visitors
BBQ
Costume Craziness

False Start

I had high hopes today of putting together some stellar Halloween costume, but no dice. I lost my inspiration as soon as I hit the costume store. I was thinking Leatherface this year, but my fucking glasses always get in the way. I took the easy way out and bought some freaky teeth at Target.

In anticipation of visitors I had to go out and get some odds and ends like wine glasses today hence the Target visit. I was also considering replacing my Sony Cybershot camera that busted a few months ago, but ultimately said "fuck it" on that issue as well. I guess I'm just not in the mood to spend money. I did manage to get the necessary supplies for this weekend however.

1. Halloween candy and stupid Pumpkin plastic candy container.
2. Toilet paper.
3. Bottled water.

Considering I had procured the boat load of wine a few days ago and that my legions are bringing with them I'm sure some sort of alcohol, the above pretty much completes the puzzle. I'm very ready for a "LOST WEEKEND" and hope that my old body doesn't quit on me somewhere in the middle.

The plan is starting to take shape, spend Friday night doing the rounds at the local watering holes. Saturday afternoon could be spent at a BBQ at Joolie's boo's house, and then we have the Haunted House on Reynolds Street. Ah, who cares? We'll figure it out I'm sure.

Almost

I'm slowly recovering from my recent onset of Ebola virus or whatever the hell it is. God damn it can get cold here. It's in the 30s tonight. WTF? I thought Georgia was like 100 degrees all year long? I just have one more day to get through at work this week and then I'm home free for a nice 4 day weekend. And this weekend I have my first taste of visitors. I guess I better think of something for them to do while they visit?

Well, as expected my van full of people has dwindled considerably. I've been avoiding visiting people for many years now, so I'm not shocked in the least. I'm just happy that someone, anyone is still bothering to make the trek. I'll be happy with the group that is intact at this moment (assuming more people don't bail out by Thursday..) which consists of Brother Dan, his lady Rose, Kevin and Noele (aka the hottest couple in the world) and my sister Malia. In lieu of actually planning out anything for while they are here, I've just bought copious amounts of wine. I figured I can get them all drunk and they won't want to bother with seeing anything, or rather realizing that there is nothing to see here in Augusta.

To be fair there is quite a bit happening here this weekend. Friday night is the 10th anniversary party for the Soul Bar, my local dancing and swilling spot. And Saturday night is Disco Hell O Ween there as well. And of course, Bloodfest 12 is happening all day Saturday. Hmm, maybe Bloodfest isn't exactly the kind of event I should take people to? In any case, I don't think I care what we do since I just want to hang out and get drunk.

Annie Duke

Hottest mother of 5 ever. Best woman poker player. Just found out she listens to the White Stripes in her headphones while playing in poker tournaments. Man, I want her. Now.

A change in the weather...

Fall is upon us here in Georgia finally. The days are still a sunny 75, but the nights have brought a chill on that has made me sick. I've been steadily rocking my ceiling fans all the while and realized today when I woke up to a scratchy, sore throat that the constant spinning may have made me get sick. So it's Tylenol Sore Throat and bad television for me today. Having worked all weekend, I feel extremely unguilty about calling out today.

The sick does give me some time to think about all the stuff that is going on with me right now. I'm digesting the concept of Joolie seriously dating someone, some would even argue that I'm accepting it rather well. I would love to find fault in the guy, but I just can't. Although I'm scared that this is the situation I've been dreading since I moved here, being slowly pushed out of Joolie's life for someone who is better for her than I am, part of me is willing to have this experience just to see if Joolie is the great friend that I portray her to be all the time. I'm caustioulsy optimistic that we have developed a pretty tight friendship that will survive many ups and downs. I have been down this road before in my life and managed to fuck it up royally on more than one ocassion. Relishing the opportunity to make this time different is something that I want to be strong enough to embrace.

In focusing on my own plight, I am forced to accept the fact that I'm crazy about someone myself. It's not as easy for me as it is for Joolie, but I am more confident in my actions. More so than I have been. I feel that at this time in my life, I am more equipped than ever to deal with any rejection that might head my way. But I'm extremely hopeful/cocky that I will not be rejected if I just continually prove myself. What I think separates me from most guys is that I think about the small things, I outwardly show concern and passion for those that I'm interested in. My only concern is that I'm wasting my time on someone who is too immature. It's funny how the heart works. You can't really control the feelings you possess. Am I setting myself up for the big hurt? Let's hope not. But here's the thing...

