End

Today was my great grandmother's funeral. Tillie lived a long and full life, dying at the age of 93, so there wasn't much sadness involved. But death is always an event that makes you take stock of what you've done thus far in your life. Or in some cases, what you haven't done. Considering that Tillie was 60 when I was born, my recollection of her when I was a kid is pretty much the same as it was 6 months ago the last time I saw her. She's been a senior citizen my whole life, so I think I always expected her to die. The fact that she managed to make it to 93, something I'm certain I won't be able to do, is a great accomplishment. And from her actions over the past year, and those of my mother shortly before her death all those years ago, I'm convinced that people sense when their time is coming. Now I'm not spiritual or religious in the slightest, it's just that I think the mind can understand what the body is going through and prepares you for the end. Grandma Tillie told me the last time I saw her that it would be the last time I would see her. Very matter of factly, not at all in a bitter tone or to be shocking. It was as if she was just giving me the heads up. I'm okay with her passing. My family got together today and celebrated her long life and caught up with each other. The whole concept of a post funeral "party" at a union hall's banquet room is a little odd to me, but it was nice to see everyone get along in the same room even if it was under these circumstances. Death is a part of life, and once you experience a tragic death of a dear loved one like I have, you kind of go numb to it. The only time I felt sad today was seeing how my Grandmother, Tillie's daughter, was effected by the concept of her mother being deceased. The finality of the situation, despite Tillie's age, was something I don't think my Grandmother was ready for. I guess as a senior citizen herself, the concept of dying is in her grasp and realizing that your parents are gone only makes you feel one step closer...well you get the idea. What's kind of strange is that the only thing I think I know that my Grandmother doesn't is how to lose your mother. To see her dealing with that situation brought back some memories of what it was like the first couple days when my Mom passed on. It's rough. I did today all that I could do. I told my grandmother that she'll be alright because we love her and we are still here for her. It's something similiar to what she told me years ago when she didn't have any answers for me. Just love. And I'm certain that she will mourn her mother, as I did mine, and then get back in the saddle and press on.