Usually I would overthink shit and sabotage something before it begins based on my lack of self esteem or confidence. I've done this over and over again the last few years. Not anymore. I have decided that I am in a sink or swim situation, especially if Joolie finds love and I'm left to my own devices. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm not looking to play games. I want to find happiness. And if that means I have to hit some speed bumps along the way, then I'll do it for the good of the fight. I just need to stay the course, keep chipping away and make her mine.

It starts innocently enough...

Dinner with Joolie's parents/grandparents was enjoyable. Fine food, wine and good conversation capped off by a little more conversation with the parents back at Joolie's crib. They are kind of what I expected, extremely nice Lancaster County people. Rick was very personable which I wasn't expecting and Adele was funny in a very non-intentional sort of way. Seeing Joolie be "mothered" was a delightful time and I'm very happy I was asked to join them for dinner.

After a few hours of conversation, Joolie was clawing the walls eager to go out and meet up with a fella. After a quick stop at my house for some more alcohol, we make our way to this local Punk Rock hangout called Sector 7G. Imagine if you will a place where everyone appears to be about 16 and me. Besides feeling incredibly old and out of place, I was not feeling exactly great from eating restaurant food. Fast forward to a few beers later and I kind of forgot about my stomach and enjoyed myself for a change. I was able to be around Joolie and her new man friend (a really nice guy actually) without getting all psycho-ish and protective. Maybe the fact that I was spending copious amounts of time with Punk Rock Junkie helped? Yep, the girl re-emerged and turned my night upside down as she is prone to do. It's pretty much an alcohol fueled blur, one that haunted my entire work day today. 4 hours sleep and a 9 hour day at the office has put me down tonight. It's 8:30 PM and I feel like I could sleep for a week.

Can't Sleep

It's kind of late, not that I have work tomorrow or anything, but I do have to go to work in the AM since I have a key in my pocket that is needed to unlock a very necessary cabinet. Today was pretty laid back and relaxing, minus the vacuuming at Joolie's apartment which I feared was going to cause me scoliosis. With Joolie's folks making their way to visit, her and I took a quick run to the local screen printer in the AM before they arrived. Our goal was to establish a much needed local relationship with a facility that can handle our Poison Scooter needs. I'm pleased to report that the visit to Kathie's T's was a success in that we got a decent quote and some very important questions answered. I'm looking to place a significant order on Monday barring any set backs for some very amazing shirts. The buzz around our Here Comes Trouble design is encouraging...

After our meeting with Mr. Kathie (who could be a pervy religious freak based on the conversation we had with him) we moseyed over to Big K to grab some cleaning supplies for Joolie's semi-annual back bathroom scrub down. I'm kind of thankful her parents are here, forcing her to clean that awful bathroom that her cat has turned into a giant litter box. The stank is intense in that joint and a good scrubbing seemed to have done the job. Since her folks called with an earlier than expected ETA on their arrival, I stepped it up and helped clean up her pad to give the impression that she is living the "clean" life I suppose. Which brings me to the amazingly short and broken handled vacuum that was fit for a hunchback. Mental note: Joolie needs a vacuum cleaner for her birthday. (just kidding)

I split the scene before the big arrival and spent the rest of the afternoon watching my "shows" on DVR. And fulfilling orders and folding shirts for PS. Looking back, I guess I didn't really accomplish anything of value today. And that may be why I'm so awake now....

Oh. I did buy a CD from ITunes. Does that count as doing something? This Bird Has Flown is the 40th Anniversary tribute album of the Beatles' Rubber Soul and it's quite good. There are a lot of artists on it that I enjoy, such as Sufjan Stevens, Ted Leo, Ben Lee, Mindy Smith, Low, The Donnas, Rhett Miller and Ben Kweller. And since it's the Beatles, I know I like the songs. Couldn't go wrong for $9.99.

Tomorrow I am considering seeing a movie which is something I haven't done in ages. Not sure what it'll be, I guess I'll surprise myself. And then I'm going to partake for a bit in the pumpkin carving ceremony that is apparently taking place in my foyer tomorrow evening. And then? Well, I'm not sure....but I'm going to do something dammit. And I'm sure you'll hear all about it.

The Beast from the Sea

I'm sorry, it's tough to take a Hurricane named Wilma seriously. I mean c'mon now.

Visitors

Not sure what it is about October, but it appears that everyone I know that relocated to Georgia is expecting a visit in the next week or so, including me. Yeah! Joolie's folks and grandparents are in town tomorrow for a long weekend. Having been a resident here for a couple months I have no idea what old folks are going to do here for that long. But having her folks come will make Joolie happy, even if she is mad that she is missing out on a show in Atlanta and spending time with her new man friend. I'm looking forward to meeting her parents, I am fascinated by "where" people come from. And I usually get along famously with my friend's parents. I'm like Skippy Handleman in that way.

Next up, Sydney's Mom aka the coolest witch I know is coming back to visit again on Monday. I'm really happy for Syd to have her Mom come because I know she needs to have her here for a little while just to tell her it's going to be alright. I try my best to convince her that she'll survive in Augusta, but we all need to hear it from family on occasion.

And then it's my turn. Next week I have Brother Dan and my sister Malia coming in with a bunch of other friends to bring this town to it's knees. My boy Kevin is leading the charge and is super excited to come down, so I'm really anxious to see familiar faces and forget about all the crap that I think about all the time. We will just drink and be merry for the weekend.

Her

I've made a decision that she will be mine.

I know what I have to offer her and I'm not going to relent until she realizes that I'm good enough to be with her. I've spent too much time sitting back and doing nothing. It's my turn to go all out. You have to go big or go home.

What's the worst that could happen?

Well, she could crush me and my hopes for starters. And then make it extremely difficult to get up in the morning and face another day. The reality is that I feel like that most of the time anyway, without her help.

I'm determined to play things differently this time around. No more being a pushover. No more dancing around the topic. I'm going to sweep her off her feet. Make her realize that there is nothing more in the world I want than to make her laugh, smile, feel safe.

If I fail, then at least I went out swinging. Right?

If this doesn't work out, I know I have Joolie to comfort me when I'm crushed.

Ch-Ch-Changes

New design for the blog. Obviously. I like it.

Lots of Poison Scooter work today. Stickers arrvived, so now we get to plaster the city of Augusta with them. Bunch of orders came in, mainly from friends and family, which is cool. Finalizing two new designs and getting them off to the printer this week.

I'm off this Thursday and Friday instead of Saturday and Sunday which will be odd. Guess I'll see what this town has to offer on a Thursday night for a change of pace.

Together Alone

Well, well, well...

80's night will probably become a phrase I use to describe evenings of intense emotions and situations from this point forward. I took last month's night off and went to Atlanta, so it's been 60 days since my last experience and I had forgotten what this event does to me. It's like a werewolf and the full moon. I somehow always seem to go crazy on this one particular night. The rest of the month is as normal as can be.

In any case, I have come to the conclusion that by spending so much time with Joolie that we are both in dire need of getting laid. Let me clarify before you all start reading into this comment. My connection to Joolie is unlike any relationship I've had with a female; and I try extremely hard all the time not to fuck it up. The way I'm molded, I have serious issues with jealousy and self esteem...and to suppress them takes a huge amount of effort on my part. We get along, at least on the surface we do. Underneath it all I sometimes think that she feels a little smothered by me, and rightly so. I fail to make friends and therefore I rely heavily on her for my social outlets here in Augusta. Last night I was slighted by her and reacted like a fucking 2 year old when I showed up at her house a bit tipsy. The rest of the evening we spent drinking and cavorting like two peas in a pod, but I think it is becoming quite clear that neither of us is very happy here even when we are doing fun things together. This is my opinion mind you, and I've been known to be quite wrong on many, many things. I recall at some point, while blindingly drunk, deciding to have some type of heart to heart with her about who know's what and this is usually where I fuck up most of my relationships with people. Alcohol impairs judgment. It's on the label for fuck's sake.

The way I see it, the more time I spend with her and the more I tune out the rest of the world, the more I will intensify my feelings for her, zone in on making her my #1 priority and most likely scare her to the point that she will have to quit her job or frantically move back to PA. Now this would suck royally because I can't imagine my life right now without her in it. Maybe this is the gist of what we discussed last night? Although it may have come out differently from my slurring mouth. Essentially I need to find someone to formulate a relationship with, or fuck if you will, to reduce the pressure I feel like I am putting on Joolie. Or she needs to find some guy to make her happy here, and slowly push me off to the side and help me accept my role in her life as "really great friend." The way things are now, we both seem to be what I call Together Alone a lot. We spend lots of time in our own heads, thinking and worrying about so many aspects of our life and the uncertainty and unpredictability of what lies ahead. It's great that we can rely on each other when we need a lift...again, I'm making assumptions here that Joolie feels the same way in that she appreciates that I care for her. But at the same time we never seem to just both be enjoying ourselves at the same time for very long. I went through some severe funk, as you may recall, and Joolie helped me through it all in her very unique, non-judgmental and reserved way. Now that she is funking out a bit, I feel obliged to return the favor and be a cheerleader, which I'm not certain is working. All I want is for her to be happy here, and for us to be the best friends we can be. Not fucking that up is going to be a real challenge for me, but I just hope she can overlook my oaflike behavior and see that everything I do and say comes from a good place.

Adding to an already odd evening, a girl that I basically cut out of my life a few weeks back charmed me into overlooking her faults and we appear to be working on being friends again. The same reasons I decided to eliminate her from my world are still there (the worthless boyfriend, the shallow relationships with men who view her only as a sex object and the puppy dog face that she uses to get people to give in to her) but since I'm trying to make things work here, I'm not going to focus so much on how fucked up I think she is and just keep up my guard a little.

I have thought long and hard about what went wrong between us and how we arrived at a place where I decided it was necessary to stop speaking to each other. What I came up with is that leaving behind a boyfriend in Philadelphia puts her in a bad place from time to time. I think this chick is basically missing the physical part of her relationship and attempts to gain some of the illusion of it by being touchy feely with me and perhaps I mistake that for a connection that is deeper than it is. I came to the conclusion that in her defense, I cannot imagine what it would be like to make this type of move in my life and have someone that I love be back in my old town and not here with me. We started the evening not having said more than 10 words to each other in weeks and ended it lying in bed discussing all the things that we have been through in the past couple of weeks we weren't speaking. Time heals all wounds I suppose. It's incredibly comforting to have someone just lay there in the dark and talk to me. Even if we are both just filling a void.

The bottom line I suppose it that I prefer Together Alone to plain old fucking useless Alone. I'm back to being grateful that I have some people in my life here that I think are amazing. The women I find myself constantly dancing, drinking, laughing, playing and working with are very special people and I need to remember that instead of always looking for a reason to be a sour puss or the wounded emo bitch. Things could be a lot worse, I could be a hermit with zero friends or blind or unfunny.

New and Improved Skip Still Thriving

Well I'm sure some of you miss the wine and cheese that you grown accustomed to from me, but this new attitude thing is sticking. I'm preoccupied a lot of the time with work demands and then focusing my energies on the tee shirt thing, so that doesn't leave me much time for bitching and moaning. I would like to comment on a few interesting factoids just for kicks this evening.

1. Did you know that you don't have to get your car inspected in Georgia?

Amazing. I went to go change over my registration to GA and $38 later I walked out with a license plate and a registration document. I don't have to pay nothing until my birthday in 2006. Huh? There has to be a catch I'm overlooking? $20 for a license and $38 for a plate....and that's it? Word.

2. Nothing is open on the Lord's day here.

Sundays are so fucking pathetic in this part of the country that I'm surprised the suicide rate isn't higher. I guess the folks here just procreate on that day instead.

3. Miller High Life is the champagne of beers.

Seriously.

4. I'm mega concerned about Elizabethtown sucking royal ass.

The reviews are all over the place on Cameron Crowe's latest flick. I'm sure the soundtrack is boss, but I'm worried.

5. My hair is getting long.

I've been really gun shy about walking into the local hair butchery and taking my chances down here, so I've forgone actually worrying about the mop. Now I'm starting to look like Prefontaine and shit. Only bigger. While interviewing a lady today at work she mentioned that she used to sell hair products in this area for a living and I asked her opinion on where to go to get a trusting cut. To be continued.

6. The work schedule thing is no better than what it was in Philly.

Smoke and mirrors. All the promises of normalcy when I moved are out the window. We are down two Supervisors and haven't hired anyone in 3 months to replace the first guy who split. I'm officially back to working random shifts and days (including weekends) and hating every minute of it. It's like a big see saw as well. I had to get some accommodation on some days I need of later this month for a visit from my peeps and in the process fucked up Joolie's days off since we essentially at 2 members of a 5 person team. Something has got to give.

7. Response to Poison Scooter is tepid at best.

I was counting on my friends, family and loyal readership to come through and buck up when the shirt thing launched and I've been underwhelmed at the response. C'est le vie I suppose. I'm going to press on regardless of the support I am receiving because it's fun, Joolie is an amazing talent and I'm certain we can make something of this on a larger scale. George Michael says "You Gotta Have Faith" and I'm thinking he's right.

8. Am I really on the verge of turning 34?

I have conversations at work all the time about husbands, wives, kids, pregnancy, home ownership, etc. and they continue to sound like concepts I'll never grasp. I'm such a fucking kid. I swear. I dress like a 16 year old and act like 20 year old. When am I going to grow up?

9. 80's night is tonight.

I always look forward to 80's night for the nostalgia aspect. The music comforts me. The dancing makes me forget about everything that is wrong with me or my life. I get in the zone and just forget about all the bullshit. God Bless 80's Night.

10. My cooking skills have deteriorated since I've moved.

I had the chance to make dinner for Joolie for the first time to celebrate our shirts arriving and I stumbled. I over cooked the mash 'taters and the corn on the cob like a fucking rookie. I was beginning to think that Joolie thought I lied about being able bodied in the kitchen. She ate it up like a good soldier, but I'm sure she was thinking "this ain't no Mickey D's."

Put Up or Shut Up

The time has come. The shirts are in. If you want one, email me @ poisonscooter@gmail with your size and I'll invoice you. $15 gets you the shirt below on your doorstep in under a week. Paypal does the work.

Yum.



The lovely Joolie Poison modeling the freshest gear from Poison Scooter.

Insane or Smart?

Who remembers Harvey Danger? I suppose they would be considered a one hit wonder of sorts from the mid-90's.

Paranoia, paranoia, they're coming to get me...

Anyway, apparently they are still around and making what appears to be decent music. I actually liked there stuff back in the day, so it was easy for me to give the new stuff have a chance. What's interesting about them is that they are self releasing their new album right to the internet for free. Huh? Sure, they are putting out in stores for sale and all, but you can go here and get it via direct download or bit torrent right now if you want. For nothing.

Why you ask? Well, they go into detail here about their reasoning, some of which I completely agree with. Having been on a major record label in the music industry in my past I can tell you first hand that the artist sees little money from record sales anyway, so I say go for it. The way bands make money is shows, through ticket sales and merchandise. How do you get people to your show? Get them to hear your shit and like it enough to come. Simple.

FedEx Rocks?

Our first batch of tee shirts have arrived for Poison Scooter and I'm ready to start getting the word out there. Getting them was a slight ordeal, but I'm shocked to say that I was overwhelmed by the customer service of FedEx. First of all, the company that made our shirts left a vital digit off my mailing address, so the driver who orignally had the package called me on his cell phone and gave me a head's up that he couldn't figure out my address. Furthermore, he provided me with his cell phone number to call him back when I got the message. Rather than disturb this guy, I called FedEx customer service without a tracking number and they were able to locate the package in question based on me answering a couple of easy questions. They then told me that would re-route the package to the correct address. Easy enough. Well, the new delivery date conflicted with work, so the new driver again called me and provided his cell phone number for me to call him back when I got the message. Again, rather than bother the driver I called customer service and again they located my package with no tracking number as easy as pie. I asked to pick up the box today at the terminal rather than wait around for a driver and they said that was fine and provided me the location of the facility holding my package. This morning the terminal holding the package called me to confirm that I was coming by to grab the box and I indicated I was planning on it. I was completely shocked that I was at a shipping and recieving facility not a pick up location for customers and the people there helped me locate my package which was neatly tucked off to the side for me to come get it. At this point I'm thinking, man FedEx is going out of it's way to help me....that's cool as hell. Then I get home and check my voicemail and it's a guy apologizing for "FedEx's mistake" in not being able to deliver the package, a courtesy call to make sure I got the package at the facility. Huh? What company does this? Proactively calling customers and taking responsibility for mistakes that they didn't even make. Unheard of. The bottom line is that FedEx totally rocks.

Tuesday Night Drunk

Nothing like getting tipsy on a Tuesday night. I decided that I wasn't going to waste a day off from work by sitting in and doing nothing, so I ventured out alone tonight. Spent a couple hours being creepy guy at the bar until I got Joolie to come by after work and join me for a beer. Drank a little more than I bargained for, but managed to meet a couple decent guys that Joolie has befriended here. I told myself I was going to be less judgmental of people in an effort to make friends, and I think I did that tonight.

I am slightly concerned about how many "dudes" Joolie knows in this town already, but deep down I don't care. There is just something about her that makes me love her unconditionally. It's not like she's my girlfriend and I'm constantly meeting guys she has hooked up with. However, since I do think she is amazing and possibly the most incredible person I have ever met, I can't help but wish that there were less instances of her being in a bar where there are 10 patrons and she has kissed half of them.

I'm probably out of line even talking about this tonight because I'm drunk and that is the worst time to start writing shit down. I am trying really hard to be someone who cares, but doesn't care too much. You know? Even mentioning this shit tonight makes me seem like I care too much. And that's scary. And I'll most likely have to explain it down the line...

Piss Off

So I bought this doormat from work that says Piss Off for like 7 bucks. I like it, although it comes off as slightly unfriendly I suspect to my neighbors. Oh well. And for some reason I thought I needed a floating shelf for my living room. That was until I realized that I have no studs in any of the walls on which to mount this shit. Plaster city I guess. But the piece de resistance is my pickup truck wall art that is over my toilet adorning the master bathroom. White trash. Spending money makes me feel good. I have no idea why.

I went to Target yesterday before watching the Eagles get destroyed. Before I knew it I spent 80 bucks in like 20 minutes. I bought silly Halloween shit, a frame for this piece of art I purchased, a dust buster, bottled water, and on, and on, and on. I'm a spending machine. So much for saving money when I move to Georgia. Thank goodness when I take money out of an ATM I usually last about 2 weeks on that one withdrawal.

I'm Old

When I drink these days, I need like a week to recover. I swear. Last night I had a bunch of Jack and Coke after I finished my Rockstar and Vodka and then put down a vodka/tonic at Bees Knees. Met up with Joolie and the rest of the crew there before heading to a packed and sweaty Soul Bar for dancing. There I had some Stellas and then Joolie and I rolled to Firehouse where I put back a few Pasbts. This concoction completely fucked up my gullet. I'm convinced that I'm allergic to PBR. I crashed last night at 3 AM, got up at 11 and had breakfast with Joolie as we watched Breaking Bonaduce and then I went back to sleep @ 3 PM and got back up at 7 PM still feeling like poo. There goes Saturday. Oh well, I'm going to watch Amityville Horror and pretend that my shits are solid. It's called denial.

Giddy Up

Had my follow up appointment with the oral surgeon today who tells me that my wounds are healing nicely. Well, after he berated me for not following instructions and getting drunk after my surgery. Apparently drinking several hours after getting my mouth cut open may have delayed my healing a touch. And using a straw by accident might have fucked me up a bit too. Oh well, the good news is that it's all over with.

It's been raining pretty steady for a couple days and that makes me a little nostalgic. I think of Manchester, UK and my time spent there. And then I think of Philly. As stoked as I am to renew my desire to fit in here in Augusta, part of me still wishes I could go back. But I'm refusing to let myself go down that path this weekend. At least not tonight.

I'm ready to mix me up a Diet Rock Star and Absolut Mandarin and get my crunk on. It's First Friday, although a very wet one, and I've yet to experience this blessid event that happens monthly in Augusta. I'm not sure it's going to be cool, but I'm sure I'll be drunk. And socialable. Got to spread the Poison Scooter word...

Speaking of which, our tee shirts are in town...just not at my crib yet. Fedex has them and will attempt to reach me sometime early next week. And our stickers should arrive mid-week. As predicted we are "live" by mid-October. And Joolie has been feverishly coming up with designs for our next two releases. Check them out here. If you are interested in perhaps purchasing our logo tee (white scooter on black tee) for $15, shipping included, then email me @ poisonscooter@gmail.com with your size and I'll send you an invoice. Feel free to pre-order another design if you are feeling Eat My Dust or Here Comes Trouble more than the logo.

In any case, bottoms up friends. It's the freakin' weekend and I'm about to have me some fun.

The Response

Brother Dan, not to be confused with father and recent home purchaser Brother Mike, is a part time musician with a new demo on the loose. Steady gigging in Manayunk will only take him so far, so I've decided to pass along a track of his to get the music in the hands of the people. Even though the dick has decided after I've worked on a logo and a Myspace account for him that his band needs a new name. In any case, this song Pretty Baby is incredibly infectious and catchy.

You can download it here and see what I mean: Pretty Baby by The Response

Moving On

Damn, I guess this blog demonstrates just how life is a series of ups and downs. If I go back and look over my postings since I've moved to Georgia, I can clearly see a man who is struggling to deal with all the shit that is happening to him. I feel as though it's like watching the Titantic a little bit, it's kind of long and depressing. My apologies. I used to be a guy who rambled about entertainment pretty steadily and occasionally I pontificated about the sadness that is my life. Now I feel as though I've reversed that a bit. I'm a guy with a depression blog who sometimes mentions a song or film that is moderately encouraging and then I go back to whining. Fuck. Sorry. I hope that in the past week or two I've spared you any of the downer stuff and managed to get this shit back on track. I've been trying really hard to not get too down about my situation, or at least not go into agonizing detail about it on here.

For those keeping score however, I guess it's true what they say about relocating. The folklore goes like this: Give it 90 days and then shit should be okay. Well, congrats to me. I just made it to the 90 day mark and I'm still alive. And I didn't move back to Philly or have a nervous breakdown. It's been a crappy ride for the most part, but I'm ready to fully embrace the rest of my life now that I've managed to square away a few things. The hardest part of moving was saying goodbye to my friends and family in Philadelphia. I was very worried that I would become a memory to most of them rather quickly, and that scared me. Nobody wants to find out that they were expendable. Since coming here I've heard the words "I miss you" from my brothers and sisters so much that it borders on annoying. But each time I do hear it, I feel able to take another step forward. You dig?

I'll admit that when I first landed in this oasis of the South I panicked. I was scared to death about fitting in, finding friends, adjusting. I freaked a bit. I tried too hard to make some things work and not hard enough on some others. It's a crisis situation, or at least it appeared to be one, and I was ill equipped. I've always been a tool when it comes to dealing with the fairer sex, as some of my readers can attest to first hand. I don't take rejection well, I kind of spaz out for a while and eventually I'm able to be human again. What's ironic is that me moving here was supposed to help me "fix" parts of myself that I didn't like in Philly, and this was one of those. So what do I do when I get here? I repeat the same mistakes again without thinking about it. Classic Skip.

1. Get drunk and hook up with teenage girl. Check.
2. Mistake friendship for something more with good female friend. Check.
3. Piss and moan and refuse to go out and meet people. Check.

I am pathetically predictable to the extent that I sometimes feel cliched. I know I'm a pretty decent friend, I look out for people unconsciously almost. I don't even really care when people take advantage of me, in a sick way I kind of enjoy it I guess. For some reason though, I get really emotionally attached to people that wind up not being able to give back to me what I need that I sometimes retract and decide to forgo even trying to meet new people. And I'm smart enough to know this is counter productive. I always say you have to give to get, but when my ego is bruised I sometimes don't practice what I preach for a little while. It's one of my many, many quirks.

I'm not very good at apologizing or swallowing my pride either. God, the qualities when you add them up add up to shit. But it's who I am. Let me say that on occasion I have said some not very nice things about people on here, and although at the time I write things I fully intend the words I am putting to paper. Hindsight, however, is always 20/20 as they say and I guess in reality if I know who I am, I must accept that other people are who they are. We all can change, but I can only really worry about myself. And I know I need to change. I need to be more outgoing, easy going, fun. And I plan on it. Starting now I'm all about making every day better than the one before it. Fuck all this pissing and moaning shit. I'm sick of being a cry baby. And besides, I want to get laid and nobody wants to fuck a sour puss.

In closing, I guess I will ceremoniously wipe the slate clean publicly and say I am sorry for treating some people like shit either in my mind or in person. An ex-girlfriend used to say to me that she wasn't bad, just drawn that way. It's a dumb Roger Rabbit reference that actually kind of always annoyed me. But I think in some cases it's very apt. These folks aren't bad people. And I know that. I am pretty sure you can figure out who you are.